Miscellaneous: Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 95

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 60

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 30

14/03/2009 14:55

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 252

You deserved it 9 091

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Empathy lives

The more the merrier

07/10/2016 07:18

Today, I found out after $200 worth of checks and tests, three rugs being ruined from her peeing and pooping on them, that my cat isn't sick. She just has really bad separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 311

You deserved it 1 156

28/07/2012 20:38

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 379

Poker Face

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 23:04

Today, I have to get a thyroid ultrasound. I'm a 25 year-old cancer survivor; it took amputating my left leg to beat the last one. My doctor has dealt with my hypochondria for years, long enough to know his face when I should be worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 58

28/05/2010 04:15

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 166

You deserved it 59 145

09/08/2019 22:00

Today, I made a nice meal for myself and sat down to eat. Suddenly, my dad burst into my room saying, “We have to go.” This isn’t the first time it’s happened, nor was it an emergency. My family just doesn’t tell me when we have plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 155

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 06:06

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 615

You deserved it 175

29/11/2012 19:42

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 864

You deserved it 29 702

22/11/2009 22:07

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 573

You deserved it 5 989

Walk out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 20:01

Today, I'd started dialysis and the cap at the end of my PD tube came off. It’s meant to stop infection, and it’s filled with betadine. I said I had to go to the office. My teacher wouldn’t let me, so I walked out of class. I got detention for trying to prevent getting a major infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 47

18/10/2015 17:00

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 457

You deserved it 3 009

11/11/2010 05:48

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 867

You deserved it 33 550

11/02/2010 20:13

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 3 627

Investing in the future

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 23:00

Today, after years of being underpaid, I received my first paycheck at my new job. My new employer offers excellent benefits and a 401k. But after I invest in all these wonderful things, and after a $4 an hour pay increase, my net income is less than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 145

18/08/2014 16:29

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 16 231

13/06/2015 15:47

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 158

You deserved it 2 860

08/01/2015 19:10

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 3 326

10/04/2009 21:07

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 789

You deserved it 6 168

12/01/2015 14:36

Today, I showed up to work at 6am, only to find out the schedule was changed. I wasn't actually supposed to be there until 9:15. My boss never told me this. I didn't get to go home either, he just said "Oh well. Get to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 335

You deserved it 2 958

30/01/2009 22:57

Today, I found out that my assistant is now my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 439

You deserved it 3 070

22/09/2015 13:41

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 552

You deserved it 1 828

Nightmare Fuel

By anon - 01/06/2018 01:30

Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 557

You deserved it 334

06/10/2011 17:27

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 656

You deserved it 35 075

09/08/2012 19:51

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 306

You deserved it 54 344

03/02/2015 20:45

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 912

You deserved it 2 377

30/04/2019 16:00

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 303

26/11/2009 19:11

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 191

You deserved it 20 913

Alexa, play "Fast Cars" by Buzzcocks

By I'mmessedup - 18/09/2021 07:00

Today, I wonder about my mental and emotional state as I didn't react whatsoever to a semi that started to pull out in front of my speeding Camaro. If he hadn't seen me, and stopped, I would not be alive to post this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 273

27/01/2012 04:46

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 123

You deserved it 38 942

29/12/2010 02:13

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 713

You deserved it 56 655

05/09/2013 16:39

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 385

You deserved it 5 019

04/10/2018 07:30

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because "bros before hoes". They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 278

You deserved it 383

04/10/2010 08:24

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 366

You deserved it 4 446

16/09/2013 21:11

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day... and woke up with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 073

You deserved it 3 383

25/02/2009 07:25

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 276

You deserved it 9 828

04/12/2015 05:31

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 308

You deserved it 2 331

31/01/2009 18:20

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 973

You deserved it 2 232

27/06/2015 18:29

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 2 786

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 21:30

Today, and for the last 4 days, my 19-year-old son has been wearing a metal full face skull helmet and a black robe, and has renamed himself Beast. He also bought a sword from god knows where and refuses to leave the house, because the outside scares him. I may need an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 202

Backwards

By bad sis - 23/09/2019 05:01

Today, my family got very upset with me when I advised my brother’s girlfriend to take the kids and leave. They’re more upset with me telling her that, than the fact that my brother is an abusive serial cheater and a raging alcoholic, who hits her and the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 128

27/12/2010 08:47

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 304

You deserved it 111 668

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Top comments

cthulhu1138 1

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:13

I hear locking the door works wonders.

imlaughingatyou 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:07

that sucks.. wear fake ones for now?

Comments

foryoublue94 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:04

What's the point of curling your eyelashes?

PokeyStix 3

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Thursday 23 July 2009 19:17

When your eyelashes don't curl up properly, it makes them harder to see, and therefore less pretty.

ilovefatcats 12

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Friday 19 March 2010 1:13

I thought eylashes didn't grow bak :|

MoNiCa132 0

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Wednesday 29 September 2010 19:19

some ppls eyelashes grow straight and it opens ur eyes more wen they r curled and they r also more attractive wen curled

hippo1234 19

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:53

for me, I curl them so they don't hit my glasses and sunglasses. not cosmetic, just practical

cjwayy 22

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Wednesday 11 June 2014 1:07

Jesus Christ...

flowerfliff 18

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 19:50

I've read some horrible FMLs, but this one just seems so horrible! I feel so sorry for you

DankNissan 11

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Saturday 11 June 2016 0:47

kill yourself

_Adog2645 24

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Thursday 11 August 2016 15:09

It's Jason Bourne

EmilyMarie 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

Ouch, you should break his neck to make you feel better. Okay maybe not neck.. but arm or something.

marquellauhrig 10

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Monday 18 February 2013 14:56

Holy crap!! That would fricken hurt!!!

dragonrider1959 18

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Thursday 3 July 2014 19:57

It's bad that this happened but that's an over reaction

fmlsarah 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

OUCH!

fmlsarah 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

OUCH!

happypink_fml 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:06

omg lmao hahahahahahahaha that sucks ive never seen anyone without eyelashes hahaha ha!

daniisme 0

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Friday 12 March 2010 22:47

I have, he pulls them out in class then eats them..

Grimmerie 31

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Saturday 1 October 2011 12:23

i used to compulsively pull mine out, without even noticing i was doing so. didn't stop until they were all gone. that year sucked.

Kgirl2cute 6

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Tuesday 7 August 2012 15:04

Trichotillomania for twelve years, beat that. No eyelashes since I was in grade two.

imlaughingatyou 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:07

that sucks.. wear fake ones for now?

tastylipstick 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:09

OW! PAIN! OW. And wow, that sucks. a lot. I'm sorry for your loss.

NorfolkDude 2

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:11

It's hair... it'll grow back. Not a fml. Unless you meant it burnt off in which case it might not grow.

Moo_Horse 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 4:24

ummm dude im pretty sure that HURTS getting all your eyelashes RIPPED off.

Carriah420 9

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Saturday 28 January 2012 8:51

Plus, eyelashes take a very long time to grow back, especially if they are RIPPED OUT.

cthulhu1138 1

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:13

I hear locking the door works wonders.

slutmuffin 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 20:15

Kill your little brother. And then. Kill him again.