Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
Today, I found out that I spent 3 whole days cleaning my apartment thoroughly and paid $100 to get my carpet professional cleaned to not get my $950 deposit back because the carpet smells like dog. I don't have a dog. FML
Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML
Today, my now ex-boyfriend got us evicted. The lazy prick kept throwing dog poop onto the neighbors' patio instead of disposing it properly. Management told him he could either get rid of the dog or we had to go. My ex refused and slammed the door in his face. The lease is in my name, so my credit is fucked. FML
Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML
Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, my apartment building shut off our water for a short period of time because the pipes were being worked on. It was also the morning my dog had diarrhea on my cream carpet. Not only did I have to clean it up without water, I couldn't wash my hands afterward. FML
Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Pet interview? I'll bet the poor dog was nervous trying to answer the probing questions concerning all of the lies and exaggerations you put on his résumé (or C. V., if you will.) You fudged his credentials, so he fudged the office.
Xythenol 6
"REQUIRED PET INTERVIEW". Your spelling is atrocious, no wonder your reading skills suck too.
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Comments (62)
mrahhhhh 21
There's a 50% chance that that's a bitch, and a 100% chance that you're in a shitty situation. Sorry for the second part of the first sentence, I could literally think of nothing better to say.
unidentified_sta 5
You know, if you don't have anything better to say I got a radical idea for ya... Here it is, how about just not saying anything then. Absurd innit?
White_Fury 0
Why is 'Got sick' in quotations? Anyways! Does your dog do all of your interviews for you? Air Bud: Interviewee. Coming to DVD very soon!
MonkeyMan03 0
it's a pet interview dumbass the dog need to be there.
TXjuggalo972 6
I'm going to have to create a montage of all the crazy words op's come up with lol defecated?
chippa 24
... EDIT: I clicked on your profile and saw that you're only thirteen, so I'm just not going to say anything.
sallen0046 4
"Defecation" is not a crazy word. It's the appropriate scientific term for the act, just as "urination" is the appropriate scientific term for pee. A thirteen year old should know this. Get a dictionary.
macskapingvin 0
Disclosed defecation is usually deprecated.
Shokz992 0
22 - I hate humanity because of your stupidity.
TXjuggalo972 6
lol im not just talking about one word and yeah I may not of heard of it and probably a lot more people haven't heard of it and that there are other words and phrases SOME people may not use so you may be around the word defecated alot but I am not abd I'm 13 I'm not 4 say what your gonna say I also I know what it means because I can tell I'm not retarded
TXjuggalo972 6
and*
alexFYL 11
Holy run-on sentence.
amypr 20
You can tell you're not retarded? I can't.
chippa 24
Kid, a couple years from now when you need a laugh, take a look at what you just posted.
TXjuggalo972 6
look what sayin here is that some people think of words as unused and that there are simpler words like for example defecation he could if just used the dog took a shit on wherever
DocBastard 40
Look TXjuggalo972, just stop trying to defend yourself. You're digging yourself into a deeper hole. You made a mistake, so get over it. Some people would rather use the proper terminology rather than slang. Just because you've never heard the word doesn't mean they are "unused". Ever heard of micturition? No? That's the medical term for pissing. How about mastication? It sounds dirty, but it just means chewing. You're only 13 - you have a lot to learn.
TXjuggalo972 6
I'm not trying to defend myself! y'all are overthinking what I said god I'm only trying to make a point of what I said and u still attack me for it
TXjuggalo972 6
look I'm trying to say that the damn dog took a shit on the desk so he should say the dog took a shit on the desk instead of defecated
aworm27 2
Maybe the OP is a classy individual doesn't like to cuss. Defecate is the proper word, "taking a shit" is ugly slang.
kgarci07 0
agree :)
Chinnithy 0
You would have to take off your clothes in order for that to happen.
falloutNV 0
noob
bummervacation 10
Pet interview? ......What. The. ****?
CakeSlicer 0
Pet interview? How odd. Why?
sallen0046 4
You took the time to post on FML instead of immediately cleaning this up? If you "got" the place based solely on the fact you had a house trained animal, and knew they were going to want to see said animal (which you obviously did since you brought it along for a required interview) you should have spent several days closely watching it's diet, behavior and bathroom habits to be certain there would be no accidents.
alexFYL 11
It's possible the car ride or a new location made the dog sick (car rides would make my childhood cat poop all over the place). I'd like to think I would notice my dog feeling ill before she made a mess everywhere, but sometimes it happens.
sammy0002 0
this.is.stupid. :~|