Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth. As I bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spat a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
Today, I tried to take a slow-motion video of myself flipping my hair like in a shampoo commercial. Instead, I hit my head against the shower door so hard that my shelf of cosmetics collapsed and landed in my toilet. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML
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Top comments
steelmoonlight 23
Why didn't you just use the water to push the hair down the drain?
fuckIife 8
Been there... threw socks in the toilet, and almost pissed in the laundry hamper.
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Comments (11)
steelmoonlight 23
Why didn't you just use the water to push the hair down the drain?
Demon_of_Light 27
You can't rinse hair down the drain; it'll clog everything up.
jcash52426 5
Not necessarily, it depends on how much hair goes down the drain and how often you clean your pipes with a snake or liquid product. But hair does go down your drain when you shave and when you shower. Sometime you just don't even know
ohkitty 21
one singular hair isn't gonna clog the drain up, & the FML specified it was one hair
fuckIife 8
Been there... threw socks in the toilet, and almost pissed in the laundry hamper.
ChiefKoala 30
Ahh, how fun our bodies are when our brains are on autopilot.
cacheson 42
Uh... is there a reason you didn't just put the hair on the trash?
species4872 20
Just to make it a bit more scary for you, it wasn't a hair it was a spider leg and he's gonna come looking for you to get it back.
weejuh 5
Reminds me of that time when I tossed dirty socks in the garbage and a used tampon in the hamper. Sigh...
Moonelo9 14
wait, what???
0utland 18
Hahaha brain fart xD I have done similiar things multiple times myself. Take the chocolate bar out of the wrapper, throw the chocolate away and shove the wrapper in my mouth, is one of many.