Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I was rushing around like a lunatic trying to get my shit together and knocked on my son's door a few times. The fourth time I did it, he shouted at me to just fuck off already because he’s trying to have a wank. Oops, and TMI son, TMI. FML
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML
Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ojskyguy 8
Search your room for hidden surveillance.
michaelm1290 23
Tell your dad to beat it.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
skyeyez9 25
Interrupt your parents every time they try to have sex or if you dad is spending too much time alone.
stumanchew 4
Find that camera and finish on it.
SammiixSue 13
After the first time you either shut up or stop. YDI
limabeans101029 21
He was trying to have a "quiet jack off", so I think we can assume he wasn't being too loud. His dad was totally at fault here.
ShenaniganNinja 20
Yeah he's probably spying on you somehow. Next time he says stop it, just say no and keep going. Go full insanity wolf on him.
devans00 14
Obviously you aren't as quiet as you think. If someone can hear you through a closed door. Work on it.
KingAdrock 16
That's what locks are for. If your bedroom doesn't have one, then go in the bathroom and have your fap while the water's running.
BubbleCobra 6
If he wont let you get some one handed love making gong on in your room, take it to the livingroom, or better yet, the diningroom, and just assume your ultimate form on that shit. If he walks in look him dead in the eye, and don't look away or stop, keep going.
pedinhuh 23
Amazing how you still had the boner to keep going after The first time he busted you..
Starham1 14
Holy shit. Wow. Oh my go. You need to move out.
lagreeni 16
You got to learn to act in fraught situations or you won't survive