Miscellaneous: Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize...

By Username - 14/07/2011 20:09 - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 266

You deserved it 5 735

Miscellaneous

Another great day to be alive

Nutter on the bus

It's not working out (for us)

C'mon Kids

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 23:01

Today, my fiancé walked out on me saying he loved me dearly, but not enough to continue parenting my three kids from my previous marriage because they hate him, he now hates them, and they’re not his problem to continue dealing with. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 604

By MouserMan - 22/10/2014 14:47 - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 065

You deserved it 4 275

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 712

You deserved it 4 549

Good guys

By Raquel - 14/12/2021 08:01

Today, I found out my husband was having an affair with his coworker. When I had a talk with him about it, his response in all seriousness was, “Lose that weight that you didn’t have before and I’ll stop fucking her.” I’d gained weight giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 278

By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 418

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 15:00 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it is inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 180

You deserved it 2 683

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 754

You deserved it 11 129

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 07:30 - Canada - Delta

Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 468

You deserved it 4 862

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 12:34 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 475

You deserved it 6 853

By bobbies - 15/04/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 580

You deserved it 5 948

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 162

You deserved it 2 724

By Anonymous - 14/07/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 120

You deserved it 1 556

Sex, Different idea

By BloodyButUnbowed - 24/11/2019 03:00

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was "Is it hot?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 575

You deserved it 550

By Annebelle - 14/05/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 875

You deserved it 6 717

Mind your own beeswax, Amanda

By look in the mirror bitch - 10/11/2020 14:04

Today, I called someone out for her brazen homophobia. She was ranting about how gays are sinners. When I mentioned that she had three children by three different men, all out of wedlock, and was currently living with her boyfriend, also considered a sin, she reported me to HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 222

No kink shaming

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 08:01 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out the real reason for my parents' divorce. Not because they had grown apart as they claimed, but because my dad was sleeping with hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 17:38 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 498

You deserved it 9 621

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 961

You deserved it 23 555

By BrokenHangLow - 24/04/2017 12:00 - United States - Havelock

Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 385

By Spinster - 30/09/2015 05:26 - United States - Brush

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 2 406

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 13:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 710

You deserved it 4 334

By loser - 17/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 957

You deserved it 52 065

By Angie - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 1 965

By Jacqueline - 01/07/2012 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 164

You deserved it 4 767

By Sam - 20/06/2010 13:18 - France

Today, I learned that in my family, 'Father's Day' is more like 'Father's drunken, piss on a plant in the kitchen during breakfast, order you to scrub in between his toes with your toothbrush Day.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 967

You deserved it 3 739

By NotKeithRichards - 06/09/2011 12:07 - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 238

You deserved it 28 572

By Cinderella - 09/07/2017 14:55

Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 867

You deserved it 2 321

By epicsandwichartist - 05/05/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 777

You deserved it 3 625

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 3 027

By Iamfurios - 12/12/2016 18:43

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 487

You deserved it 695

Private

By E.. - 20/10/2021 20:00

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 256

By flying solo - 28/01/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 100

You deserved it 2 214

By Fredgruff - 09/01/2010 13:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 6 796

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 18:51

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 917

You deserved it 4 349

By itssomething - 01/03/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 515

You deserved it 2 613

By Anonymous - 19/06/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 460

You deserved it 124 707

By ofcourse - 13/09/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 823

You deserved it 2 607

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 839

You deserved it 5 847

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 756

You deserved it 7 764

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 542

You deserved it 6 397

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SirBedevere 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:26

That's called male bonding.

juston_p 1

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:31

*pfft* *brrght* Noooooo!!! you're off key.

obsydian_fml 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:24

Perfect harmony :)

mrbaka 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:27

a little father son bonding time ..wonder which one will stink more..lol

Idonebeenhad 17

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:29

Peter Griffin vs Michael Moore

Iamnotmyself 17

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:35

I hope to God your father isn't Chuck Norris, because if he is, we are all doomed.

futtbuck101 1

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:38

Are you Meg?

rallets 22

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:40

#7 dammit, beat me to it >:(

dolphincheddar 10

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:43

yes nobody could ever reenact the symphony of beautful sounds from Peter and michaels asses

YourEvilHero 12

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:46

it could have been worse. you could have walked in on incest

theaws0m3guy 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:11

Pure bliss. :)

FunnyWeasel 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:24

Join the fun!

swimchica22 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:56

stink bomb

FunnyWeasel 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:02

Join the fun

wolflover44 5

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:23

What would posses men to ever want to do that? Burping songs is funny. I don't get the farting thing. It's a bit disgusting...

