Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML
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Top comments
aloring 14
If I feel something on my butt I usually stand back up and look at it. Sure it could have been imagination but better safe than sorry..
DocBastard 40
Now we know that cockroaches can survive a nuclear war AND the smell of your ass.
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Comments (129)
buckdharma 38
Some people go there to sit and think, but you go there to twitch and blink.
Sarow_96 13
YUCK !!!!! THATS NASTY :S
CallmeRyuzaki 0
Cockroaches will inherit the earth. They are going to be around long after we are gone.
livi955 4
Time to call a exterminator....
buckdharma 38
AHHH, They're giant butt munchers
tsent8 15
They are gonna need all of their anti-nuclear skills to survive in YOUR toilet.
dpfox 2
The next time you poop, little baby cockroaches will be crawling out of your bunghole.
mackdeezy 22
Gross! Hopefully you dont have an allergy like i do, that would be adding injury to insult.
ami200485 14
That's a sign check the seat before u sit down
doodlecloud 27
I think the big question is - where were you pooping? If it was a public/work toilet, FYL, but if it was you home toilet....ewww and YDI for not dealing with the roaches before it got this bad...
luluq8 9
it was at a camp I worked at