Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML
Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML
Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML
Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML
Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
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Top comments
Haganbottom234 8
You deserve it, for doing jazz aerobics.
blumsden 0
I'd say I beat my kid, before I admitted to doing jazz aerobics...
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Comments (61)
SammIght 7
...your a guy... Shan't you be not be doing things like that.. Unless you like giving everyone mental image:P
Capt_Oblivious 10
You kicked your child in the face? During jazz aerobics? You do jazz aerobics? F your family's life
TheLastChild 8
NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!
shrimp1234 4
Who the hell does jazz?!?!
perdix 31
Your kid was probably screwing around and did it better than you can after years of practice. Jealous, much? Try Zumba. It rocks.
bloodypanda 0
Chill out bro! O.o
randelynn 0
Zumba is quite interesting. Haha
Petal23 11
Haha just shows how narrowminded I am for assuming that you were a woman as soon as I read "jazz aerobics"! My bad, keep it up!
audiophileMom 11
Uhm... If your girl is three can't she clear it up for you? Something like: "Daddy was jumping in tights to music when he kicked me and I cried!" - even slow 3-year-olds can do that. Also I'm sure she wanted to join him/watch him and NO Dad would think twice if jazz aerobics could be dangerous... Still, dude... Maybe hit the gym next time? At least you'll be under supervision there when you bounce around.
stevenmx86 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
what leads them to believe you're capable of beating her? I say Ydi you obviously have shown in the past that you have aggressive tendencies...
RoseCrystal 17
*snort* I'm sorry, you were doing what?
Feklfekl2222 32
I'm sorry but I have to ydi just for the jazz aerobics. Aerobics ok we can put up with it. Jazz/jazzercise we can put up with that too. But jazz aerobics....... No, just no