Miscellaneous: Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

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Keep your enemies closer

You sure it was your birthday?

Death wish

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad ate my pet rabbit two years ago. He said he ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cleaning out my garage, I found a pregnant spider. I couldn't step on the spider without releasing the baby spiders, so I went inside to get a glass jar to trap it. While trying to relocate the spider, I accidentally stepped on it. I now have a bunch of baby spiders roaming around. FML

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By Mils - Australia - Blackburn

Maternal monitoring

Today, I learned the hard way that my parents leave the baby monitor in my room when my boyfriend stays over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

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By fhe - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I was fixing a leak in the roof. When I was climbing down the ladder, it fell, but I managed to grab the ledge of the roof. The ladder hit my wife's car, then I fell on top of the ladder. My wife came running out to ask what happened to the car. FML

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By midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

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By Not a day over 35 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By unfortunategeek - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

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By Ford

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

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By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

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By >.> - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom put a candle on in the living room. She told the family "how much she loved it!" My mom then went on the tell us that my dad got it for her and it must have been some cheap candle. I bought the candle as a gift for her on her birthday. Thanks mom. FML

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By holy sleet - United States - Rochester

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

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By ottawaaa - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

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By .__. - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML

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By bowler - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the bowling alley. The manager was busy and asked if I could wait. Let's just say I've never bowled before, and I wanted to know how deep the hole was on the bowling ball. The interview ended with him spitting on my finger, trying to get it out. FML

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By Bobby

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

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By CriminalMistake - United States

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

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By Bex

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

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By schoolgrlstaci - United States

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

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By tellingthetruth - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

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By painfulintercourse - Canada

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

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By sashimieater - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

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By lonelyloser - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

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By Sucker

* facepalm *

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newport

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

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By dasbooot - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

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By ashbeat - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

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By Cail - United States

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

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By lion2294 - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

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By religionbites621 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

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By LawStudent - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

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By joanikens - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 02:01

Gonna need more details, please

Today, I learned my husband thinks that our 10 year relationship has been a "step above mediocre" since 8 years ago, when we got married, and his family melted down that our wedding didn't happen their way, and thus began their undermining of our relationship. He believes it's "no ones fault." Uh huh. FML

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By Christina - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

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By mylifereallysuks - United States

Today, I got an email from my cute teacher about reminding us to bring stuff for the next lesson. As a joke I clicked on reply and wrote about how I think he is so cute and handsome. Right then and there I clicked to go look at other messages. A little box came up..."MESSAGE SENT". FML

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Top comments

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.

COMMENTS

By jair_lhao | 0

#783863 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:15

aww they Nickname you that means they care<3 you're there friend now lol

Reply

elizabeth713 | 8

#5369728 - Saturday 16 February 2013 1:27

*nicknamed *their

By elishaax | 0

#783876 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

Lmfao xD Fyl

By craze189 | 0

#783879 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:19

sorry you had 2 hear that. that had to hurt a bit, so yeah, FYL.

By jair_lhao | 0

#783882 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:21

cool I was number 1 that was unexpected lol

Reply

containsnosoy | 0

#783897 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:27

Damn, it's not your day. Not only did you not mention anything about the FML in the rush to be #1, but you're actually #4. Better luck next time!

Reply

crzyry | 6

#783964 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 10:12

Ummmm, he was number 1 and number 4 and his first message was about the Fml... It would appear you are the one having the bad day. Jmho

By containsnosoy | 0

#783888 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:23

Ouch, time to find a new addiction.

By containsnosoy | 0

#783892 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:25

.

By ffmmllyaya | 0

#783903 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:30

containnosoy also containnobrain

By The_Great_Zucchi | 14

#783913 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Towelie_31 | 0

#784708 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 20:55

thats a lie...

Reply

mattis78 | 0

#784760 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 21:22

Agreed #9

Reply

CyclonePsycho | 1

#785778 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:35

No, #9's right. Hot bitchy people are irritating to be around.

Though, hot nice people have a one-up on ugly nice people I'm afraid.

Reply

amy397123 | 0

#785781 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 7:37

I agree with the first half of your statement #9.

Reply

RandomGuy1234 | 0

#795066 - Sunday 24 January 2010 7:32

Agreed. For it is the circle of life

By E40_fml | 0

#783918 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:39

Dump your drink on him when they hand it to you.

By intensitive | 11

#783937 - Tuesday 19 January 2010 9:51

Being as Jamba Juice is a large franchise, you have the option of writing to the company to complain.