Miscellaneous: Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling... - FML

By Ouchies - 01/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 216

You deserved it 3 777

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Squatters' rights

Call the cops

By buttuglyforeveralone :( - 05/07/2013 21:37 - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 434

You deserved it 3 480

Well shit.

By Trist - 09/08/2018 14:30

Today, after moving 1,400 miles across the country, quitting my full-time job, and selling most of my furniture to attend flight school, I got a call a month before my start date saying that they are closing my location. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 165

By hubby - 08/10/2013 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 506

You deserved it 5 770

Monster!

By lu… - 08/12/2020 08:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, my mother decided that I'm a complete sociopath and that I don’t care that my grandmother just died. Why? Because I haven’t lost my appetite. My grief response is to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 48

By Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 194

You deserved it 19 276

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 16:00

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 157

By Miscellaneous - 17/06/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 818

You deserved it 656

By all by myself - 14/04/2014 23:34 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 671

You deserved it 3 757

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 06:22 - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 4 180

By lily_marleen - 17/05/2015 21:27 - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 2 115

By fatty:( - 15/04/2011 09:30 - Australia

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 313

You deserved it 13 821

By Unlucky - 24/05/2010 00:22 - Australia

Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 393

You deserved it 3 785

By Headache - 01/03/2013 13:20 - United States

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 842

You deserved it 4 778

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 375

You deserved it 58 741

By Gbeat411 - 25/06/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I went to boxing and this hot chick asked me if I was wearing a sports cup. I replied yes, when I wasn't. I thought she was going to check with her hand and feel. She checked with her knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 71 074

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 988

You deserved it 4 613

By Anonymous - 29/04/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 18 467

By Cheer4Life - 11/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Bloomington

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 084

You deserved it 10 157

By FrickingBusDrivers - 22/05/2015 01:55 - United States - Farmington

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 808

You deserved it 2 270

Giddy approval!

By SailorVenus93 - 29/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 380

By SapphireRaven - 07/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 485

You deserved it 2 554

By pain - 26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 357

You deserved it 3 265

The step before rat-licker

By Annabelle - 17/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 072

Brain fart Andy over here

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 16:01 - Italy

Today, as I was getting dressed after a shower, I spent a good 30 seconds searching for my underwear… which I'd already put on at that point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 277

By Anon - 23/06/2014 23:13 - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 819

You deserved it 5 939

Almost father

By Anonymous - 12/02/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 172

You deserved it 109 111

No, not them!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 12:01 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, after there was only one family that hated me enough to beat me up when we were kids, and we still don't get along as adults, my youngest brother is now dating into that family, and one of my older brothers is dating into that family too. It's like some kinda sick curse, or karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 103

Ten years, going strong

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, it's the 10th anniversary of the last time I had sex, and that was a drunk pity shag down an alley that lasted less than 30 seconds, due to me getting my period and his whiskey dick. Since then, all my sexual encounters have included the internet and rechargeable batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 284

By crazytown - 10/04/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 297

You deserved it 4 666

Can't win

By confused - 12/06/2020 02:06

Spicy

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 275

By gutted - 21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 3 527

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 095

You deserved it 4 739

Technique

By onlyintx - 19/07/2021 11:01

Today, after 3 days of vigorously scrubbing primer on the walls with a painting roller, I finally realized that simply re-wetting the roller after each stroke is the correct and easier way. Dang, can I be slow to catch on sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 874

Road trip

By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 403

You deserved it 4 067

Hippity hoppity

By Stuckinbed - 19/03/2020 21:00

Today, after I'd had hip surgery, my sister thought it would be hilarious to hide my crutches from me. I can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 98

Geography

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 456

You deserved it 2 346

Free the Flow!

