Miscellaneous: Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving...

By apparentlyunsexy - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32117

You deserved it

3942

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Proactive

Vulture

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By awkwardencounters - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24198

You deserved it

49196

Favorite

By do your own ironing

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45726

You deserved it

5534

Favorite

By luroluro - United States

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30332

You deserved it

3130

Favorite

By Orangehead - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30238

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

By peeved - United States

Today, I was forced to attend a fire safety class, as required by my job. Last year, I completed the fire academy as a volunteer fireman. The class was not only insulting, but wrong in many ways. I got kicked out for pointing them out. I now have to take it again, or be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30369

You deserved it

5837

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 23:00

Slip of the tongue

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By Anonymous

Waste moment

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

945

You deserved it

1202

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15845

You deserved it

86229

Favorite

By - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3543

You deserved it

397

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37877

You deserved it

10331

Favorite

By Broeman - United States

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44911

You deserved it

4315

Favorite

By Isitreallythatbad, - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41430

You deserved it

3631

Favorite

By kennarama - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29507

You deserved it

2529

Favorite

By NaCl - United States - Duluth

Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49570

You deserved it

4041

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32523

You deserved it

3746

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Smooth sailing

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

981

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By Alexismaria - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at the exact moment my uncle decided to bend over in short shorts. Apparently, his ballsack decided it needed extra room, because it dangled out of his pant leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39689

You deserved it

3257

Favorite

By LynzG

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32736

You deserved it

4011

Favorite

By I_dislike_Twilight - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39299

You deserved it

4686

Favorite

By perfectmoment - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33454

You deserved it

5968

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48551

You deserved it

4079

Favorite

By sarahwittman - United States

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50224

You deserved it

4884

Favorite

By little tooth - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32823

You deserved it

9325

Favorite

By Theguyinthedark - Bangladesh

Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13004

You deserved it

1118

Favorite

By NoMoney4Me - United States - York

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26680

You deserved it

3948

Favorite

#LurkerForLife

Today, I realized that my social life is so dead the only thing I do that involves other people is read FML. I don't even participate in the comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4675

You deserved it

1064

Favorite

By fruitoftheloom - United States - Scottsdale

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37806

You deserved it

7282

Favorite

By Cpm - Canada

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40412

You deserved it

5061

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33843

You deserved it

2897

Favorite

By FUCK GOD - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36007

You deserved it

4824

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33902

You deserved it

2750

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1280

You deserved it

368

Favorite

By *cough* *cough* you're a dickface - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27180

You deserved it

1932

Favorite

By Don’t Think About It.

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1341

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I woke up to the smell of bacon. It smelled so good, and made me very hungry. Then I realized it was my neighbor cooking. I have no money or bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31179

You deserved it

4144

Favorite

By Ilikeurfmls - 6/9/2020 05:05

Delusions

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my parents I think I'm suffering from schizophrenia. They refused to discuss it after telling me, "It's all in my head." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1503

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By DrunkenMum

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29537

You deserved it

4679

Favorite

By homework - India

Today, whilst cleaning out his desk, my dad "accidentally" threw away my summer homework. That's 100 pages, over a duration of 2 months. School starts in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56737

You deserved it

6323

Favorite

By grabber - United States

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44224

You deserved it

10955

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By thedhanjal | 10

#3498116 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:14

Maybe they ran out of characters and gave you the one that fits you?

By babelini | 12

#3498459 - Thursday 27 October 2011 13:32

Isn't it birthday SUIT?

COMMENTS

By thedhanjal | 10

#3498116 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:14

Maybe they ran out of characters and gave you the one that fits you?

gntfmlingnow | 12

#3498249 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:35

Or she's like Mother Teresa's corpse..,

dre_bro11 | 12

#3498549 - Thursday 27 October 2011 13:59

Prove them wrong OP!

You_Need_Soap | 6

#3498558 - Thursday 27 October 2011 14:01

I am Mother Teresa and I approve this message.

theTrollGuy | 7

#3498571 - Thursday 27 October 2011 14:05

I gave you what was best fit for you... and a bit trolling for me. U mad?

superficialheart | 11

#3498599 - Thursday 27 October 2011 14:15

Sew mad?

FarSide | 22

#3498628 - Thursday 27 October 2011 14:32

It's all part of showbiz...

evamusical | 12

#3499924 - Thursday 27 October 2011 20:30

Yes indeed, if you're a dancer being extremely sexy is important in a lot of choreograpics!

Melvar_10 | 3

#3500203 - Thursday 27 October 2011 21:49

You're sexy and you know it.....

conan13_fml | 0

#3501645 - Friday 28 October 2011 3:43

Or, you don't act like your hot and sexy and are more reserved, so he is having u be sexy...

DoubleDose | 0

#3506159 - Saturday 29 October 2011 0:17

Clap your hands

By saIty | 17

#3498139 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:17

Just strut in your birthday loose, and let everything hang loose.

crazykidd15 | 0

#3498221 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:26

lulz

babelini | 12

#3498459 - Thursday 27 October 2011 13:32

Isn't it birthday SUIT?

fluorescentadole_fml | 8

#3498852 - Thursday 27 October 2011 15:55

lol! dumbass Bruno mars fans

saIty | 17

#3500022 - Thursday 27 October 2011 20:54

Oh penguins. I didn't even realize that. I hate when I'm thinking ahead when I'm typing/writing.

BlondeBubbles | 6

#3500795 - Friday 28 October 2011 0:11

stupid ass

saIty | 17

#3501368 - Friday 28 October 2011 2:13

Wow 56 way to make fun of my Donkey or my butt. Go play in traffic, chicken fart.

jcg3456 | 16

#6223609 - Friday 6 March 2015 21:06

I like this.

By Savra_fml | 17

#3498143 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:18

Try to prove the instructor wrong then.

By emag_eht | 18

#3498175 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:21

Sexy, beautiful, and cute aren't the same exact thing. The all refer to having a good appearance, but if you're not sexy then maybe you're just cute?

babyyappld | 7

#3498310 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:49

perhaps OP is very shy and self-conscious. the dance instructor probably wanted to come out of her shell

zombicidal | 11

#3498573 - Thursday 27 October 2011 14:06

no boner slaying is the opposite of extremely sexy

ohSNAPyall | 26

#3499915 - Thursday 27 October 2011 20:29

I think "hideous" is a better antonym for "beautiful."

How about "repulsive"?
"Dick-wilting"?
"Nipple-deflating"?

By whited666 | 0

#3498190 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:23

They were just hitting on you, haha, dint worry! It's like a kindergartener when he picks on a girl, it means he likes you xD

By TylerOMFG | 7

#3498204 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:24

Lol at OP's name. But, I'm sure you are beautiful. Just prove them wrong

By Buttsexpirate | 9

#3498206 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:25

Get down with your bad self girl! Show them what you workin with!

By NEEPLES | 7

#3498212 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:25

Well if you're actually going to be an actor you're going to have to know how to play every part. Go get em tiger.

By booiloveeyou | 0

#3498230 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:31

they are probably just jelous ;)

By noel_ani | 0

#3498241 - Thursday 27 October 2011 12:33

It's okay. I have trouble being "sexy" in dance class too! It doesn't mean you're unsexy outside of the studio. We all have our ways that we like to dance(:

jizzwold | 21

#3498861 - Thursday 27 October 2011 15:56

I disagree with your second sentence.