Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML
Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML
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Top comments
6daysoverdue 0
HOT
24788 7
Cook and lingerine?! Those two words together in the same sentence? He had it made until then. Now all he'll be seeing is the dark walls of his doghouse. FHL
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Comments (133)
Rach_star 0
I lol'd
drmike_fml 0
you don't boil oil you boil water. but still this sucks :/
gromble 0
Oil is a liquid. Any liquid can be boiled, not just water, dumbass. Boiling is defined as "rapid vaporization of a liquid". Water isn't the only liquid substance on the planet.
tacoman007 2
#117, mister science didn't seem to notice that it's "evaporation" not "vaporization". Normally I wouldn't comment on what seems to be a typo, but not only were you not even close, you ****** up in the process of attempting to call someone a dumb ass. Dumb ass.
hassenpfeffermmm 0
That doesn't sound like human instinct at all. Jump from one danger into a worse one? Or does it? Kinda like jumping off a cliff to get away from someone.
grimmfang0810 1
FYL...how dare he burn the boobies....
helmet786 4
das gross why the hell would u cook in yo undies
udontknome 0
THAT MADE MY DAY! LOL but seriously... Fml op
RANANIGA 0
mmmmm...fried boobs
deadbabyjesus 2
that will leave a sexy scar. I bet it hurt like hell.
dawhitekid15 0
Epic WIN