Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
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Top comments
Tuesdays76 0
F the spiders life.
not_funny_at_all 3
Being deadly afraid of spiders myself, I can honestly say FYL:(
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Comments (131)
lilash1990 0
ugh, I would have flipped, spiders are nasty. now it's friends are going to come for you.
spencerchu 0
ok ok ok listen to this spiders eat pest such as roaches. not answer this question would u want a spider rolling between ur hands or a roach???? hmmmm?
bamfxd 4
May that spider rest in peace.
FMLjunkie1k 0
pieces
9010649 3
haaaaa
maphineRAWRS 10
I'd only start to worry when you can suddenly project webbing out of your wrist and can climb vertical walls and what not.
brt3420 13
lol dumbass ^
dreamering 16
That's superman.
CockRocket 0
I thought it was Doc Oc?
wisericky 12
wow you guys are stupid, shes talking about Aquaman.
rocketeer_97 1
come ooooon guys ! its obvious shes talking bout the hulk.
Averance 8
spiderman actually just in case you guys werent joking around
MissBunny25 0
I thought it was wonderwoman... aw, shitaki chicken, I need to go read some comic books. *crawls in hole*
mattmadden 0
Haha she said what not. :P
sealed_with_a_sm 2
hAha nice one
iislix1ii 19
-_- no go home. you killed it
Noob30 0
34 Is a dipshit.
maphineRAWRS 10
it's actually spiderman, but thanks haha :)
maphineRAWRS 10
lol, it's spiderman.
xMyazXtr3me 0
lol I took a screenshot and this is totally going on FAILblog.
jellybeeen 0
poor spider :(
hilariexcore 0
Hasn't this been posted before?
Slhruman 4
My place is infested with Brown Recluses. Little bastards are everywhere. I have to pay attention when I grab clothes out of my closet.
gnarkill313 0
strange brown recluses usually like to live in low trafic areas but i fking hate spiders n BR spiders are fkin one of the worst its venom liquifies skin and turns gangrenous u should kill them all
yaer 4
maybe it wasn't dead when you started... Spiders can be very playfull pieces of lint!
cldean24 4
What a cute little bird! Is it a finch or a ummm.. Well I don't know much about birds, other than I like them!
Garytt 0
lint<spider
wisericky 12
it wasnt lint, it was a booger and then you noticed it was a spider. quit picken your nose! you were gunna eat it wernt you...
Cue 0
Poor spider.. I have a tarantula, she's the sweetest thing. You guys are just scared of them because they're different.
iRiS890 5
What makes your spider sweet? It's a spider... I'm pretty sure they're all very similar... Minus the genetically altered specimens of course.
NoOneLovesYou 13
What makes a dog or cat sweet? They're all the same, and not as unique as tarantulas...
mattmadden 0
I'm pretty sure they aren't the same at all. Dogs are playful and make people happy. Spiders just scare the shit out of everyone. And I don't think spiders are brought into nursing homes to cheer up old people, they'd just have a heart attack.
cldean24 4
I'm not knocking spiders, but do they really have personalities? Have you had more than one spider so you can compare? What is so special about your tarantula, does it do tricks, only crawl to you, nuzzle your face with it's hairy little body? I have never had a spider so I don't know anything about them.