Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
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Top comments
Haganbottom234 8
You deserve it, for doing jazz aerobics.
blumsden 0
I'd say I beat my kid, before I admitted to doing jazz aerobics...
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Comments (61)
Cheesecakee 11
I think the jazz aerobics is just a cover...for beating your child
somerandomdude19 2
Jazz aerobics? Really?? -__-
itzNaynay 0
Fyl? Fhl for having a dad that does Jazz aerobics !
kimuraplata 0
You just should've told everyone that you did beat your daughter. That would be less embarassing than kicking her in the face while doing Jazz aerobics..
khaya 9
At least you beat her with style. Slapping while pretending to play the saxophone.
devinewind 4
Kick the baby!!!
johnnybagodonuts 2
So you're a guy and you do jazz aerobics? Thats pretty messed up for you to have a wife and kid when you know you're gay
JalosgurlGiselle 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. fail
boredblonde 17
They should trust you!
Chris_1163187222 15
Wife...right