Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway... - FML

By Blie - 4/9/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1012

You deserved it

3969

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Time for the ER

Great speech, thanks!

By mustanggt - 10/7/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8817

You deserved it

31057

Tweet

Share

By ShutTheFuCupcake - 13/5/2014 23:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24599

You deserved it

70678

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2017 12:00

Today, after two months of being teased by my friends for getting wasted and passing out from only one shot, I learned that I wasn't actually too weak to handle the alcohol. My "friends" had secretly laced my drink with sleeping pills. They're now teasing me for believing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6337

You deserved it

460

Tweet

Share

By lovergirl - 27/7/2017 12:00 - United States - Orem

Off to a good start!

Today, I received an email from a potential employer with an awesome job opportunity. I was so excited, I immediately went to forward the email to my husband. My email included a lot of "I love you" and "we are going to celebrate tonight ;)". In my excitement, I hit reply instead of forward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2906

You deserved it

1893

Tweet

Share

By CantPublish - 12/4/2012 17:54 - United States - Modesto

Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34892

You deserved it

21753

Tweet

Share

By Dalistair - 23/5/2013 23:25 - United States - High Point

Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52572

You deserved it

2789

Tweet

Share

By mathgenius - 8/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63530

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By Seriously? - 22/7/2017 13:54

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3988

You deserved it

1958

Tweet

Share

By Ugly - 8/3/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50404

You deserved it

10011

Tweet

Share

By lorahayes - 5/1/2012 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38675

You deserved it

10198

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. She brought up the family reunion last weekend and how my family is so strange. I didn't know there was a reunion, I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44192

You deserved it

2659

Tweet

Share

By Ashleighx94 - 5/7/2011 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37008

You deserved it

2723

Tweet

Share

By iheartkanye - 30/6/2019 20:01

Today, my little sister was rhyming words with "truck." When she came to "fuck", I told her never to say that word again because it was bad. She ran around the house screaming it. I'm in trouble for being "a bad influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1591

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By Something I said? - 5/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29958

You deserved it

58797

Tweet

Share

By - 24/1/2020 18:00

Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1373

You deserved it

2266

Tweet

Share

By budda1368 - 9/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Romance isn't dead

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1845

You deserved it

939

Tweet

Share

By happydoctor123 - 28/6/2018 01:30

Today, I took an Uber from work to my friend's home. My water bottle, which was in my backpack in the back seat, leaked and left a little water on his fabric seat. I got an $80 "professional cleaning" bill from Uber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3564

You deserved it

718

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 03:25 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26230

You deserved it

1584

Tweet

Share

By lone_ranger - 25/9/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27254

You deserved it

3451

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28791

You deserved it

5726

Tweet

Share

By lucy_g - 2/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45030

You deserved it

7270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2013 00:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45535

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23973

You deserved it

2580

Tweet

Share

By OfficeSlave - 25/8/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26866

You deserved it

3411

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2012 21:10 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23111

You deserved it

3849

Tweet

Share

By sisco2901 - 22/1/2012 09:12 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35240

You deserved it

5275

Tweet

Share

By Megan - 26/3/2013 19:04 - United States

Today, after my boyfriend promised he wasn't cheating on me, I ran into him at our favorite coffee shop with the girl I suspected him of cheating with. When I confronted them, he acted like he didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53451

You deserved it

4307

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27171

You deserved it

3651

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 04:02

Pennies From Heaven

Today, I bought some shoes, but pissed off the lady working at the store by returning them 5 minutes later. She yelled at me and ripped my receipt in half, everyone in the store watched as she threw a handful of pennies at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1510

You deserved it

407

Tweet

Share

By carnivore - 22/9/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68378

You deserved it

5868

Tweet

Share

By GoldenShower - 25/6/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37833

You deserved it

8052

Tweet

Share

By peepee. - 30/9/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25578

You deserved it

4433

Tweet

Share

By ButNotBed - 4/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2311

You deserved it

800

Tweet

Share

By thatwasembarrassing - 4/9/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3121

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 14:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1986

You deserved it

130

Tweet

Share

By Fairymyass - 17/7/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33819

You deserved it

4481

Tweet

Share

By madseason - 7/5/2012 00:13 - United States

Today, I confronted my girlfriend about cheating on me. Her response was that it's not cheating since she is getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45728

You deserved it

4715

Tweet

Share

By Gage - 27/10/2017 15:00

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2954

You deserved it

309

Tweet

Share

By zazzleface - 9/4/2012 12:23 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31175

You deserved it

2353

Tweet

Share

By yek - 24/12/2015 19:01 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22525

You deserved it

1590

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MitiMiki | 16

#7687848 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:31

Perhaps consider that you may have a problem. Getting so drunk you piss yourself is not a normal, healthy behavior. Not saying you are, but I'll leave this here for you, just in case.

https://www.aa.org

By lifeis4me | 20

#7687930 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 0:35

Stop drinking more than you can handle. This is an FML for whoever had to clean up after you.

COMMENTS

By real life problems | 26

#7687839 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:12

That's why Dorothy just clickes her heels 3 times to get home.

Reply

BeefyQueefy | 14

#7687855 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:38

She was more interested in following the yellow piss road

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7687858 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:43

I KNEW that road wasn't naturally yellow!

By MitiMiki | 16

#7687848 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:31

Perhaps consider that you may have a problem. Getting so drunk you piss yourself is not a normal, healthy behavior. Not saying you are, but I'll leave this here for you, just in case.

https://www.aa.org

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7687863 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:55

AA is for quitters

Reply

caggybandicoot | 34

#7687942 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:32

Yeah, that’s kind of the whole point.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7687867 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 22:10

Did Michael Winslow provide you with the sound effects as you made your way to bed?

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7687890 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 23:13

I was thinking more like Hanz Zimmers wonder woman

By Charlie Given | 23

#7687906 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 23:35

That's why it's called being pissed drunk 🤣🤣😂😏

By lifeis4me | 20

#7687930 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 0:35

Stop drinking more than you can handle. This is an FML for whoever had to clean up after you.

By TomeDr | 21

#7687980 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 4:02

Any FML that starts “I was so drunk...” is an automatic YDI. Just sayin.

By Davros | 12

#7688030 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 8:10

Why didn't you just piss in the elevator like everyone else on youtube?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7689834 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:42

"Today, I was so drunk..." instant YDI

By Adam Sherwin | 3

#7832481 - Thursday 15 August 2019 5:27

I mean you deserved it. but hell that sounded like a hell of a party too.