Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (407)
iLIFE 0
LMFAO wow, youre a tool, legit. haha
allstarplayer324 0
i agree with #7- go around to random stores and scan yourself and see what you are! I also happen to think it could be kinda cool....to make a statement that nowadays in society we're so materialistic that we think money can buy us anything
nomadxx7 0
@97 Well, considering there are at least a billion different barcodes accross the planet... The chances are like 1 in a billion that he got a barcode of a product that his store stocks. If it was recreated from a UPC found at the store than this is highly probably to get a barcode that would work. However your skin isn't like paper. You have to have a pretty good barcode for it to scan. Any smudge, wrong line thickness would change the value and possibly not work. I just mention that this is probably fake since I work in retail, use UPC codes all the time and had to set up a PoS system. Even scanning slightly faded barcodes sometimes wouldn't work. I will concede maybe a computer glitch or a program that fills in some of the barcode but I honestly don't think that with human error (tattooist) or that he just found something on the internet that it would work. Plus worldwide there are like 5 different UPC variants (different digit length).
Monty_Python 0
How is this an FML?
Prisoner_24601 0
Takes the term "tool" to a new level.
FukMeFukU 0
Lol.. I dont get why you people strive to prove this person is a fake? Fake or not, This is ****** Funny xD
dancing_bear 0
Fake, but should be kept up so people can see #3's comment XD
hydronium 0
I guess you could turn the hammer thing into a nickname somehow..
fettucine 0
wow.. i didn't know that a barcode tattoo would actually scan. I went to get a tattoo once and the artist laughed at me and called me stupid for asking if such a tattoo would actually scan...
permission2laugh 0
#46 your husband is probably a fatass so that tattoo is so stretched out its to big for any scanner. bar code scanners scan width of the line and the width of the space between the line.