Intimacy: Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls,... - FML

By Byron fiddles - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

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Mother of the year

Good kid

Pleased to meet you

By panickygrl - United States

Today, I had a panic attack. Not on a crowded train, or an airplane, or in school, or any of the expected places. It was in my yoga class, which my therapist recommended for me, while I was in a dead-body position. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, three women came into my work and one was wearing a shirt with a rainbow that said, "We are everywhere". I had just gotten what it was referring to and when I greeted them I ended up saying "Hi gays!" instead of the standard "Hi guys". FML

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By Anonymous - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

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By sucker - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By sucks - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

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By kansasgirl - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 17:01

Night terrors

Today, I woke up at night to go to the toilet. My Dad was doing his thing with the toilet door wide open. I saw, screamed at the top of my lungs and peed my pants in horror. Now my throat hurts and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Stinky

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML

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By :O - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodside

Dazed and Confused

Today, I was promoted. I got advice throughout the day from all of management on what I'm supposed to do first thing everyday. Not one was the same as the other. FML

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By Jessica - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Get the hell out of Dodge

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML

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By livgasms - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

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By Tucker - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

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By Baikal - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

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By annoying - United States

Today, I bought a key finder that responds to loud, high-pitched, annoying tones. It beeps every time I talk. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By Teaching26 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

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By almostmugged - United States

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

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By oprahahaha - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

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By notanidiot - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

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By sophiae123 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

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By Sanchez - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By ac-hoo - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I told my boss I need a scrub brush to properly clean the stairs at my workplace. She gave me an old toothbrush. FML

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By SDCore - United States - Glenview

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

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By smarie09 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

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By wowthanksworld - United States

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

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By Aaron - United States

Today, some girl from Colorado called me. She knew my name. My Facebook. I had no idea how she got my number. She then asks me out. I say "sure" sarcastically. She then calls my girlfriend, who also lives in Colorado. Our relationship is now over. FML

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Top comments

By marny_fml | 0

#6588 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:36

what the fuck kind of song is that.

By yay_fml | 0

#6599 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:48

I want to know this song to create my own awkward moments.

COMMENTS

By F_ME | 0

#6580 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:20

that would happen to be that rob zombie song would it???

Reply

XFlyingxPiranhaX | 0

#896163 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:33

which one.. more human than human or brick house 2000? they both start out with those sounds.

Reply

Jordna | 0

#964425 - Friday 19 March 2010 21:22

I love that song!!!

Reply

MetalLetteRaver | 0

#2235944 - Thursday 24 March 2011 19:37

probably more human than human and it's actually white zombie. lol. but if it is.. how do you not like that song??

Reply

redhedsaysrawr | 18

#3901105 - Wednesday 18 January 2012 1:37

i bet it is... thats exactly what i was thinking when i read the post! lol... you people have good taste in music...

Reply

funkymunky101 | 2

#5409741 - Monday 18 March 2013 4:10

Maybe superman by eminem

Reply

otaku2530 | 11

#6227347 - Tuesday 10 March 2015 6:42

Or Chelsea Grin-lifeless in the end

By marny_fml | 0

#6588 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:36

what the fuck kind of song is that.

Reply

HeavyTank | 0

#363637 - Friday 3 July 2009 11:46

l think it's a disco song by Benni Benassi...not sure though.
I listened to it at a friend's party and we were all like "wtf"?

Reply

I_am_Lathan | 0

#482442 - Thursday 13 August 2009 9:31

Try "Food, Clothes, Medicine" by Aesop Rock
Excellent song, but I can never play it out loud when anybody else is around. damn shame.

Reply

dangermouse2990 | 19

#5929622 - Tuesday 29 April 2014 17:40

Yes an Aesop rock fan!:)

By yay_fml | 0

#6599 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:48

I want to know this song to create my own awkward moments.

By RabidSumomo | 0

#6602 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:51

If that's the song by Rob Zombie, I have it too lol. And pretty much the same thing has happened to me. xD

Reply

XFlyingxPiranhaX | 0

#896167 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:36

I did that at school. I was with my girlfriend and some of her friends and I went to my music where the most recent song was brick house 2000 by Rob zombie. then, of course, I hit play instead of next and the volume was all the way up.

Reply

celinadepp | 21

#6363850 - Tuesday 28 July 2015 1:04

I instantly thought of that song, too!

By Diabeetus | 0

#6621 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:35

You should have said you were watching When Harry Met Sally.

By brave_fml | 0

#6645 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:37

Belphegor!
Sexdictator Lucifer!

By Pudgygrunt | 0

#6708 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 0:21

lol to #4. but its not too bad. it shouldnt have been TOO awkward if they werent too hasty to judge and you didnt ACT like it should be awkward. Just explain yourself

By potentpotable | 0

#6945 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 6:32

#18: BAHAHAHA! Win for you.

Some filler track (forget the name, too lazy to pull it up) on Dr. Dre's 2001 album is just him banging some ho.

By Jimmy_fml | 0

#8497 - Friday 27 February 2009 8:40

should of let the song continue playing so they could of caught on.

By meeeh_fml | 0

#11037 - Monday 2 March 2009 16:53

rcoket queen by Guns 'n' roses?