Kids: Today, I tried to give a four-year-old I was working with a high-five...

By band13geek - 15/12/2016 01:59

Today, I tried to give a four-year-old I was working with a high-five for finishing his math worksheet. He high-fived me with the pencil. And I don't mean the eraser side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 195

You deserved it 623

band13geek tells us more.

band13geek 16

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Friday 23 December 2016 20:48

OP here. The child was holding the pencil when I asked for the high five and *might* have not realized what he had done, but he isn't one to follow the rules, which I enforce more so than some of the other teachers, so he could have done it on purpose. I'm not really sure. All I know is that it hurt! But at least he should know now to not stab people.

Kids

Commando

Thanks for the support

Just a prank, bro

By unloved - 17/04/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 730

By underemployed - 08/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I found out my no-work-experience brother has just accepted a 50k/year job. He is still in school and has never had a job. I work as an intern for 11 hours a day, get rude emails from my boss, and have 3 degrees and 5 years work experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 622

You deserved it 4 895

By thenegatives - 09/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 4 307

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 85

By fuck you right back, cockspit - 14/02/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 580

You deserved it 8 307

By ColdFoot - 03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 2 721

By OakStake - 08/12/2013 22:07 - United States - New York

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 201

You deserved it 3 407

By Anonymous - 10/09/2015 01:15 - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 425

You deserved it 2 589

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 266

You deserved it 3 668

Not the nuggets!

By Anon - 27/06/2018 20:30

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 804

You deserved it 472

Get vaccinated, you doofuses

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 08:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came into town for the weekend. A proof of vaccination card to enter non-essential businesses also started. My dear boyfriend refuses to sign up for the card. Guess our nights out will be grocery shopping and him waiting outside while I shop anywhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 295

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 12:27 - United States - New York

Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 424

You deserved it 1 853

By anonymous - 15/08/2016 03:06 - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 264

You deserved it 1 287

By Apparentlycreepy - 03/03/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 524

You deserved it 6 609

By Alice - 01/08/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 354

You deserved it 10 825

By itchyyet - 03/01/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 679

You deserved it 1 494

By Poopalipa - 08/01/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 808

You deserved it 3 278

By disgusted - 13/12/2015 07:45 - United States - Logan

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 844

You deserved it 3 290

Overreaching

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 326

Anyway, here's Wonderwall

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 350

You deserved it 80 301

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 16:36 - Finland - Vammala

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 891

You deserved it 2 340

By khannnn - 20/03/2016 18:25 - United States

Today, looking to hire new tech support members, but due to not looking over any resumés, my ex-wife is now one of our potential candidates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 024

You deserved it 7 423

By college will be fun they said - 15/09/2017 19:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was running late to class and slipped down a staircase. Not only did nobody help me, but when I got up I noticed an old man staring at my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 550

You deserved it 406

By Unhappymothersday - 17/05/2012 20:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 448

You deserved it 2 151

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 2 322

By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 187

By skyphoenix - 12/08/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 177

You deserved it 4 513

By secret meat - 21/06/2014 02:04 - United States - Framingham

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 827

You deserved it 9 797

By WastedTime - 07/08/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 681

You deserved it 5 706

By notgettingany - 24/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 660

You deserved it 4 997

Issues

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 04:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me I’m clearly turning into my mother. I turned round to have a go at him when I stopped, thought about it, and realised he’s completely right. I’m just like her. Now I’m so depressed, I don’t know if I want booze, a relaxing bath or a really long, ugly crying session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 380

By Rebecca - 13/06/2012 23:50 - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 34 700

By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 172

You deserved it 50 968

By housedoctor - 22/02/2014 11:01 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 6 893

By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 430

You deserved it 12 578

By lizownsvirgy - 07/07/2011 19:49 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 090

You deserved it 5 440

By Username - 10/10/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 605

You deserved it 2 585

Gamers care

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 04:01

Today, I was interacting with someone on a video game, and the topic somehow got switched to mental illness. When I told him about my problems, he was very sympathetic and understanding. A complete stranger cares more about me than my actual family. I'm not sure if I should be happy or crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 96

By lovewedge - 09/03/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 896

You deserved it 23 490

By yamaha_313 - 11/08/2015 04:20 - United States - Wartburg

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 2 198

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Top comments

band13geek 16

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Friday 23 December 2016 20:48

band13geek 16

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Friday 23 December 2016 20:40

He was just holding it when I asked for the high five. I don't know if he forgot to put it down or if he just felt like stabbing me (which would make sense since he doesn't like me...)

caroline43872 24

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:02

why's this in the intimacy category?

swervelol 28

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:07

Maybe he high-fived her with his other "pencil"

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:08

Hey, I resemble that remark!

Jay18 22

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:16

y'all need to get off my boi rich

Cali 54

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:41

#1- Fixed it!

cootiequeen4444 11

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:51

I still see it marked as "intimacy"...

gracehi 31

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 7:24

I'd say OP got pretty intimate with the pencil.

pjsr 32

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 20:13

Kids do result from intimacy

TwinkleToes7 15

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:06

This is a great pointer to avoid in the future!

PencilTips 19

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:21

It's not the pencils fault, it's the person behind the pencil. Don't blame me for your misery, you'll survive OP.

pjsr 32

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:34

Point well taken, OP!

LAUGHINGKOMODO 25

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Tuesday 20 December 2016 5:37

Did he just like stab you with the pencil or did he puroosly put it between his fingers so that he can stab you while high fiving?

band13geek 16

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Friday 23 December 2016 20:40

He was just holding it when I asked for the high five. I don't know if he forgot to put it down or if he just felt like stabbing me (which would make sense since he doesn't like me...)