Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
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Top comments
EverettA 16
Take a picture of him when he's holding his crotch and say #circumcision_ftw
lowkeybelieber 7
He kind of ****** you with that post
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Comments (96)
pimpmilk69 18
I would have posted it as "the walk of shame"
barneyisawesome_fml 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You took that crap a bit too deep didn't you?
reklawelyk 15
FYL but I'm not gonna lie that's pretty funny at least he has a sense of humor
LoverWordsFood 27
Return the favor. Whenever he limps from a painful shit, video him and hash tag the same thing. That would be good payback plus some funny comments.
feven 32
This could go wrong in so many ways
Axel5238 29
Given his sense of humor though it would escalate fairly quickly. The bf is immature and would most likely wind up with more stuff getting posted to social media. Unless, you share his sense of humor get outta their that stupid stuff getting posted and you getting tagged is going to come up on jobs if they search you. Also, if you don't have the same sense of humor it's going to wear on your nerves after a while.
kuraifenshi 18
#PeggingFTW
suri23 11
He wishes.
Blue_Black_fml 21
That should be her comment on the post!
bingalingading 12
yeah I could understand why you're so butthurt about it.
ShadowGenius 12
Sounds like he's the real piece of shit..
hsbzjsnsos 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I have the opposite, it's slight diarrhea but I can control it. I can literally crap on command
needagoodlaugh 34
And that helps the op how?
fakedsincerity 32
Anal done with care and respect for the other person wouldn't cause them to walk funny anyway. Poor guy has spent too much time watching bad ****. Ooopsy. Also, I hope your poops are less painful soon OP. (:
ChibiChick25 8
This is the first time I have ever seen the word 'anal' and 'care and respect' in the same sentence.
fakedsincerity 32
That's a shame. Anal can be amazing if your partner isn't an asshole who just shoves their dick in without proper foreplay.
MechanicKayla 18
.
travellingfun 18
In a few years time you will probably end up laughing about this moment.