Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML
Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
Tweekz14 5
So I'm guessing you swallow?
nofearjenshere 12
It's a sin not to swallow, there are people starving in Africa.
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Comments (322)
applemania_fml 0
U should have clenched ur fist
BobbieH 19
Try communicating with each other while you're giving head. If he can bag on your skills he should be able to direct you. Every person likes different things, he needs to tell you what he likes and you need to pay attention to the reaction to your actions.
Ashlee0715 8
Why in the hell would you do such an idiotic thing?
20th_century_fox 3
what i can't understand is why your boyfriend is just bitching about it. if he wants good blowies, he should FREAKING SHOW YOU HOW HE WANTS YOU TO DO IT. and guys complain that girls never take initiative in the bedroom. good try, though, hopefully your boyfriend is just as considerate!
desertpunk75 11
You know, you could have come to my house, I'm a patient coach ;D
cajekraze 7
You're doing it all wrong honey. Relax the throat and time the breaths
TylerDirty 15
Least your boyfriend will be happy now.
twiins_fml 5
Blow jobs are honestly not that hard..
digressions 13
Really? You're doing it wrong...
jbuckets_404 38
#270: Was that a pun? lol
froggeh 4
u got pwned by a banana
lemonsquid 6
I shit :O