Keyman1212 14

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:41

When I read "walked in on..." I thought this was going to involve father and son 69ing. Is there something wrong with me?

fooldaddyswag 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 4:03

shut up stop tryin to be funny

aardvarkish 15

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Friday 15 July 2011 4:38

"Buy the world a Coke" comes to mind...

zendaddy0 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 6:26

I all of a sudden want to harmonize my fart to a techno song dubstep fart womp womp womp womp womp

Sacurason 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:58

They may have harmonized them, but they were still out of tune ;)

katiekatie412 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 8:02

Kodak moment

jesernoob 13

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Friday 15 July 2011 8:44

lol

ImFrackinBored 13

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Friday 15 July 2011 9:31

I fail to see how this is deserved... As far as i can tell you can't pick your family... But that had to be funny as hell...

scrapmetal58 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 17:08

I thought it would be something sexual when I started reading this FML. I'm not sure if I was disappointed or relieved. Or both.

z620 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 22:59

I see no FML in this...

prince122 0

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Sunday 17 July 2011 7:35

does this remind any one of family guy

volley4eva1698 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:25

id buy that songg! makin moola with farts

hiyourcute 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:47

That's a skill you can take right to America's Got Talent.

TheresNoEffingwa 7

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:33

Family guy!!

alexg823 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 5:32

I hope you don't autotune it.

diceplaya 12

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Friday 15 July 2011 6:06

The problem here is?... That's awesome!

StopDropNRoll 11

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Friday 15 July 2011 14:52

I would say the problem is he/she didn't join. now harmonizing 3 farts would have made the show ^

KatieLov3sChu 4

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:26

lol get some ear and nose plugs asap

joooeee 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 4:10

or butt plugs

CatEyes66 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 4:27

I say put a zip tie around the trigger of a Febreeze air freshener bottle and throw it in the stink room like a grenade. Just make sure you run away after throwing it.

SirBedevere 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:26

That's called male bonding.

GuitarFail123 9

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Friday 15 July 2011 6:33

epic win^(>^-^)>

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:08

Every time you announce an "epic win", you come that much closer to having your pelvis shatter into a million pieces against your skull.

xJudii 5

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:28

That's really gross.

nikl 6

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Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:36

No it is awesome

MissRoxiie 12

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:30

walk out the room and run for the febreeze, one of womens most precious weapon against mens.

EmyB_fml 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:48

I know, I bet that just smelled lovely

Nerry_fml 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 3:16

mens...nice

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:46

Febreeze=The men de-stink-o-nator

Yarrachel 16

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:31

Are they going to get in a contest with Peter Griffin and Michael Moore?

wowlol727 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:46

they wuld lose....

StudMuffinette 17

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:58

You sir, deserve a medal.

stuart169 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:07

Nice Lol

holybuckets 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:31

Aw. Bonding time :)

niswisk 3

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:31

wish my family was like that lol

papaicey 0

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Monday 18 July 2011 17:16

me too

juston_p 1

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Friday 15 July 2011 1:31

*pfft* *brrght* Noooooo!!! you're off key.

valdancer99 0

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Friday 15 July 2011 2:05

hahahahahhahahahahhahahha this made me laugh so hard

redbluegreen 40

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:10

"Now you're coming in too flat!"

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Friday 15 July 2011 7:48

Ahahahaha Everyone just take a mo to visualize your bro/dad in that scene. LMAO.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 788

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 1 025

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