Love: Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been... - FML

By batgirlrules881 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

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Walk on the wild side

Season finale

One-sided

By EmbarrassedMess - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

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By spleechick - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

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By .... - United States - Modesto

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

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By could be an fml commenter - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

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By Cheesey_Dorito

Today, it has been 57 hours since I have last had food. The fridge is empty. The freezer is empty. The pantry is empty. Even my bank account is empty because my pay has been delayed. Again. FML

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By popasquat

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

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By Yudith

Today, at work, a customer pulled down her pants and lifted her sweater to reveal a hole in her chest full of greenish, stinky goo. I don't work in anything health-related. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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By AkaiKitsune

The Trifecta

Today, after blacking out from fever, I found out that the reason I've been feeling so sick is that I've somehow come down with pneumonia, strep, and the common cold all at the same time. FML

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By Annoyed

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

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By Anonymous - Nepal

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

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By sadex

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

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By weliveanddie14 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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By purple - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By Indigo_Kitten - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

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By reconnect - United States

Today, Facebook told me I should reconnect with my husband. FML

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By poppet2010 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mountain Home

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

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By Delilah - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

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By Stairway2Heaven - Canada

Judgmental much!?

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

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By jaeilssanguh - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

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By alissa_roar - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me I was being too obsessive. This is the guy who has gone through my phone two separate times and deleted all of my male contacts. FML

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By college kid - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

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By siannacasey - United States

Today, I left my bedroom window open to let in some fresh air while I slept. A skunk got in and sprayed my room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cortlandt Manor

Today, I brought my best painting yet to college. I showed it off and everyone loved it. Or almost everyone. When we came back from lunch break, we found someone had sharpied the words "JIZZ BUTT" all over it. That painting took two weeks to finish. FML

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By always-the-responsible-one - Canada

Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

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By fmT719 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

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By lion2294 - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

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By buttpain

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

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By Hoggiebear - United States

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Facebook political debates

Today, I found out that my father uses, "You eat poo for breakfast!" as a comeback during political arguments on Facebook. He’s 60. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, the maintenance man for my apartment “fixed” my toilet from constantly running. Now it won’t flush. I learned this after I took a huge dump. My boyfriend was over to spend the night. FML

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Top comments

By Kristin_x | 0

#659510 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:01

all i have to say is...what an asshole.
cheaters don't deserve boyfriends/girlfriends

By velvel | 7

#659472 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:50

oh wow. o_o what a gem!

COMMENTS

By velvel | 7

#659472 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:50

oh wow. o_o what a gem!

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#659622 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:49

AHAHAH

That guys got wit

YD

O and im second!!!! win +2

Reply

xCrackerx | 3

#659637 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:56

No you aren't. You're sixteenth.

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#659916 - Sunday 8 November 2009 0:28

^win +3

Reply

pinky2 | 0

#660259 - Sunday 8 November 2009 4:44

OP
your boyfriend WINS

Reply

NeonBlue | 0

#993871 - Saturday 15 May 2010 6:29

He's a keeper

By dabeachbum | 0

#659478 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#659814 - Saturday 7 November 2009 23:20

omg I'm not! /cry

By delfinofrank | 0

#659488 - Saturday 7 November 2009 19:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

cre8or99 | 0

#2786163 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:21



Reply

D3ATHZ3RO | 15

#5476879 - Friday 3 May 2013 18:08

Go fuck yourself, will you?

By xstephylambx | 0

#659509 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:01

What an ass. Why not just break up with you?

By Kristin_x | 0

#659510 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:01

all i have to say is...what an asshole.
cheaters don't deserve boyfriends/girlfriends

Reply

smile_meh_love | 0

#2653787 - Friday 10 June 2011 10:10

agree

By perdix | 29

#659518 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:04

Ouch, nice parting shot. He's saying, "You're stupit!" (misspelled for effect).

Not nice, but still better than, "Why do you think you didn't deserve it?"

By nomadxx7 | 0

#659523 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:05

Hell OP, just sleep with one ofhis good looking friends. Nothing like a good mindf*ck and then you can say, "Man I see what you mean. It didn't take me anytime to sleep around on you either. Later sucka." Plus ball tag him on the way out. Cheater BFs/GFs need to be alone and die alone. Nothing shows lack of commitment and morals than someone unwilling to talk to their SO and yet will sleep with anything.

Reply

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7593353 - Thursday 1 February 2018 3:46

Why would she play with the asshole's innocent friend's feelings... that's just mean

By Lord_of_Metal | 0

#659551 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:16

Drop that motherfucker. You deserve better.

By BlowYaMind | 0

#659553 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:16

"Holy Santa Claus Shit!" (Step Brothers).
Well... if...you....are....sloowwww....
:]

By Xellith | 5

#659577 - Saturday 7 November 2009 20:26

want me to stab him?