Miscellaneous: Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best...

By Vic - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

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Miscellaneous

Sorry…

British Broadcasting Corporation

Parental guilt

By preggers - Canada

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

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33456

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By 909 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Lidl to buy the cheapest jaffa cakes I could. They cost 35p. When I was eating them later on I put the plastic wrapper onto the side. When I'd finished eating my jaffa cakes I went to pick up the wrapper... The dog had eaten it. Cost me a £150 vet bill. Most expensive jaffas I've ever had. FML

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27920

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By lynn777 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

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42184

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

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63570

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40201

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

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38870

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By sunflower226 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

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28477

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

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1120

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101

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML

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4577

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523

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

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18200

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2748

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By wlisy

Drugged?

Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML

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1569

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By secret - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

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39641

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

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By thanks, cunt-o - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

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41117

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By nasty_ex - Australia

Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML

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35558

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By Gg - United Kingdom

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

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52826

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By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

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26035

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By Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Today, my boss selected me to be the company representative at an important meeting in Portland with one of our biggest clients. I was thrilled, until I realized he hadn't said anything about my plane ticket or hotel reservation. He later told me that I'll need to acquire those things myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3856

You deserved it

236

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By ditzen - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31649

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4449

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By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

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29010

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By MouserMan - Canada - Olds

Today, after emptying the dishwasher, I noticed something in the back by the drain. It looked like a turkey bone. Upon closer inspection, it was a mouse carcass. I have no idea how many loads of dishes have gone through with it in there. FML

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38026

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By Lazyuser2849 - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

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13046

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990

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By NotAnInLawFamilyMan - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

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35687

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2936

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By poolboy

Today, I was swimming in my pool with my two sons. A few hours later while on Facebook, I saw that one of them had liked a photo with the caption, "Peeing in a pool, best feeling ever." FML

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25195

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By Kelli - 8/4/2020 02:00

That slaps!

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1320

You deserved it

888

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By anxiety - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

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24109

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10307

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By MrOh - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

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39585

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4494

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By ShadowJack - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

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41285

You deserved it

9715

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By SchoolFMLs - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was supposed to be studying for an important exam. My parents decided to make me go to a surprise birthday party instead. We weren't allowed to leave until the party was over. The party was for the dog. FML

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45128

You deserved it

3825

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

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41193

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By clarakipper - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37464

You deserved it

2712

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By ShutTheFuCupcake - Canada - Calgary

Today, I flexed so hard for a selfie, I gave myself a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24600

You deserved it

70688

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By yourmomsabitch - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date. I have been playing solitaire the whole night waiting for him. Out of 15 games, I've won one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34442

You deserved it

5067

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By great 1st impression - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52644

You deserved it

7851

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By snipsnip

Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12549

You deserved it

999

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By Anonymous - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20176

You deserved it

8287

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By dm206 - United States

Today, I decided that I was going to get my front license plate put back on my car after two years of having it off. In these two years I somehow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive without one in MD. On my way there, I got pulled over for not having a front license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18102

You deserved it

51725

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By wormsmeat - Canada - Kingston

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27913

You deserved it

1748

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By EnglishLearner - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24733

You deserved it

8066

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By megan228 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

143224

You deserved it

8980

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By spriggs - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

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15807

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Carebear423 | 0

#2867152 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

By bribearr | 6

#2867240 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

COMMENTS

By Carebear423 | 0

#2867152 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

saaaalt | 4

#2867280 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:25

don't hate. Appreciate!

Zmeilerr | 22

#2867378 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:37

#1: That would be herpes.

mlb58 | 0

#2867428 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:44

I'm generous, anyone want the gift that keeps on giving?

jglenn88 | 0

#2867475 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:51

give it back to her in 9 months.

shannonreneee | 11

#2867640 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

On the bright side you must of liked it to give it to her. So you got a "nice" gift.

sxe_beast | 11

#2867643 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

@Erm, do you mean 10 months?! 9+2=11!?!?!!?

changetheworld | 0

#2867749 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:41

Haha, next year make a move on her.

soccersgr8 | 6

#2867830 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:57

give it to her for her next birthday...

zendaddy0 | 0

#2868324 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:27

keep trading it off on each others birthday it could be a tradition

heyguysitsjosh | 8

#2868961 - Monday 11 July 2011 20:48

#1 is right. OP give it back to her on her birthday

By iluvhobos | 5

#2867163 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:15

Uh oh...she's a re-gifter!

barmeywashere | 0

#2867415 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:42

NO way.. We clearly didn't understand that until you posted this comment... -_-

mlb58 | 0

#2867439 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:46

Asshole^

SOD_sonofdixie | 5

#2867456 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:48

you gotta slap a bitch... keep the pimp hand strong!

daBeast155 | 0

#2867567 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:06

well at least she'll like the necklace since she picked it out

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2867868 - Monday 11 July 2011 18:06

I don't think anyone got the Seinfeld reference, 2.

highland2012 | 0

#2868548 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:53

hey beautiful :)

gilroy14 | 0

#2869889 - Monday 11 July 2011 23:50

ur hot

iluvhobos | 5

#2869938 - Monday 11 July 2011 23:59

Clearly, 55 /:

By starkiller731 | 2

#2867172 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

better than nothing lol

Eggers | 2

#2867466 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:50

I just gotta say I love your profile pic. thats all. carry on

Yourmomschesthai_fml | 1

#2868457 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:42

true, but it's like OP but something for herself/himself.

By dagray40 | 7

#2867174 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

the best give to give someone is the one you want for yourself. lmao

By MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2867178 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

re-gifters of the world unite! FTW.

iluffmcrandbvb | 1

#2879055 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:04

:O your username and profile picture are awesome ^.^

MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2879816 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:16

ah you noticed! haha, and same to you! love the icon. gee all the wayy

By marinus_fml | 19

#2867193 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:17

That's what you get for giving a shitty present.

johnson94 | 5

#2867222 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

this guy knows what's up ^

JustinThunder | 8

#2867289 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:26

And it's payback time.

MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2867307 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:28

charmander FTW

By junz_fml | 0

#2867200 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

Get new friends.

By ayooBrandon | 12

#2867208 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

stop giving shitty presents

By Livinia | 11

#2867217 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

Well other than the shit present, I hope you had a great birthday!

By bribearr | 6

#2867240 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

DKjazz | 20

#2875225 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:44

But if OP reregifts it, then the friend will post on FML, too! And then she'll probably rereregift it!