Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
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Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Obtain laxatives.
Br00talsex 0
atleast when you tell people you shit brix, you're telling the truth.
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Comments (64)
mz_booty 0
and you can't go buy anthink because??
BadasS14 0
maybe he's broke...or has no common sense..?
mz_booty 0
true that!!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
I love how everyone immediately says "well go buy laxatives" as though everyone always has money. There are some times when I am lucky to be able to scrounge together 50 cents for myself after paying for the things that have to be paid for such as my phone. OP I feel for you and I things will get better for you soon.
LilaBear 2
if the OP was that short on money, I'm sure it would have made it into the FML. Like, "and I can't afford laxatives" rather than "we have no laxatives". I'd say the same thing: go buy laxatives. Go without something for a week so you can afford the damn laxatives if you have to. Clearly your health is more important than another week's phone credit or whatever other non-essential items 99% of western society buys.
Lehk 9
if you consider yourphone bill to be more important than medicine you need, you need to reassess your priorities
RedPillSucks 33
Also, if they can afford the other medication they're taking, they can probably afford laxatives.
schwancy 2
I bet Drano will clean out your system.
mylifesucksserio 15
thanks for the image
Jester7 0
eat some fruit
kallmemattchew 3
ever heard of going out and BUYING laxatives or stool softeners?
worldclass 0
Kenny vs. Spenny? Prune juice, flsxseed and bran = you pooping your brains out.
lekiat 0
try juicing! it will definitely work
Judus_beej 0
ydi for eating bricks.
Cass3m0 0
I hardly think he could do it in a "jiffy". Unless he was the fastest son of a bitch to ever live, moving faster than the speed of light.