Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML
Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML
Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EverettA 16
Take a picture of him when he's holding his crotch and say #circumcision_ftw
lowkeybelieber 7
He kind of ****** you with that post
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
GarysMom725 10
And you're still dating this unfeeling, insensitive idiot?
llalala_fml 19
He deserves to be in dumpsville
FMyLyricalAnus 11
Just because he posted that doesn't mean he has no feelings you fuckshit.
partypatty2219 5
I found the feminist
mcamilli 14
At least he did say that you were taking a crap!
ItsDutch 16
I don't think that's what "#anal ftw;)" translates to
Polynomial 28
Called him a crap.
LostInTheZone11 29
I hope he realizes that any sexy bedroom romance from you is now dead as the dodo after he was a total ass.
EarlFug 19
Psst guys -- if a woman is good to you, you should be nice to her rather than making her regret it.
amileah13 26
Kick him in the nuts and film him in agony with the title nut cracker :)
rdenkewicz 11
Or so he implied.
jbizzle1987 8
I long for the time when I have such an impressive poop that it effects the way I walk....I guess that's just the difference between men and women.
abstracto1236 15
Well, it's not like he's completely wrong.
hunterjumper88 8
I usually have a pretty good sense if humour, but I don't find this funny at all, I find it rude and disrespectful. If it were me it'd be my ex boyfriend.
Countryboy1996 18
What a tool bag. Hmu if you want a real man.