Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

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Season finale

Out of it

Modernity

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling unusually self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on makeup for the day. On my way to class, I passed some guys selling towels. One of them jeered, "Wanna be prettier? Buy a towel, and throw it over your face!" There goes my self-confidence. FML

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By imagrouch - United States - Slippery Rock

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my 30-year-old husband about why Sesame Street isn't a "soap opera." FML

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By Allabouttheporn

Today, at dinner, I was talking to my parents about a movie quote. I couldn't remember what movie it was from. Then I remembered. It was a porno. FML

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By promoted - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

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By only 10 more hours to go - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Federal Way

Today, I had to re-grade a student's assignments because neither he, nor his parents can read "Spanish." I'd written in cursive. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

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By savanna - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

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By Foreveralone - United States - Hartford

Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML

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By sirengamer - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

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By nano123 - 17/4/2020 08:00

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By sinceresally

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

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By maggierose171 - United States - Rosendale

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

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By Anon - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

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By foreveralone - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

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By woodre - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

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By seamonkeys - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

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By Depressed and clueless - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

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By alanh69 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

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By ohemmgeee - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

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By thesixth - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

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By that guy

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

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By 4themoneh - United States

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

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By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By lostcar - United States

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

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By OnlyMee - United States

Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

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By Jorgina226 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

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By HereWeGoAgain - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

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By denting-and-venting - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found a parking spot in front of my work. I parked and another car pulled into the spot just in front of me. The next thing I know, the car in front backs up and slams into my car. Turns out she didn't notice the fire hydrant next to her spot and screamed at me cause I, "stole her spot." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

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By underemployed - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

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Top comments

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.

COMMENTS

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

Reply

elizabeth713 | 8

#5369728 - Saturday 16 February 2013 1:27

*nicknamed *their

By elishaax | 0

#783876 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

Lmfao xD Fyl

By craze189 | 0

#783879 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

sorry you had 2 hear that. that had to hurt a bit, so yeah, FYL.

By jair_lhao | 0

#783882 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:21

cool I was number 1 that was unexpected lol

Reply

containsnosoy | 0

#783897 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:27

Damn, it's not your day. Not only did you not mention anything about the FML in the rush to be #1, but you're actually #4. Better luck next time!

Reply

crzyry | 6

#783964 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:12

Ummmm, he was number 1 and number 4 and his first message was about the Fml... It would appear you are the one having the bad day. Jmho

By containsnosoy | 0

#783888 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:23

Ouch, time to find a new addiction.

By containsnosoy | 0

#783892 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:25

.

By ffmmllyaya | 0

#783903 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:30

containnosoy also containnobrain

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#783913 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#784708 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 20:55

thats a lie...

Reply

mattis78 | 0

#784760 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 21:22

Agreed #9

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#785778 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:35

No, #9's right. Hot bitchy people are irritating to be around.

Though, hot nice people have a one-up on ugly nice people I'm afraid.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785781 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:37

I agree with the first half of your statement #9.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#795066 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:32

Agreed. For it is the circle of life

By E40_fml | 0

#783918 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:39

Dump your drink on him when they hand it to you.

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.