Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML
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Top comments
youmakemyday_fml 0
ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...
ozymandias_fml 0
You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?
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Comments (231)
jennam_fml 4
#20, I have never seen brown, or green bird shit. I've seen white bird shit, that's about it. But YDI for eating something off a public table.
Failercoptor 0
Enjoy your AIDS
Heart_Slayer 0
REGARDLESS OF IT BEEING GROSS MAYO OR NOT ( ON A SIDE NOTE MAYO IS NASTY) AND YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE AT THAT TABLE AND LIKE WIPE THE SHIT FROM THERE ASSES AND DONT WASH THEIR HANDS? I HOPE YOU GET THE EBOLA VIRUS!!
cal27 0
Is it that hard to tell when something is bird shit? It has a distinctive splatter of a crater and mayo is in smooth globs.
jumpdancehigh 0
OH MY GOOOOOOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS !@#$%%^
realworldready 0
Yea that's a definite YDI. A) Mayo is nasty any-damn-ways B) Why the hell are you eating off public tables? See your mama clearly ain't raise you right.
gothymama 0
Ewww, even if it was mayo, why the hell would you eat it off an OUTSIDE restaurant table? The inside ones are gross enough, but an OUTSIDE one? Ewww... YDI!!
equine551 0
aww that makes me feel sick.
nodbor 11
birdmanpig flu
FukMeFukU 0
..FAKE. Ive heard this one before, except with Meat. And even if this were real... WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EAT SOMETHING OFF A PUBLIC TABLE?!