Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML
Today, I eagerly jumped into a pile of leaves, only to discover via the stench that the neighborhood cats have obviously been using it as their makeshift litter box. FML
Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML
Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
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Top comments
team_cookies 11
I bet that's a pain in the ass
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
always. bring. toilet. paper.
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Comments (107)
Crystal55621 19
You should've thought about bringing napkins or something before you just decided to squat and drop some timber.
km13_fml 3
Nettles!! Ouch. Next time avoid hairy looking leaves that have tiny points on the edges and white flowers.
km13_fml 3
And stuff with white spots. Learned those both the hard way too!
woiz 11
revenge of the woods !!!
avapaige1234 19
That's what toilet papers are for
1217jonathan 15
Everybody keeps saying guy.....it was a girl lol
drizzy11 18
Lol sorry OP! Hey, when I was in 7th grade, their was a big kid who went camping and he was touching poison ivy unaware, then he took a piss. He didn't come back to school because he had poison ivy on his dick. Holy shit lol
girlbye23 15
Thats what you get for using unidentified leaves.
greggly123 6
That's horrible! You should have used your underwear and then went commando the rest of the day
Bigfabthetruth52 22
Common sense should come into play here.
ShitBall45 1
i shit in the woods all the time. im a redneck so...yeah