Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my building installed a fingerprint scanner for the front door. Feeling futuristic, I pressed my thumb to unlock it while carrying groceries. The scanner rejected me five times in a row because I’d cut my thumb slicing bagels earlier that day. A neighbor watched me fail repeatedly before asking, “Do you actually live here?” FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips and decided to wear it on my wrist. Whilst I was in the shower, I got a shock, thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance and slipped, banging my head on the faucet. FML
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML
Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML
Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML
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Top comments
scott1494 0
haaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa!!!! Talk about being a tool!!!!!
Tucatz 0
Could be worse- at the grocery store you might be a $0.69 can of green beans. And at the drugstore you could be Preparation H. In fact, that should be your new goal- to go around and find out what you are at various stores.
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Comments (407)
stfuminjakid 0
This FML is definitely possible. If you watch the commentary for the movie Hitman they mention that they scanned the barcode from the main character's fake tattoo and he was a can of Progresso soup or something like that. And my G1 can scan barcodes when the pictures fuzzy, not that impossible.
nomadxx7 0
@76 Yeah when in doubt figure somewhere there is a regulating body. I mean how would they make money unless they said, "we need to standardize it and you need to pay for it..." And that would be hilarious if the tattooist used a tool barcode to convey the kid is a tool. FHL
vt_mruhlin 0
I'm with #76 on this one. The tattoo artist was (rightfully) calling you a tool; like all those white people who get asian character tattoos that say things like "Dumb white girl" or "I'm a ****".
Inoku 0
At least you don't ring up as condoms.
isthisminh 0
lol ... cool . i want one now
Claeric 0
"What are the chances that you have the same exact barcode as a product in the store. The ONLY way that would be possible is if you went on the internet, found a random barcode and the tattooist was able to copy the thickness and exact lines of the barcode. If they missed one thin lie or substituted it wouldn't work." Well, considering there are at least a billion different barcodes accross the planet...
mac_fml 0
i dont really see this working. unless you found some random barcode like, laying on the floor at your work and got a tatoo of exactly that, i dont really think the scanner would register your barcode.
Loony_fml 4
Who gets a barcode tattoo anyway???
ducklamp 0
its not fake, i was bored at a job i had in high school and recreated a bar code on the back of business card with a ball point, scanned in just like i planned. props to #3, lmao
fatalscape 0
yeah, i agree with 98. bar codes and their spacing have to be dead on, but if you say so. facebookthis.mybrute.com