Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

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The best cat

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Who's a good boy?

By Tor - 21/4/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

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By fuck em all - 27/9/2018 14:00

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

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By EliseV - 3/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

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By bigmozwoman - 18/9/2015 02:18 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

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By You'veHadTwoWeeksToTellMe - 24/4/2017 12:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, one hour before bedtime on the last day of the school holidays, my kids informed me that they need art smocks for school. They have no idea why I'm frustrated. FML

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By Labro9 - 23/10/2016 08:20

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

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By Tristansefam1367 - 12/3/2012 13:11 - United States

Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML

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By worriedman - 3/7/2015 15:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

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By izzy - 15/5/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2012 19:17 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

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By sharibaby - 30/4/2013 21:26 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML

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By Neverthebride - 22/5/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

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By human lava lamp - 10/3/2013 19:54 - United States - New Britain

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

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By lifestinks - 23/8/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

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By unfortunate - 9/6/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I was late to work and couldn't get my gas tank open. Panicking, I asked the only person around to help me who happened to be a very large man. He was able to open it for me and seemed really nice. That is until he pulled out a knife and robbed me. FML

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By aurora320 - 19/7/2016 19:50 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

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By 404 justice not found - 21/4/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

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By - 24/3/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom - Sutton Coldfield

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5am, which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7am. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10am. Just let me sleep. FML

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By um...no? i don't think so anyway - 15/12/2013 19:16 - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2015 17:35 - United States - Keuka Park

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

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By branwen5 - 9/10/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

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By FML - 5/10/2014 23:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 12:00

Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML

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By always amazed - 7/3/2016 14:03 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

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By - 9/1/2020 20:00

Winner

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2017 16:00

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 9/4/2020 14:00

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Today, while at a party, my extremely drunk crush came up to me and told me she had a crush on me. She then wanted to have sex with me while she drunk, but since she was under the influence I didn't. Later, when I told her about it, she say denied the fact that she likes me. FML

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By poohead - 9/12/2009 05:07 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

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By mariology - 11/12/2013 12:33 - United States - Newark

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

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By Marcowalker95 - 7/8/2012 04:16 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

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By [email protected] - 25/2/2009 07:42 - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

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By yellowjacket_34 - 13/11/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

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By post it - 31/3/2015 03:27 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2019 05:00

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

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By mylifesucks - 31/1/2014 23:50 - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By NooOOooOO - 11/10/2017 23:15

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

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By SeriouslyMakeItStop - 21/3/2014 11:09 - United States - Waco

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

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By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

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Top comments

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.

Comments

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

Reply

elizabeth713 | 8

#5369728 - Saturday 16 February 2013 1:27

*nicknamed *their

By elishaax | 0

#783876 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

Lmfao xD Fyl

By craze189 | 0

#783879 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

sorry you had 2 hear that. that had to hurt a bit, so yeah, FYL.

By jair_lhao | 0

#783882 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:21

cool I was number 1 that was unexpected lol

Reply

containsnosoy | 0

#783897 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:27

Damn, it's not your day. Not only did you not mention anything about the FML in the rush to be #1, but you're actually #4. Better luck next time!

Reply

crzyry | 6

#783964 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:12

Ummmm, he was number 1 and number 4 and his first message was about the Fml... It would appear you are the one having the bad day. Jmho

By containsnosoy | 0

#783888 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:23

Ouch, time to find a new addiction.

By containsnosoy | 0

#783892 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:25

.

By ffmmllyaya | 0

#783903 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:30

containnosoy also containnobrain

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#783913 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#784708 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 20:55

thats a lie...

Reply

mattis78 | 0

#784760 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 21:22

Agreed #9

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#785778 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:35

No, #9's right. Hot bitchy people are irritating to be around.

Though, hot nice people have a one-up on ugly nice people I'm afraid.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785781 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:37

I agree with the first half of your statement #9.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#795066 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:32

Agreed. For it is the circle of life

By E40_fml | 0

#783918 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:39

Dump your drink on him when they hand it to you.

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.