Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML
Today, I realized that the medication I take because of bowel issues only works for about 6 hours. After that, it's one run to the toilet after another. The problem is that I can only take it twice a day. FML
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML
Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML
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Top comments
Quest_ 13
Obtain laxatives.
Br00talsex 0
atleast when you tell people you shit brix, you're telling the truth.
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Comments (64)
kindlystfupls 0
hmmm I'd say go and buy some laxatives. but that would probably be too simple and problem solving.
Chella69 0
Maybe you could go buy some? Just a suggestion...
W4X 0
Ain't that a load of shit! Horrible Pun...
DakotaCat 4
Build a house of poop
skylarbee 8
if its been three days shouldn't you have gone out and got some?
happy_dino 6
Hey, i've been ******** bricks for 13 years... Suck it up.
11wanda11 6
you need Epsom salt, a good dose of it..
bubbish 3
How can you be ******** for 3 days and still be constipated?
DocBastard 40
Forget your poop troubles and have a big house potty. Make sure you have enough stools for your Crohnies and enough chip and dip bowels. Keep a log of your expenses. This should definitely rectumfy the shituation. I'm not biassed, I'm just trying to help you - don't call me a basturd.
smashgrab 0
Win. Doc, you have to quit being witty, you make the rest of us look like shit.
Matt_192 6
wow. you make my puns look like crap :P
wwerulez14 6
*claps* Bravo Doc. Bravo. I get the feeling that OP is never going to use the phrase, "I shat bricks" ever again, or at least without experiencing a shiver or chill down their spine in memory of this day.
j_cat187 20
y are u posting this?