Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML
Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML
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Top comments
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
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Comments (95)
WarmedIce 0
haha that's bites!
mattman1994 0
Way to be creative mom and dad o_O
Prototype12 0
yea sure, ants
OhMyHolyBalls 0
Aww OP, I'm so sorry /: ...Firebutt (;
2kool4skoolyo 0
did you know that there is something called anti-cream and anti-burn cream too!?! use it sir and it will make the pain go away :)
skroal 7
Rub mayonnaise on the bites. I'm not even kidding.
sammehsaurus 0
At least you have a hot ass? lol:)
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Were you sitting on a fireant mound naked? fireants are a fact of life here in Florida. How could you not feel the 10+ fireants crawling on you? Your nick should be NumbButt.
bigbadtim 7
Burn, baby, burn.
StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0
you know damn well you got hemorrhoids.
airborn54 0
hardly a FML
skroal 7
26 - How would I see it? I truly am serious.
skroal 7
I understand. That doesn't change the fact that I wasn't joking.
mrgiraffe 0
lol fail 12 anti-cream
KiddNYC1O 22
abracadabra!
tweetbaby14 18
it's better than firecrotch; that is a much more serious disease.
2kool4skoolyo 0
33 I meant anti itch lol
_TONGAN_ 5
I bet OP's Butt looks like #20's picture now lol
sparklesxD 0
#18 - Win.
RugbyKid 0
got one thing to say "goldbon it the fix for almost every itch"
iTaylor 0
ahh good one 51 and I LOVE your picture!! and Firebutt, fyl.
zakkyzebra 11
firecrotch. will you take firebutt to be your lawfully wedded wife?
WTF_FML_FTW 0
BUTTSCRATCHA? BUTTSCRATCHA?
TechnoTaco 0
"Hey baby Im no liar, You better stop drop n' roll cuz your BUTT'S ON FIRE!" Anyone get my reference? :]
cubanchick 0
my bf calls me frostbutt cuz my butt gets really cold at night. :)
INsayn 0
ANTICORTIZONE
01sparkly 15
Haha firebutt
uupa99 0
that sure sucks, firebutt.
lemonlife 0
hahahhahshaha firrreeebutttt
Person1233 13
Shove salsa up their asses.
FyourLIFEdotCOM8 0
how did they bite your butt? Did you sit on them????
Person1233 13
Most ants have legs. Just in case you didn't know...
AsianTurtle 0
Yet you still call it a sensation 0.o
fmlroxsmysoxsoff 2
hahahahahaha I like ur parents lol but yeah fyl that suxs and it must hurt wen u go to the bathroom...
skatingalyy 0
that sounds painfull...I'm sorry op :/
Geiko_fml 0
Get some of that cream that you can rub on your ass to stop the burning and itching. I forget the name...
impatientkarma 0
Are you sure it's ant bites?
ruben7467 0
this is stupid.