Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32977

You deserved it

3112

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

Bad news

The end of the road

By bastardddd - United States

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48342

You deserved it

6359

Tweet

Share

By alikat - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20158

You deserved it

44460

Tweet

Share

By Imagino1234 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6798

You deserved it

1214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/3/2020 05:30

Stay safe, stay home

Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1827

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By

Touched for the very first time

Today, I went to a new doctor. She asked me how long I had been sexually active. I said I'm not. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2225

You deserved it

327

Tweet

Share

By jitiizer - Netherlands - Leeuwarden

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34820

You deserved it

2302

Tweet

Share

By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3035

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By queenmeme - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41264

You deserved it

3713

Tweet

Share

By fired - United States - Portland

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9639

You deserved it

46828

Tweet

Share

By Jukka

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32683

You deserved it

8424

Tweet

Share

By tigerfiend - United States

Today, I went to a plastic surgeon's office with a friend. The doctor walked in and before he could look at the consult papers, he started explaining the lipo suction procedure to me. I had to interrupt him and tell him that I was only there for support for my friend's nose job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47603

You deserved it

5750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11052

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By Becca - United States - Portland

Today, my mother-in-law "borrowed" my dog without asking, to show him off to her friends. My dog is my service animal, and I'm not comfortable leaving the house without him. I have to be at work in an hour, and she's not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2124

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By sa la vash - Netherlands

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35142

You deserved it

8229

Tweet

Share

By AllieOops - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36397

You deserved it

3007

Tweet

Share

By snowbum69 - United States - Meridian

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53318

You deserved it

5815

Tweet

Share

By ZAS - Canada

Today, at the daycare center that I volunteer at, a 5 year old boy asked me "What do you do when you really want something?". I told him to try his best to get it and give it his best. He ended up stealing from the donation box and when he was caught he said that I told him to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54534

You deserved it

6243

Tweet

Share

By my kids smell bad

Today, I got into a screaming match with the mother of my kids. I told her they need to bathe more often. According to her, anything more than once a week is excessive and bad for their skin. My kids play sports and smell like puppies from the pound. She doesn’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2274

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24799

You deserved it

1679

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26979

You deserved it

5525

Tweet

Share

By baconbxtch - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53880

You deserved it

4698

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13439

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1310

Tweet

Share

By candidcripple - United States

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49379

You deserved it

4490

Tweet

Share

By WamBamSam - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29951

You deserved it

2327

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2020 08:00

Poisoned chalice

Today, I inherited a lot of money from a great aunt that I had forgotten about. Her immediate family are all scumbags who were only after her money, so she willed it to me and my mom to say "fuck you" to them from beyond the grave. Now I keep getting threatening phone calls. Thanks auntie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1905

You deserved it

417

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Perris

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

5178

Tweet

Share

By dumbmotherinlaw - United States - San Diego

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12163

You deserved it

789

Tweet

Share

By insert pussy pun, hurr durr - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12214

You deserved it

1134

Tweet

Share

By stutterernotschizophrenic

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26693

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

By thereisnobaby - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12070

You deserved it

753

Tweet

Share

By wheezy - United States - Bay Springs

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42819

You deserved it

4195

Tweet

Share

By Jackassed - United States

Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15488

You deserved it

59001

Tweet

Share

By pain in my gums - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5871

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By brittney242 - United States - Stow

Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8537

You deserved it

631

Tweet

Share

By catsofly7 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at 9:00am. I left at around 8:30am, and as soon as I got in the car to drive to the interview, I checked my phone again, and it said 10:33. My boyfriend had decided to change the time on my clock as a "joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41731

You deserved it

4458

Tweet

Share

By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I learned that you should always check the inside of your guitar to avoid a snake bite. Nope, strings don't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12520

You deserved it

817

Tweet

Share

By bystander - United States

Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26667

You deserved it

2876

Tweet

Share

By Idi - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20084

You deserved it

8426

Tweet

Share

By jriese444 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27413

You deserved it

3302

Tweet

Share

By WasteOfOxygen08

Crockery story

Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1732

You deserved it

403

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.

COMMENTS

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

Reply

elizabeth713 | 8

#5369728 - Saturday 16 February 2013 1:27

*nicknamed *their

By elishaax | 0

#783876 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

Lmfao xD Fyl

By craze189 | 0

#783879 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

sorry you had 2 hear that. that had to hurt a bit, so yeah, FYL.

By jair_lhao | 0

#783882 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:21

cool I was number 1 that was unexpected lol

Reply

containsnosoy | 0

#783897 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:27

Damn, it's not your day. Not only did you not mention anything about the FML in the rush to be #1, but you're actually #4. Better luck next time!

Reply

crzyry | 6

#783964 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:12

Ummmm, he was number 1 and number 4 and his first message was about the Fml... It would appear you are the one having the bad day. Jmho

By containsnosoy | 0

#783888 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:23

Ouch, time to find a new addiction.

By containsnosoy | 0

#783892 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:25

.

By ffmmllyaya | 0

#783903 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:30

containnosoy also containnobrain

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#783913 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#784708 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 20:55

thats a lie...

Reply

mattis78 | 0

#784760 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 21:22

Agreed #9

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#785778 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:35

No, #9's right. Hot bitchy people are irritating to be around.

Though, hot nice people have a one-up on ugly nice people I'm afraid.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785781 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:37

I agree with the first half of your statement #9.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#795066 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:32

Agreed. For it is the circle of life

By E40_fml | 0

#783918 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:39

Dump your drink on him when they hand it to you.

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.