Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words, "You're fired." FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML
Today, I gave my boss a nickname. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately, "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML
Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LegalLoitering 12
You poor Bastard
uniformed 13
Wow well that's unfortunate. at least you bring laughter to the world. haha
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (67)
kendallfireHD 16
I would change my name.
cadillacgal79 32
I guess Doc submitted a FML.
OneToughChick 13
My friend'a last name is Dick. She knows your feelings well.
kingdomgirl94 29
One of my best friends last name was Blowes, pronounced Blows, Her moms maiden name was Cann, and her step dads last name was Daley, as in daily. she was a little screwed.
Tawnkat 13
Is her name Sharon Dick? Cuz that would be hilarious.
Gravenmuir 18
And her sister Eden Dick.
cryssycakesx3 23
the mom is more screwed than the friend. *mostly* kids don't hyphenate they're names, like their mom. more commonly, they may take stepdad's name but that's not necessary. tl;dr- poor Mrs Cann-Blowes Daley.
madeline9322 17
One time in like second grade kid some kid was taunting me cuz my last name is Webb and he was saying "ohh, are you all covered in spider webs?" And I was like "I WOULDNT BE TALKING, ISAIHA DICK"
Darknyan 10
Doc Bastard, sounds like its you or a relative hahah.
zdane 9
I knew a girl named Nicole f_ _ ks but she pronounced it feuks, lol.....but regardless it still sucks, sorry op
cece23_fml 10
or it still seuks
alex_622 22
Please tell me your first name isn't Fat....
buckdharma 38
I looked up the meaning behind your name for you op. It seems you came from a long line of fishermen who couldn't catch anything.
vikky538 29
as long as your first name is not "*******" it will not be extreme weird..
gracehi 33
My dad once told me about a guy named Mr. Bastard. Whenever people addressed him, they'd pronounce his name weird. "Mr. BAYstard," "Mr. BaSTAIRD." But he'd always reply, "No, no, no it's Bastard. Bastard by name, bastard by nature." Perhaps you too should acquire a sense of humor about it.
beardedbeard 4
Jon snow is a bastard.