Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML
Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML
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Top comments
sparkleprincess 0
thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.
becalm_fml 0
I laughed.
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Comments (68)
davidhasmorefun 0
who does situps on their mattress? and I would have laughed too.
alicia_was_here 3
and his dad happens to read FML so the OP is hopping he sees this, so the he wont think his son is a violent masturbater.
nooneatall 0
number one, I realized I should do them on the floor, number two, I wasn't masterbating, but it's happened before. not really an fml but I was really tired when I posted
alicia_was_here 3
sounds like you got your story down, lets just hope your dad believes(;
SilenceIsSilver 0
I think it's an fml o.0 If my parents thought I was jerkin' off I'd feel pretty embarrassed...
saladgirl123 0
liar you put this on her to validate your lie.
theelysium 0
That's hella funny! he should have left a towel by your door as a joke!
RuralNinja 0
Quit being a pussy and do your sit-ups on the ground. You get a better workout from doing them that way too.
adele77 2
lol
wtsc 0
YDI for doing situps on a ******* bed...
sexy_pants101 0
hahaha that's hella funny I woulda thot that too... :P
xxdakotaxx 0
lmao i dont know why the **** hes laughing at you for. Whats the perv doing in the basement in the first place? :P Sounds like he was waiting for you to masterbait.
RuralNinja 0
Just because its a basement doesn't mean its useless. Many homes have finished basements that look like any other room in the house.