Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
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Top comments
ojskyguy 8
Search your room for hidden surveillance.
michaelm1290 23
Tell your dad to beat it.
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Comments (120)
MrSassypants 34
OP, I don't mean to alarm you but you misspelled "off" in your username. Unless you're telling your dad to **** somebody named "fof".
sunnyray812 42
I'm more concerned that the last part of the username says "die dad." O.o
seemo82 19
or maybe "fof" is a beast that u die just right after u **** it
AriettaX 15
guess you'll have to "knock" it off instead of whack it off! get it? knock? ....... haha
Enslaved 38
Dad: "Son, how many times do I have to tell you that if you keep masturbating you'll go blind?" Son: "Umm.... I'm over here dad."
tony1891 22
would you be considered a master baiter then?
Marcella1016 32
If his dad lured him to catch him on purpose, and was great at it, he'd be a master masturbator baiter.
tehstarchild 16
If you don't succeed.Try,try again
JuliusSeizure 18
Look him dead in the eyes and finish like a beast. Assert your dominance. Or do the danger wank: Yell "DADDDD!" and then the challenge is to finish and clean up before he gets upstairs to your room.
Kodaline_fml 6
Kinda like whack off olympics hahaha I wanna see this happen once.
hippodankamus 22
There's a simple solution here: ********** later
LeBandit 20
father's have a sixth sense
victoria63 12
take a shower man.
bearstyle22 11
Should of chose sleight of hand perk instead.
mosquito19 14
stop doing that in your room. your room will smell like jiz.
23lf 16
If that was true, my room would smell like so much semen I get quarantined.