Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my family and I visited my cousins in Virginia. When we arrived, we found that they already had guests over. I've stuttered my whole life, so when they asked me what my name was, I stuttered for several seconds trying to say my name. Everyone burst out laughing. FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words, "You're fired." FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML
Today, during a long flight, I tried to discreetly pass gas. Instead, I misjudged the pressure and ended up making a loud noise that everyone around me seemingly heard. To make matters worse, the flight attendant asked if everything was OK. Now I’m probably remembered as "Farts on a plane." FML
Today, for some reason, I called my boss "Mum" in a meeting. To make it worse, I panicked and followed it up with, “Can I have a raise?” Everyone laughed except my boss. FML
Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML
Today, I gave my boss a nickname. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately, "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML
Today, while not feeling well at work, I had to finish up some papers. I was so out of it, I couldn't remember how to spell my name. I had to improvise by pronouncing each syllable of my name out loud. My boss now thinks I'm a dumbass. FML
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Top comments
LegalLoitering 12
You poor Bastard
uniformed 13
Wow well that's unfortunate. at least you bring laughter to the world. haha
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Comments (67)
spacey_blueberry 18
There are 2 teachers at my school named Mr. Hymen and Mr. Hickey... They probably know how you feel OP.
lmartinez 4
Just say it with an accent it works every time
sconline 5
Don't be embarrassed there were Bastards before you and one day you'll make a woman a lucky Bastard and (if you plan on having kids) you'll have Bastards of your own... Show them how to be a proud Bastard
otumboo 10
at least your name isn't Gaylord
grouper 10
When I was at the airport there was a guy called up named Dog Treat. There wasn't a dog op. Shit happens at the airport... Don't worry
Cleu 12
I hope your first name isn't Yu!
FMLGUY254 1
It could be worse. I have a friend whose last name is Dick.
Corey122726 17
When you were a kid did your parents friends go around asking where is that little Bastard?
InTheMagic 3
Your parents should of picked the other last name no offence or put them both together and put bastard last
demonfacee 14
Bastard is one of the weirdest last names I've heard. Your last name could be Dick, ****, Cummings, or anything along those lines. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face either if I was the airport guy.