Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway... - FML

By Blie - 4/9/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

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Oh, hai!

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Compassion

By Briscuit - 5/12/2013 00:00 - Canada - Pitt Meadows

Today, I was granted a donation to pay for a creative writing course. When I told my mom she couldn't even muster a smile. She found her excitement later, however, when she posted how proud she was of me on Facebook. I can only get praise through my mom attention-whoring on social media. FML

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By sugar baby24 - 28/6/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

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By Turnipseed3 - 3/5/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML

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By Me - 11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

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By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

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By awkwardology - 27/9/2013 07:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

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By screwyouchris - 16/10/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2018 18:30

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

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By guess I'm stuck - 16/4/2013 07:23 - United States - Alamo

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

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By killmenow - 21/2/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 22:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 14:40 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2011 13:37 - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

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By - 30/5/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Send help!

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

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By baddormgirl - 19/2/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2016 02:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2011 14:29 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2012 00:22 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

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By australian6196 - 5/2/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

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By anonymous001 - 8/1/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

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By iamamermaid - 20/1/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

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By RBEE - 12/12/2009 18:02 - France

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2015 17:33 - United Kingdom - Limavady

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

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By Shut up loser! - 2/12/2019 03:00

Not her fault neither mine

Today, my 4 year old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML

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By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

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By spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

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By Trouble - 11/4/2017 18:00

Today, at work, I was informed that my manager told the owner, "Everything wrong with my department" is me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 02:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

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By Noname - 22/1/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

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By gj09 - 22/11/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

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By dumb - 3/8/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

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By piper55 - 10/5/2019 14:00

Today, for the first time in a month, I talked to someone in person besides my grandmother and my husband. It was a store clerk calling me "Miss" and asking if I was finding everything okay. FML

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By notastoner - 19/6/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

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By geeb - 23/2/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

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By Katrina641 - 26/2/2010 04:20 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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By PandaSuicide - 1/7/2019 06:29

Today, I jokingly told my die-hard Laker fan dad that I converted to become a Celtics fan. He responded, "Get out of my car." I'm currently sitting on a sidewalk, trying to convince him it was a joke. FML

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Top comments

By MitiMiki | 16

#7687848 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:31

Perhaps consider that you may have a problem. Getting so drunk you piss yourself is not a normal, healthy behavior. Not saying you are, but I'll leave this here for you, just in case.

https://www.aa.org

By lifeis4me | 16

#7687930 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 0:35

Stop drinking more than you can handle. This is an FML for whoever had to clean up after you.

Comments

By real life problems | 26

#7687839 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:12

That's why Dorothy just clickes her heels 3 times to get home.

Reply

BeefyQueefy | 12

#7687855 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:38

She was more interested in following the yellow piss road

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7687858 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:43

I KNEW that road wasn't naturally yellow!

By MitiMiki | 16

#7687848 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:31

Perhaps consider that you may have a problem. Getting so drunk you piss yourself is not a normal, healthy behavior. Not saying you are, but I'll leave this here for you, just in case.

https://www.aa.org

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7687863 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 21:55

AA is for quitters

Reply

caggybandicoot | 34

#7687942 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 1:32

Yeah, that’s kind of the whole point.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7687867 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 22:10

Did Michael Winslow provide you with the sound effects as you made your way to bed?

Reply

real life problems | 26

#7687890 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 23:13

I was thinking more like Hanz Zimmers wonder woman

By Charlie Given | 21

#7687906 - Tuesday 4 September 2018 23:35

That's why it's called being pissed drunk 🤣🤣😂😏

By lifeis4me | 16

#7687930 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 0:35

Stop drinking more than you can handle. This is an FML for whoever had to clean up after you.

By TomeDr | 21

#7687980 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 4:02

Any FML that starts “I was so drunk...” is an automatic YDI. Just sayin.

By Davros | 12

#7688030 - Wednesday 5 September 2018 8:10

Why didn't you just piss in the elevator like everyone else on youtube?

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7689834 - Saturday 8 September 2018 19:42

"Today, I was so drunk..." instant YDI

By Adam Sherwin | 3

#7832481 - Thursday 15 August 2019 5:27

I mean you deserved it. but hell that sounded like a hell of a party too.