Miscellaneous: Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best...

By Vic - 11/07/2011 09:00 - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 233

You deserved it 4 006

Miscellaneous

You tried

Another great day to be alive

The Phoebe Technique

By xrebeccalou - 25/12/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 4 338

Bad women's anatomy

By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 3 476

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/05/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 823

You deserved it 3 211

This is war!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb's hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 24/07/2015 17:59 - Northern Mariana Islands - Saipan

Today, I was telling 3 classmates on Whatsapp about my depression. One of them told me to "nut up n grow a pear." Two hours after we mocked him for being an illiterate jackass, one of us has had our car tires knifed and another's house has been egged. I'm terrified of what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 716

You deserved it 5 308

By jobless - 10/04/2015 06:28 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 586

You deserved it 2 501

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 621

You deserved it 432

By IRum - 11/08/2011 08:45 - Russian Federation

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 046

You deserved it 5 455

Bad Day for a Good Boy

By Dakota - 28/09/2017 04:30

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 887

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 3 491

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 770

You deserved it 597

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 582

You deserved it 9 070

By stelssy - 26/01/2013 05:03 - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 195

You deserved it 12 923

By LCDhell - 14/11/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my husband bought a new 80-inch TV. Not only can we barely afford it, but it also blocks our doorways no matter where we put it. He refuses to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 268

You deserved it 4 010

By taxed - 02/02/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 949

You deserved it 4 925

By lisa - 22/12/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 440

You deserved it 51 619

By sweet - 26/03/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 228

You deserved it 5 415

By millavitsa - 03/01/2013 22:36 - Ukraine

Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 2 166

By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 104

You deserved it 6 880

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 17:10 - Japan - Koshigaya

Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 325

You deserved it 4 460

By Anon O'Mous - 02/01/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 5 677

By I stink - 18/12/2018 15:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 01:30

Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 759

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 03:22 - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 039

You deserved it 940

By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 874

You deserved it 15 193

By estallidos - 23/01/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 190

You deserved it 2 429

By Insane Guy - 21/12/2012 06:47 - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 265

You deserved it 7 836

By sudoku_fiend - 13/12/2015 04:40 - United States - Millville

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 637

You deserved it 5 790

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 19:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 146

By megean c.l. - 20/01/2013 21:36 - United States

Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 7 995

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 07:21 - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 03:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my sister put a piece of leather in my homemade beef jerkey to prove a point. I ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 1 349

By EpicFail - 04/02/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 688

You deserved it 15 874

By anon - 31/03/2016 01:09 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I went to 7-11, where the cashier asked me if I had the app to get rewards. She then looked at me and said, "Never mind, I can tell you don't." I guess I have no control over my resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 992

You deserved it 2 102

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 85

By klutz - 10/08/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 56 664

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 34 684

By E - 02/03/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 247

You deserved it 8 458

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain down stairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 447

You deserved it 847

By Anonymous - 27/03/2015 20:28 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 883

You deserved it 42 532

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Carebear423 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

bribearr 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

Carebear423 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

saaaalt 4

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:25

don't hate. Appreciate!

Zmeilerr 22

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:37

#1: That would be herpes.

mlb58 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:44

I'm generous, anyone want the gift that keeps on giving?

jglenn88 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:51

give it back to her in 9 months.

shannonreneee 11

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

On the bright side you must of liked it to give it to her. So you got a "nice" gift.

sxe_beast 11

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

@Erm, do you mean 10 months?! 9+2=11!?!?!!?

changetheworld 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:41

Haha, next year make a move on her.

soccersgr8 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:57

give it to her for her next birthday...

zendaddy0 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 19:27

keep trading it off on each others birthday it could be a tradition

heyguysitsjosh 8

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Monday 11 July 2011 20:48

#1 is right. OP give it back to her on her birthday

iluvhobos 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:15

Uh oh...she's a re-gifter!

barmeywashere 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:42

NO way.. We clearly didn't understand that until you posted this comment... -_-

mlb58 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:46

Asshole^

SOD_sonofdixie 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:48

you gotta slap a bitch... keep the pimp hand strong!

daBeast155 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 17:06

well at least she'll like the necklace since she picked it out

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 11 July 2011 18:06

I don't think anyone got the Seinfeld reference, 2.

highland2012 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 19:53

hey beautiful :)

gilroy14 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 23:50

ur hot

iluvhobos 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 23:59

Clearly, 55 /:

starkiller731 2

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

better than nothing lol

Eggers 2

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:50

I just gotta say I love your profile pic. thats all. carry on

Yourmomschesthai_fml 1

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Monday 11 July 2011 19:42

true, but it's like OP but something for herself/himself.

dagray40 7

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

the best give to give someone is the one you want for yourself. lmao

MCRandBVBlover88 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

re-gifters of the world unite! FTW.

iluffmcrandbvb 1

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:04

:O your username and profile picture are awesome ^.^

MCRandBVBlover88 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:16

ah you noticed! haha, and same to you! love the icon. gee all the wayy

marinus_fml 19

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:17

That's what you get for giving a shitty present.

johnson94 5

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

this guy knows what's up ^

JustinThunder 8

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:26

And it's payback time.

MCRandBVBlover88 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:28

charmander FTW

junz_fml 0

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

Get new friends.

ayooBrandon 12

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

stop giving shitty presents

Livinia 11

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

Well other than the shit present, I hope you had a great birthday!

bribearr 6

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Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

DKjazz 20

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:44

But if OP reregifts it, then the friend will post on FML, too! And then she'll probably rereregift it!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 36

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 25

Bad women's anatomy

This is war!

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Blue Christmas

Mr Clean

FML Uncensored

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