Miscellaneous: Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother...

By Anonymous - 08/03/2014 23:13 - United States

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 586

You deserved it 4 734

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 571

You deserved it 3 452

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - 27/02/2016 07:25 - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 158

You deserved it 1 320

Good kid

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 13:59

Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 159

Mah grandbabiiiiiies!!!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 06:00

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 120

By fmlgirl - 09/05/2014 18:44 - Netherlands - Hulst

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 028

You deserved it 3 903

Solid case for the defense

By DT_tasha - 11/09/2022 15:00

Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 142

Grandma's here!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 14:00

Today, my mother-in-law was so rabid to meet her first grandson, she didn’t just nudge me aside to get to the delivery room, she two-hand shoved me in the chest so I flew backwards and down a flight of stairs. I’m now in a neck brace for a hairline crack to my vertebrae and can’t pick up my own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 76

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 619

Food for thought

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 06:13 - United States - Houston

Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 152

You deserved it 2 054

The truth will out

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 11:00

Today, my uncle got drunk and started ranting about how great I was and how amazing it is that I almost wasn’t born because somehow I managed to survive the failed abortion my mom really wanted. News to me. Mom never wanted me and tried to abort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 79

ironichalibut 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:37

I imagine your brother lost his umbilical cord by now, so maybe you're in the clear.. Maybe..

xTuttie 14

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:34

Ouch.. What an awful thing to say. Feeling sorry for you!

Comments

xTuttie 14

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:34

Ouch.. What an awful thing to say. Feeling sorry for you!

yahoowizard 16

Sunday 9 March 2014 11:19

Sounds hilarious to me. If I was OP I'd just be glad to be alive.

jo0owe 9

Sunday 9 March 2014 11:42

Hahaha that what i was thinking XD that was actually pretty clever and a Nice joke

1947Chevy 17

Thursday 13 March 2014 1:08

Perhaps that's what Ops brother wants 33

DaRito 25

Tuesday 7 April 2015 4:24

>typical sympathetic "ouch" comment designed to get top

guineagirl 18

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:36

He sounds sweet

rackmill 11

Sunday 9 March 2014 18:26

I like your profile picture! David Tennant!!!

lengi123 18

Monday 10 March 2014 2:46

No. It's the doctor. GET IT RIGHT!!!

DropTheDaggerxx 31

Monday 10 March 2014 4:16

Actually, it's Barty Crouch Jr.

cre8tvlylicnsd 14

Monday 10 March 2014 6:10

Actually, all three of you are right. No matter who it is, all three personas are amazing.

shakiam014 12

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rocker_chick105 31

Sunday 9 March 2014 13:52

If you mean OP's twin, it states "brother" and "he." If you mean OP's mom, then your comment doesn't make sense.

ironichalibut 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:37

I imagine your brother lost his umbilical cord by now, so maybe you're in the clear.. Maybe..

extrasnipes 22

Sunday 9 March 2014 12:46

I think the baby is Stewie. So he has something better.

kozzard 17

Sunday 9 March 2014 21:00

That's what rope is for

DaMann360 19

Sunday 9 March 2014 22:35

#38, stewie was born with a map of Europe. It had a bunch of x's on it saying "bomb here"

peceout 29

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:37

I would be scared.

traviscool 12

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:38

at least its nearly ureaster pun pun pun

Pleonasm 35

Sunday 9 March 2014 10:19

What?

Schizomaniac 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 11:47

Where's Doc's idiot translator when you need it?

tj4234 35

Sunday 9 March 2014 12:05

That's a good point actually... Where is docbastard? Not seen him in ages....

syki 22

Sunday 9 March 2014 13:25

Easter… resurrection? I may not be a doctor, but I'm training to be one. Not much of a bastard, either, but you'll have to take what you can get. :P

Pleonasm 35

Sunday 9 March 2014 13:27

That's probably the closest to deciphering it we'll ever get... thank you!

rocker_chick105 31

Sunday 9 March 2014 13:53

ureaster... urethra? I truly do not know on this one.

enddmd 27

Sunday 9 March 2014 14:29

#46 - I'm pretty sure you've translated it.

gracehi 31

Sunday 9 March 2014 16:51

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Perdix, ManintheMachine, Baustagit, or that Muslim chick who everyone mistakes for a nun in a while either...her name escapes me right now. I thought things had gotten shittier around here.

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 10 March 2014 3:21

So now, how does the translation fit in with the FML?

dp920 14

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:40

ahh the "evil twin" .

peceout 29

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:44

He's Loki.

Flowtastic 16

Sunday 9 March 2014 10:41

Only not because Loki wasn't a twin....

peceout 29

Sunday 9 March 2014 14:18

Well he's like Luke then. (Janoskians) I'm just kidding, Luke is awesome.

hulopro 16

Monday 10 March 2014 4:37

I was waiting for this comment

ruckfules85 34

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:40

When tf is there supposed to be a next time.

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

Sunday 9 March 2014 10:02

Next time he tries to kill her, perhaps?

davincidasecond 24

Sunday 9 March 2014 19:46

Or unless they're fraternal twins?

SJParker 13

Sunday 9 March 2014 23:45

next time they're in the womb together, duh.

RenoTheRhino 30

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:40

Watch your back, OP. He's probably plotting your demise right now.

lux0rd 18

Sunday 9 March 2014 9:42

Was there supposed to be more to this insightful comment or are you just leaving the rest up to our imagination? *written when the whole comment was "C"