Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
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Top comments
Xquisite1 28
Mr.Krabs?
EffinToofer 3
I think people who bad grammar is are face.
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Comments (141)
bri5083 9
Damn, allergies are a bitch.
smooches722 6
Self tanners never work
badam_fml 6
Why did you do it to your self?
Squeaky_Tomato 14
I used to hate my ghost white legs (and whole body) as well. I've come to love it though. It's one of the major reasons I am a model
summerbreeze888 10
Have fun explaining that one ;D
123josie123 11
Ydi for trying to conform to society's view of beauty. I bet you were fine the way you were.
xgetxbentx 13
This is why you're supposed to test it in your foot.
SheepShoop_fml 20
Nothing beats some natural sunlight to give you some color. Just wear a little sunscreen! As someone who burns easily I don't get the appeal in tanning beds. No, I do not want to pay someone to burn me.
ihatecancer 0
A picture should be on with this. Jersey shore is overrated losers grow up!
OfficeNinja 5
Things I learned from reading FML. 1. Self tanning lotions never work. You either end up looking like an oompa-loompa (if you are short), a spiky haired douchebag (of your not short), or Dr. Zoidberg.