Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my... - FML

By Talented73 - 25/4/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4038

You deserved it

361

Tweet

Share

Deep-seated resentment

Breaking Badly

Recycling helps

By a little less poor at least - 21/4/2013 16:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49155

You deserved it

5647

Tweet

Share

By Gross... - 16/8/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38504

You deserved it

3251

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/3/2012 03:05 - United States

Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26775

You deserved it

9899

Tweet

Share

By pictureperfect678 - 19/1/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33995

You deserved it

4657

Tweet

Share

By elisimo - 24/1/2012 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20491

You deserved it

35621

Tweet

Share

By fired101 - 8/2/2010 06:04 - France

Today, it was my first day of work at a very high end company. While delivering coffee to my boss, I set it down on the edge of a magazine, where it spilled over, into his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26340

You deserved it

7372

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/2/2012 02:12 - United States

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37498

You deserved it

2629

Tweet

Share

By None - 8/2/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29514

You deserved it

4993

Tweet

Share

By UniStudi - 23/12/2018 14:00

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3614

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By Fatty Fatty Fatso - 5/5/2013 00:41 - United States - Somers

Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26574

You deserved it

39004

Tweet

Share

By imaqtb - 9/9/2010 03:35 - Canada

Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11583

You deserved it

37440

Tweet

Share

By LibraryPedo - 26/4/2013 01:37 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49816

You deserved it

4036

Tweet

Share

By singledumbfuck - 22/3/2020 03:30

Eternally romantic

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2276

You deserved it

151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 11:02 - United States - Orlando

Compassion

Today, I found out the reason my mom took over 9 months to get me a therapist and much needed help after I told her how I had been depressed and suicidal for over two months. It wasn't because it was hard to find one, but actually because she thought I was making it up to cushion the fact that I got a C in a class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1412

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By PaneraSucks - 19/2/2014 06:24 - United States - Londonderry

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39093

You deserved it

4260

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2017 06:00

Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4793

You deserved it

6981

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/2/2011 19:57 - Australia

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14987

You deserved it

32593

Tweet

Share

By sigh - 29/3/2016 04:57 - United States - North Branford

Today, I gave the guy I've been seeing a copy of my newly published book, because I know he loves writing. He started reading and commented on how amazing it was. Then he gave it back. He didn't realize it was a gift. My awkward self didn't correct him. I'd written him a sweet letter inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19258

You deserved it

4858

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/6/2019 22:00

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Jane - 28/4/2016 03:58 - United States - Beaver Falls

Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14704

You deserved it

3006

Tweet

Share

By Flighted - 22/9/2012 04:54 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36508

You deserved it

3008

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11065

You deserved it

66019

Tweet

Share

By MissMSE - 18/9/2009 08:41 - Canada

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27963

You deserved it

4515

Tweet

Share

By Cup_of___ - 26/11/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8912

You deserved it

29973

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 03:05 - United States

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35416

You deserved it

10419

Tweet

Share

By Evjoel - 12/9/2016 10:52 - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10143

You deserved it

754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 14:06

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6676

You deserved it

1586

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2016 23:40 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20154

You deserved it

2773

Tweet

Share

By joeshmoe - 15/1/2012 12:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34219

You deserved it

25685

Tweet

Share

By sadgirl - 28/2/2012 15:51 - Netherlands

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22868

You deserved it

4243

Tweet

Share

By It wasnt even that close - 31/10/2015 13:23 - Germany - Herford

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25421

You deserved it

1824

Tweet

Share

By exasperated - 17/4/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55029

You deserved it

4596

Tweet

Share

By Ineverknew - 19/3/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76596

You deserved it

7866

Tweet

Share

By avaiia - 9/8/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14622

You deserved it

1577

Tweet

Share

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7441

You deserved it

544

Tweet

Share

By Boredom - 26/1/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18676

You deserved it

75383

Tweet

Share

By Dan223 - 1/10/2015 13:26 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32453

You deserved it

3707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59674

You deserved it

6036

Tweet

Share

By Nachos4lifs - 8/11/2019 01:00

He did not care

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2081

You deserved it

350

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2015 05:29 - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24781

You deserved it

1825

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Eashy | 16

#7444300 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:26

Did you remember to floss your eyelashes aswell?

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7444438 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:41

At least now you'll have a fresh perspective.

COMMENTS

By CantTouchThat | 27

#7444256 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:16

Pics or it didn't happen.

By Eashy | 16

#7444300 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:26

Did you remember to floss your eyelashes aswell?

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#7444438 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:41

At least now you'll have a fresh perspective.

By lukcy_basartd | 11

#7444451 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 2:52

Damn I knew I wasn't the only one! I'm so careful applicating toothpaste to the brush now..

By alaina1104 | 11

#7444464 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 3:59

CRINGE

By Talented73 | 54

#7444701 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 15:09

At least there was no permanent damage. Must be more careful....

By BARNEYSTINSON315 | 10

#7444771 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 17:26

Oh my god. Hope your eye's okay. :(