By Lunar-Spice - 23/10/2019 14:00

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 164

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 22:27 - United States

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a major scholarship competition. After months of waiting, during which my parents were convinced I had won, I discovered that my entry had never been received. Apparently the woman I had confirmed with had had a long day, and lied so that she could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 830

You deserved it 2 852

By SunshineX7 - 09/10/2013 04:22 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 9 612

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 325

You deserved it 5 537

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:27

You must have been on carpet, else you could have slid along the floor pretty easily instead of stepping. I realize the recent trend has been to post lots of puns in the comments, but here that would just be tacky.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:21

You humped the floor at this point, right?

Comments

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:18

ouch

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:30

Does anyone miss the days of the long stream comments instead of replying to comments at the top? I do.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:50

What a "sharp" comment you made

cerebellum_fml 0

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Friday 2 October 2009 3:40

shouldnt you have shoes on when you are cleaning?

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Friday 2 October 2009 3:47

who the fuck is kevin nealon..

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Friday 2 October 2009 4:20

looks like you have a tackxing job ahead of you. teehehe

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Friday 2 October 2009 5:00

Damn, that sucks massive tack cock.

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Friday 2 October 2009 6:51

walk without picking up your feet... this isn't an FML. Another fail for the guest moderator

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Wednesday 11 November 2009 5:21

#51, That makes no sense whatsoever.

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Thursday 28 January 2010 5:14

who checks the ydi for these kind of fmls?

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Thursday 15 July 2010 5:08

what the hell just get a freaking flashlight!!! how the fuck is this an fml??

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 23:16

I hope it was day time

cwl727 32

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Monday 31 March 2014 21:34

Op never said they didn't have shoes on.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:19

that's gotta suck

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Wednesday 2 June 2010 3:58

ydi for not being Muslim and using a fridge

cwl727 32

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Monday 31 March 2014 21:33

I hope you had shoes on.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:21

You humped the floor at this point, right?

Iwannabetreo 11

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Monday 16 November 2009 11:09

I know I would.

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Thursday 9 September 2010 19:35

of course, its the only way to get out of this situation!

in_wonderland 1

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:22

that is hilarious

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:22

This is freaking hilarious! I hope you didn't hurt yourself too bad...

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:24

Ouch. Hopefully you're okay :D

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:26

FYL. the best way to not hurt yourself in that situation would probably be to not lift your feet while walking, but only sliding them along the ground.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:27

You must have been on carpet, else you could have slid along the floor pretty easily instead of stepping. I realize the recent trend has been to post lots of puns in the comments, but here that would just be tacky.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:28

You have a good point.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:28

#8 - very subtle....very very subtle OP - that sucks. plain and simple. that sucks

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:32

well i have to say #8 a jab well done there

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:52

Best comment ever #8.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Friday 2 October 2009 3:19

Good job with the sharp puns, everyone.

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Friday 2 October 2009 7:16

you make a good point, commenter above me

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Friday 2 October 2009 8:25

Not to be a pain in the foot or anything, but if there are puns here I'm totally in the dark about it.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Friday 2 October 2009 9:55

Ah, this could go on forever. :] I hate to be blunt, but as glad as I am that we're all as sharp as a tack when coming up with these cutting puns, we should probably stop now before they get prickly. We don't want to get ourselves in a thorny situation.

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Friday 2 October 2009 10:39

Well, I hate to poke fun, but your point kinda struck a nerve. We're not hurting anyone or stepping on anyone's toes here. But I guess it is getting a little dull, so I thought I'd just take one last stab at it before it's time for lights out.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Friday 2 October 2009 11:03

Your words pierced me, I apologise for my painful jab. I was merely pointing out a suggestion.

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Friday 2 October 2009 19:47

This is all megawin.

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Saturday 3 October 2009 5:10

Best thread ever.

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Tuesday 17 August 2010 23:20

Nice pun there #8. a pity it wasnt very PUNNY! You sure NAILED it with that one! Maybe i should get to the POINT now. Oh wait, it seems like your foot got there first :)

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Sunday 9 October 2011 20:42

LMFAO

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:27

oh GOD. Now THAT is priceless and helluva lot more original than most of the FMLs nowadays.

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Friday 2 October 2009 1:29

LOLL

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 112

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 95