Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
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Top comments
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
It's ok OP. You obviously have a brain or else you wouldn't have been able to post this.
mollyjynxjax 28
The word she was looking for was pescatarian (the term for someone who eats fish meat but not any other kind of meat). So she was stupid to be arrogant in the first place, and doubly so for getting the term wrong.
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Comments (250)
skyeyez9 24
I guess shrimp are "plants" in your wife's mind. Or ugly creatures are allowed to be eaten vs cute ones.
tj4234 35
As an actual vegetarian, it really bugs me when people who eat fish call themselves vegetarian. That is not vegetarianism. That's a pescatarian, which is different. Vegetarians do not eat any animals. Most vegetarians are ovo-lacto vegetarians (they eat eggs and drink milk), but that is it. That's the key difference between vegetarianism, veganism and fruitarianism. Vegetarian - no meat. Vegan - no meat or anything made from animal products Fruitarian - same as veganism, but the plant has to survive being harvested so that it can grow back (for example, they might eat only seeds or something). Anything else, is not one of those three.
rec_chem 22
She's right.
tj4234 35
really? Funny that, because me and every other vegetarian in this comment section appears to disagree with her...
rec_chem 22
It's a vegetarian restaurant, not a vegan restaurant. How is she wrong?
B1ackthesun 31
Read the FML again. A vegetarian FRIENDLY restaurant is very different to a vegetarian restaurant. And she is totally wrong, try googling pescitarian. Or as #203 pointed out read the other comments.
Sprezlaus 9
Funny comments... You can't adjust a definition to your own likings. As said many times by others: vegetarians don't eat animals AND a shrimp certainly is an animal. Reminds me a bit of the (weird) idea that oral sex doesn't count as sex.
Cathrin 26
She could be a pescetarian(no meat except for seafood), and just identifies as vegetarian because that's what everyone understands. IIRC, Kari Byron is the same way. Of course, if she's not aware of the difference, you might want to explain it to her.
diaspora_fml 26
One of them is a mammal. Even Catholics see this distinction in their concept of "meatless" days. Even Catholics still do not call these days "vegetarian" ones, though.
Xikira 7
the pescatarian for example will only eat fish and won't touch any other type of animal. Then you have the lacto-ovo-vegetarians the do not eat animals but they do eat eggs and dairy products. Then there is the vegan thru don't eat animals dairy eggs. There are other types but I have no more room
andrewturtle 16
It looks like your teacher isn't the only idiot.
revois 9
Pescetarian. Spelled something like that. Not vegetarian.