Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML
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Top comments
6daysoverdue 0
HOT
24788 7
Cook and lingerine?! Those two words together in the same sentence? He had it made until then. Now all he'll be seeing is the dark walls of his doghouse. FHL
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Comments (133)
Eelusive 0
I hope that thing is lasered smooth if it's gonna be near the food. But good for you for trying to be sexy.
dickgriffiths 0
i burnt my boobs on hot water a while ago...i feel your pain. and bras hurt like hell. good luck
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
boredworker likes to talk in third person, and it's starting to irk Susan. OP: Uhm. That was smaaaaaaart. oh, and guys ;; aprons wouldn't help much. liquids can burn through clothes..
EffYoLife 14
what a dumbass! who scares someone while theyre cooking?! thats dangerous
ehon82 3
FYL Dump the ******, I would never scare a woman in lingerie cooking for me.
nick17 0
Ahahaha
p00p0ster0us 0
And I'll bet he thought it'd be hilarious, right up until the noise was coming out of his mouth...and while he was saying "AAAAAHHHH" or "BOOOOO" he was thinking "Oh SHIT THIS IS GOING TO GO ALL WRONG IN ABOUT 0.2 SECONDS"
intotheblue 0
Oh snap that sucks... Reminds me of the scene in Mrs Doubtfire, but I'm sure it's a lot less amusing IRL.
VersusFML 0
MOTHER!!! MOTHER!!! *sigh* First day as a woman, and I'm already getting hot flashes. ROFL
VersusFML 0
Mmmm. I hope your boyfriend likes Deep-Fried Silicon.
fallenarchangel 0
You must have looked hot