Holidays: Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 11

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 746

02/04/2016 17:48

Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 420

You deserved it 3 257

Sorry…

Laundry drama

Fundies say the darndest things

04/10/2012 06:20

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 610

You deserved it 2 765

Nice place

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 15:01

Today, I experienced the perfect romantic moment as I was sitting on a hill on the beach overlooking the sunset, cuddling my girlfriend. It was abruptly ruined. How? A rat ran past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 168

24/05/2019 06:14

Today, I worked a long shift at my job while feeling like crap, anticipating getting a promotion. As my boss was leaving work, he informed me that because I also go to college, the promotion was being given to another employee that I trained a month ago. This is the second time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 171

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

By Ouch - 26/10/2019 22:00

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 167

09/07/2012 21:06

Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 084

You deserved it 61 026

11/02/2013 19:19

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 7 951

12/05/2017 00:00

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 482

22/12/2014 06:25

Today, since it's company policy, I had to go to the back of my small store to retrieve an item for a customer, even though I was working by myself. I came back to find that since she couldn't get into the cash register, she found and stole my purse instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 333

You deserved it 3 412

23/06/2009 11:31

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 118

You deserved it 4 489

06/02/2010 01:20

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 154

You deserved it 2 910

26/04/2013 03:01

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 052

You deserved it 3 235

27/01/2009 11:22

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 243

You deserved it 28 209

28/03/2011 18:48

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 288

You deserved it 5 597

Trust

By CoA - 06/09/2016 11:40

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 025

You deserved it 2 847

24/11/2010 13:18

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 40 992

03/02/2010 13:57

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 092

You deserved it 5 677

Smash the patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 14:00

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 428

19/09/2013 12:54

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 044

You deserved it 4 008

14/10/2012 17:03

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 683

You deserved it 8 634

13/11/2018 03:00

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 183

You deserved it 381

25/11/2011 17:17

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 816

You deserved it 7 975

13/09/2011 21:40

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 900

You deserved it 6 635

03/03/2010 13:21

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 162

You deserved it 6 923

15/03/2011 19:29

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 12 715

22/11/2010 19:52

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 10 853

21/07/2015 17:50

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 8 246

05/12/2018 21:00

Spicy

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 560

You deserved it 400

04/08/2015 13:31

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 757

You deserved it 15 870

12/03/2010 20:53

Today, I discovered my step mom had thrown out my baby blanket because it was an "eyesore". It was an heirloom from my birth mother and the only thing I have left from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 541

You deserved it 2 455

12/12/2013 11:27

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 589

You deserved it 6 084

19/08/2014 04:11

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 988

You deserved it 8 920

28/10/2013 00:41

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 530

You deserved it 4 605

Defeated

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 23:08

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 032

You deserved it 5 425

02/11/2010 17:43

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 386

You deserved it 7 628

23/04/2009 11:42

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 328

You deserved it 93 543

29/11/2011 05:45

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 203

You deserved it 2 849

05/11/2015 21:34

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 896

You deserved it 1 957

01/08/2009 08:15

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 353

You deserved it 10 825

01/01/2013 06:12

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 237

You deserved it 3 587

03/09/2012 09:45

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 656

You deserved it 5 687

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:53

What the fuck

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:56

He...did what? Ok, I never understood why people feel the need to drink themselves into oblivion and to lose control of their rational mind. They are both at fault for doing such an inappropriate thing! I'm sorry for you and for your mother. To be clear, I don't condemn this because they are both men, but because it's a stupid think to do.

Comments

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:53

What the fuck

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:49

I think OP wants to steal your username

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Sunday 3 April 2016 14:35

I think we all do ._.

Esb22 9

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Sunday 3 April 2016 16:10

best comment I've read all day^

musicallights 2

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Sunday 3 April 2016 19:46

That's exactly what I said when I finished reading that FML.

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Saturday 24 December 2016 1:21

My words exactly

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:55

How does this even happen? I understand doing semi stupid shit while drunk...but just completely losing your fucking mind? What the hell was he drinking? And was your dad a willing participant or was he just as horrified as you must have been?

InfiniteSunshine 32

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Sunday 3 April 2016 16:38

From the wording of the FML, I think the dad was a participant because it says "he made out with my dad." Instead of "he tried to make out with my dad." That's how I see it anyway, I could be wrong though.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 17:44

"We all got really drunk" so I assume dad was drunk and a willing participant too. Gender isn't an issue, but there are so many other issues here that make this beyond wrong...

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:56

He...did what? Ok, I never understood why people feel the need to drink themselves into oblivion and to lose control of their rational mind. They are both at fault for doing such an inappropriate thing! I'm sorry for you and for your mother. To be clear, I don't condemn this because they are both men, but because it's a stupid think to do.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 23:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

saxaddict122 14

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Monday 4 April 2016 3:12

It was an incredibly dumb think to do. What were they thinging?

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Tuesday 5 April 2016 2:09

What study/research did you get your info from? Myself and others know their limit and when to stop. I could never allow myself to get that drunk.

PhinIt2WinIt 24

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Tuesday 5 April 2016 2:21

alcohol affects decision making, which is apparently not strong enough with the OP's boyfriend and dad.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:57

did both your boyfriend and your dad realise at the time, they'd actually make out, I mean thats out of the fucking blue even when your drunk.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 11:58

What the hell!!!

lexos 16

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:07

How was breakfast the next morning?

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:17

For once I have nothing to say. Drunk or not WHAT??????! Being drunk doesn't dampens your senses..it doesn't necessary change your sex orientation. Time to get some answers.

no_playa_hater 14

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:51

From the wording of the FML you can't possibly guess whether or not the boyfriend or the dad showed a change of sexual orientation while they were drunk.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 14:38

They could both by bi or pansexual, in which case OP should wait until either or is comfortable with talking about it. Besides, sounds like OP's got bigger problems.

sweetpotato301 7

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Sunday 3 April 2016 18:38

7: bisexuality exists.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Sunday 3 April 2016 20:42

Drunkeness lowers your inhibitions and can make you do some pretty stupid shit, however your sexuality does usually sty the same so the boyfriend and the dad have to have been open to pansexuality or Bisexuality to have made out.

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Tuesday 28 June 2016 16:19

and yet you needed to say like 28 words...

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:19

holy shit that's gross. not that he made out with a dude, but your dad of all people. are you guys still together bc that might be too awkward to keep seeing him.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 19:32

Yeah it's awkward but to throw away a relationship of 2 years over something that happened while two people were blacked out drunk without talking about it. That's really harsh, and a bit over dramatic.

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Monday 4 April 2016 2:01

I'd think it would be pretty impossible to go back to normal after seeing your boyfriend make out with your dad. Yuck.

DaniealThePope 18

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:20

Next time, water down the spirits.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:34

Sorry to break it to you, hut it takes TWO people to make out.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 12:42

*but*

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Sunday 3 April 2016 13:02

I hate when people corrects someone over simple mistakes. Auto correct isn't always affective so don't act like you or your computer has never made a mistake.

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Sunday 3 April 2016 13:06

He corrected his own mistake

fakedsincerity 32

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Sunday 3 April 2016 13:52

*effective I had to, I'm sorry. (also the commenter corrected their own mistake so take a chill pill).

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Sunday 3 April 2016 16:17

"People correct" or "a person corrects" x]