By ThatsIncentive - United States - Granite Bay Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML I agree, your life sucks 6884 You deserved it 1113 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohdear. - United Kingdom - London Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML I agree, your life sucks 41874 You deserved it 4725 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By but why Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML I agree, your life sucks 2460 You deserved it 349 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML I agree, your life sucks 48576 You deserved it 6369 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 5/4/2020 08:00 Tonight, on Idiots in Cars… Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 1598 You deserved it 126 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By maxthomkell - United States Today, my AP government teacher moved our seats and of course, I was seated next to my ex who has harassed me ever since our breakup. When I asked the teacher after class if I could please have a seat change, she told me I would have to write a 3-page essay on why I made the request. FML I agree, your life sucks 12469 You deserved it 968 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alsayslegit - United States Today, I was at a party, and I sat down on a chair. While conversing with friends, I shifted places on the chair, and broke it. Embarrassed, I then stood up and change chairs. After moving to the next chair, I broke that one too. FML I agree, your life sucks 58118 You deserved it 21439 223 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML I agree, your life sucks 23114 You deserved it 2719 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Laviolette - France Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML I agree, your life sucks 12173 You deserved it 39722 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous.. - United States Today, my mom told me I was conceived on Halloween. She thought it would be funny to say "Let's just say your dad was not wearing his ghost costume." She then winked. I am now scarred for life. FML I agree, your life sucks 30969 You deserved it 4428 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sasquatch21 - Bahrain Today, I realized that my husband has a video games addiction. I am currently pregnant; he brought us to the same country he's in so we can finally live together, only for me to witness him being glued to his laptop all day and all night playing WoW. He's forgotten I even existed. FML I agree, your life sucks 31511 You deserved it 5874 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imafunguy - United States Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML I agree, your life sucks 32798 You deserved it 3066 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By defrauded - United Kingdom - Oban Today, I bought a textbook for my college class. Not only is the £150 book only sold by our teacher, it turned out to be a piece of shit that he obviously wrote, printed, and stapled together at home. When I went to the faculty about it, I was told it's all perfectly legal, and to drop it. FML I agree, your life sucks 36701 You deserved it 3045 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By top dog! - Australia Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML I agree, your life sucks 40390 You deserved it 2923 174 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KitCatAttack - 11/10/2020 10:06 Hit and miss Today, I told my close friend that I have a thing for him. His reaction? "Oh, fuck." FML I agree, your life sucks 947 You deserved it 137 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Phoenixville Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML I agree, your life sucks 14504 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1328 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fatandsad - United States Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML I agree, your life sucks 27005 You deserved it 9948 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML I agree, your life sucks 40525 You deserved it 4406 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By InNeedOfFriends - United States Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML I agree, your life sucks 38356 You deserved it 19708 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 17:01 Boozehounds Today, my fiancé refused to talk to me because I'm "an alcoholic". I only started drinking like this after we moved in together and he brought me alcohol every day, because he's an alcoholic. FML I agree, your life sucks 619 You deserved it 290 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML I agree, your life sucks 25402 You deserved it 5939 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Richmond Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 8454 You deserved it 63064 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EpicFailAtItsFinest - United States Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 49359 You deserved it 19447 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML I agree, your life sucks 27043 You deserved it 2485 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United Kingdom Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML I agree, your life sucks 83976 You deserved it 4912 263 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By UghDude - United States - Austin Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 42139 You deserved it 3259 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mystery - United States - Minot Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML I agree, your life sucks 70438 You deserved it 5866 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By assassinmaster Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML I agree, your life sucks 5795 You deserved it 415 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sexaddict - France Today, it's been 2 weeks since I lost my virginity and I've already had sex with 3 guys. I think I'm a nympho. FML I agree, your life sucks 13949 You deserved it 80851 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shaunaaa - Australia Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML I agree, your life sucks 34245 You deserved it 5318 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mylifereallyISeffed - Australia Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML I agree, your life sucks 79259 You deserved it 4026 294 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -__- - Greece - Athens Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering "you want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML I agree, your life sucks 38867 You deserved it 5720 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML I agree, your life sucks 26989 You deserved it 52356 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML I agree, your life sucks 11920 You deserved it 59817 279 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 42668 You deserved it 6466 255 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML I agree, your life sucks 40743 You deserved it 4047 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phobic_fml Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 1440 You deserved it 826 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FabFor87 - United Kingdom - Stockport Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML I agree, your life sucks 6615 You deserved it 508 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arekusa - United States Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML I agree, your life sucks 33243 You deserved it 3463 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zoogangcapk Double Impact Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 509 You deserved it 9697 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Orlando Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML I agree, your life sucks 40901 You deserved it 28782 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mudge | 11 #6725536 - Wednesday 21 December 2016 15:08 and to think that it was sitting in your ear all that time Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By utrax | 23 #6724801 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:03 It'd be nice of you if you put it in your ear and let it live there. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By chirstinap325 | 21 #6724800 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:03 I believe this happens quite often. I did the same just a couple weeks ago with a wolf spider, scared the bejesus out of me. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply Devolution | 8 #6724810 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:19 I'm curious as to how a wolf spider looks remotely like anything that needs to be retrieved from the ground Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply chirstinap325 | 21 #6724811 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:21 Well, it was dark, had just woken up, and a smaller wolf spider :) Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By utrax | 23 #6724801 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:03 It'd be nice of you if you put it in your ear and let it live there. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Zarniclopsindorf | 24 #6724802 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:04 I don't see why it couldn't also be an earring. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By GhostFox | 33 #6724808 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:13 So... Did you scream? If so, how loudly and was it more "blood curdling" or more "girly shrieking"? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By c420racer | 13 #6724809 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 3:16 Isn't it a little too far past Halloween to think you mistakenly dropped one of your spider earrings? Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By snazz23 | 20 #6724829 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 4:27 I feel like stooped was supposed to be stopped....but I kinda like stooped better! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply Cali | 54 #6724850 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:21 Stoop = to bend over/down, to lower oneself. It works! Send a private message Reply
By cootiequeen4444 | 11 #6724869 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:57 that's incentive... to never wear earrings again. and to burn all your old earrings as well as the hand that picked up the spider. who needs two hands anyways? one is good enough...ish. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By cootiequeen4444 | 11 #6724870 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:59 Wait. WAIT. Came up with a better one. That's incentive... to get a vision exam at the optimologists. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Hunter41 | 7 #6724893 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 7:19 That bites. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By bulletsinthewind | 21 #6724903 - Tuesday 20 December 2016 7:46 I would've probably burned the house down Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, my boyfriend is once again mad at me because I refused to have shower sex with him. I’m too embarrassed to explain to him that ever since I could... I agree, your life sucks 155 You deserved it 47 4 Comments
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