Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Obtain laxatives.
Br00talsex 0
atleast when you tell people you shit brix, you're telling the truth.
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Comments (64)
j_cat187 20
try a piledriver: 1 part vodca, 1 part prune juce.
wwerulez14 6
That was so bad, that I feel the need to fix it, so here you go. "Try a pile-driver: 1 part vodka, 1 part prune juice."
Boomshadow 3
If you're a mathematician, you could always work it out with a pencil.
smashgrab 0
Three days, and you haven't gone out and gotten some stool softener? YDI
jailbot 7
You could do a salt water flush if you can't get access to the laxative or stool softener. I liter of water to 1 or 2 tablespoons of SEA SALT. Drink it all, then wait a few minutes, and you should be ******** away your problems.
sallen0046 4
If it's really been three days and you don't have the common sense to go buy or send someone else to get laxatives or stool softeners for you, you absolutely deserve to be miserable. Hell, there are plenty of pharmacies that deliver, and plenty of other services that will pick up and deliver anything you want for a very minimal fee if you're incapable of getting out to the store. If you can't find five bucks to alleviate your discomfort, you've got bigger issues.
crazy_vet_tech 10
ever heard of going out and getting things that you need but dont have? you could also try some vegetable oil, or some salt water, you could ever try an enema
hockeygal06 0
I know you're from michigan... but you've had 3 days to obtain laxatives or stool softeners.
shisana 0
apple juice helps
LaLaLaLover 0
ew
InCrediFuqAmaZin 0
Funny, I'm having this problem right now as I type this....