Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I...

By CPN - 14/3/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

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Miscellaneous

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Long story short

You snooze, you lose

By pissed off mother - 5/5/2016 17:55 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at halloween costumes online for this years halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

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By slavelaborsux - 29/8/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

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By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2014 03:57 - United States - State College

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2015 09:47 - United States - Tualatin

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

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By dancincherrychic - 25/10/2015 19:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was making sweet potato chips using my new slicer. I didn't mean to make a pinky finger chip as well. FML

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By cheshirealyce - 5/3/2015 17:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2017 00:30

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

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By WhoopteeDooDoo - 12/10/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

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By laurencoc - 31/8/2015 22:50 - Australia - Perth

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 05:06

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

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By ugh - 19/1/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

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By boylookingirl - 30/1/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

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By lily - 18/8/2019 12:00

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

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By sabrinatarmine_ - 22/7/2013 02:35 - United States - Carmel Valley

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

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By blow me - 7/8/2015 16:36 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By coffee girl - 22/7/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 08:12 - United States

Today, I broke my right leg. I've had one shot of morphine, and even that only relieved the pain a little. It's now totally worn off and I have yet to get pain medication of any kind. My leg has been broken for over nine hours now. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2014 03:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

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By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/8/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

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27040

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

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By an unlucky man - 5/8/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

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22836

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2012 04:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

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By BrisbaneCoop - 4/4/2011 17:13 - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML

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By nba - 30/5/2019 16:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

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By 2for1 - 28/3/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

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1673

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By Farterella - 2/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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By hjkashld - 24/4/2012 01:48 - United States

Today, I faked back pain to get out of sex with my wife. FML

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13465

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By lalibear - 3/5/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 20:12 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I spontaneously poured my heart out for my boyfriend, telling him how much I love and adore him. He answered by leaning in close, saying "Jolly good" in an affected accent, and burping loud and clear in my ear. FML

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32365

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By oops - 15/7/2012 05:34 - United States

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

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By TatooFAIL - 6/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 16:32 - Russian Federation

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

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By random1456 - 13/6/2019 18:00

Today, my credit card got declined while I was buying anti-depressants. FML

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2078

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By moviewalker - 26/11/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

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Top comments

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#31649 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:13

I hear locking the door works wonders.

By imlaughingatyou | 0

#31631 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:07

that sucks.. wear fake ones for now?

COMMENTS

By foryoublue94 | 0

#31614 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:04

What's the point of curling your eyelashes?

PokeyStix | 3

#422589 - Thursday 23 July 2009 19:17

When your eyelashes don't curl up properly, it makes them harder to see, and therefore less pretty.

ilovefatcats | 12

#963398 - Friday 19 March 2010 1:13

I thought eylashes didn't grow bak :|

MoNiCa132 | 0

#1474234 - Wednesday 29 September 2010 19:19

some ppls eyelashes grow straight and it opens ur eyes more wen they r curled and they r also more attractive wen curled

hippo1234 | 19

#2297216 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 5:53

for me, I curl them so they don't hit my glasses and sunglasses. not cosmetic, just practical

cjwayy | 22

#5971564 - Wednesday 11 June 2014 1:07

Jesus Christ...

flowerfliff | 18

#6009974 - Wednesday 16 July 2014 19:50

I've read some horrible FMLs, but this one just seems so horrible! I feel so sorry for you

DankNissan | 11

#6625494 - Saturday 11 June 2016 0:47

kill yourself

_Adog2645 | 24

#6669472 - Thursday 11 August 2016 15:09

It's Jason Bourne

By EmilyMarie | 0

#31619 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

Ouch, you should break his neck to make you feel better.
Okay maybe not neck.. but arm or something.

marquellauhrig | 10

#5372896 - Monday 18 February 2013 14:56

Holy crap!! That would fricken hurt!!!

dragonrider1959 | 18

#5996688 - Thursday 3 July 2014 19:57

It's bad that this happened but that's an over reaction

By fmlsarah | 0

#31620 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

OUCH!

By fmlsarah | 0

#31621 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:05

OUCH!

By happypink_fml | 0

#31626 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:06

omg lmao hahahahahahahaha that sucks ive never seen anyone without eyelashes hahaha
ha!

daniisme | 0

#940283 - Friday 12 March 2010 22:47

I have, he pulls them out in class then eats them..

Grimmerie | 31

#3372927 - Saturday 1 October 2011 12:23

i used to compulsively pull mine out, without even noticing i was doing so. didn't stop until they were all gone. that year sucked.

Kgirl2cute | 6

#4783584 - Tuesday 7 August 2012 15:04

Trichotillomania for twelve years, beat that. No eyelashes since I was in grade two.

By imlaughingatyou | 0

#31631 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:07

that sucks.. wear fake ones for now?

By tastylipstick | 0

#31637 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:09

OW! PAIN! OW.
And wow, that sucks. a lot.
I'm sorry for your loss.

By NorfolkDude | 2

#31644 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:11

It's hair... it'll grow back. Not a fml. Unless you meant it burnt off in which case it might not grow.

Moo_Horse | 0

#1624325 - Saturday 30 October 2010 4:24

ummm dude im pretty sure that HURTS getting all your eyelashes RIPPED off.

Carriah420 | 9

#3955688 - Saturday 28 January 2012 8:51

Plus, eyelashes take a very long time to grow back, especially if they are RIPPED OUT.

By cthulhu1138 | 1

#31649 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:13

I hear locking the door works wonders.

By slutmuffin | 0

#31658 - Saturday 14 March 2009 20:15

Kill your little brother. And then. Kill him again.