Miscellaneous: Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late,...

By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - 05/04/2014 22:04 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 154

You deserved it 3 509

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Same thing different taste

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 141

By nice one - 14/07/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 787

You deserved it 2 743

Drunken antics

By DevilsTemptation - 29/08/2019 02:01 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 143

By clewie - 31/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 130

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 375

You deserved it 984

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 11:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 195

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 766

You deserved it 3 981

Anger management

By FML - 08/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 652

You deserved it 3 394

By poisongrl - 06/09/2011 22:53 - Macedonia

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 952

You deserved it 2 433

The hangover, part 46

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 04:00

Today, it’s my birthday. I woke up with a raging hangover and my house being completely trashed from the party I didn’t really want, and can barely even remember, since I got so drunk from the nerves of having to host it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 966

PrincessCastiel 27

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:32

...Happy Birthday!!

Saywat145 17

Sunday 6 April 2014 2:35

I guess his party started a little earlier...

Comments

alicat13 12

Sunday 6 April 2014 9:02

Did you report him for driving under the influence?

Tynysha 4

Sunday 6 April 2014 9:05

happy birthday

skyhighh 9

Sunday 6 April 2014 11:39

I wish my dad was that cool.

skyturtle 9

Sunday 6 April 2014 23:51

There is nothing cool about drunk driving.

brittyboo123 35

Sunday 6 April 2014 11:48

Well someone sure wanted to make the day all about themselves!

SexiChula91 3

Sunday 6 April 2014 14:53

lmao OP's name killed me tho! Best one yet!

the_truth_lives 9

Sunday 6 April 2014 16:04

At least your dad remembered your birthday when he was blind drunk:/

nipun 17

Sunday 6 April 2014 16:33

well he is a Show Stopper

Sachoow_fml 7

Sunday 6 April 2014 16:49

Why ? :0

thatlegit 11

Sunday 6 April 2014 16:59

People shouldn't condone to drinking and driving.

yusaku02 20

Monday 7 April 2014 0:21

huh.... OP's name suggests they are muslim which makes the alcohol very baffling...

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The Top

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 1 199

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 653

You deserved it 798 164

The Top

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 9 917

Today, in the store I work at, I was screamed at multiple times for not staying 6 feet away from everyone. The store is packed, and there is not even 6 feet of free space to work with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 110

Today, for what seems like the thousandth time, one of my new friends has cut me out of their life after I told them my last name. It’s hyphenated and I’m a woman, which means I'm “automatically” a stuck-up bitch. I'm not married, I was born with this last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 138

Today, I received my year 12 yearbook. After such a bad year of let downs, it wasn’t surprising that the school fucked it up and put the previous year's group photo in it instead of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 86

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 1 123

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 857

You deserved it 5 350