Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML
Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. I woke up with a raging hangover and my house being completely trashed from the party I didn’t really want, and can barely even remember, since I got so drunk from the nerves of having to host it. FML
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Top comments
PrincessCastiel 27
...Happy Birthday!!
Saywat145 17
I guess his party started a little earlier...
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Comments (74)
polishguy05 15
I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I drive my car straight through my son's garage door
colby6666 43
Literally "blind" drunk. OP, em, happy birthday?
Lastwhiteknight 11
Your dad's name isn't Homer Simpson, is it? also, Peace be with you
letsgooo_fml 23
Well I guess a new garage door could be his present to you. Happy birthday, OP!
beaverteaser 16
did he get you a new garage door for your birthday?
sunshineb81 16
I think your dad needs an intervention. That sounds like a serious alcohol problem. Totally sucks for you though.
oooohmygosh 8
Sorry op! Don't get him anything for his birthday...
olpally 33
Getting a new garage door for your birthday apparently. What an idiot. Happy birthday, I guess.
Wizardo 34
Wa'alaykum as-Salam, to you too mothertrucker.
kenyalovesarah 11
^^ I wanted to say that. you beat me
Wizardo 34
Well great minds think alike, refreshing to see people actually know the greeting though :)
rs89 20
I'm particularly interested in his username than the actual FML and found it funny! and yeah, I'm happy the greeting is known in UK!
schwaka 17
Interesting to see others who know the greeting and response! I was just gonna post this myself.
classiceagle63 16
Doesn't he know to go out with a Big Bang not go in with one?