Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I spent five minutes trying to kill a spider with my mind. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I finally conquered my fear of spiders by catching one in a cup and releasing it outside. Feeling proud of my bravery, I proudly showed my accomplishment to my roommate, only to realize it wasn't a spider but a piece of lint. I screamed louder than I would have for a spider. FML
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Top comments
Tuesdays76 0
F the spiders life.
not_funny_at_all 3
Being deadly afraid of spiders myself, I can honestly say FYL:(
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Comments (131)
TheNewGuy03 29
the itsy-bitsy spider...got pulverized into an unrecognizable ball of limbs and viscera by an evil lady. |the kid|
Aimetre 0
bahahahaha
natasja 0
RIP spider
luckyseaven 0
I did that once but it was a dried up centapeed. I had the dry heeves for an hour.
kaylaloveyou96 0
that's gross and hilarious at the same time!!
N3VVRmiNd 0
that sounds like it'd be fun, actually
Dreamcatcher619 6
And the lint came from ur pocket?
PinkRoboto 0
Great now I'm gunna have heart failure. I hate spiders man. Don't speak of them!!
mattlovemom 2
that sucks
AveraX76 0
I have a piece of lint you can roll around i call it my trantula