Miscellaneous: Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best...

By Vic - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Sorry…

Bass, how low can you go?

By Chouse - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

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By Sharee K. - United States

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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By geeklove - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

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34652

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By ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By crazymuch - Canada

Today, I talked to my boss about the fact that I have been diagnosed as bipolar and I am having a really hard time with it. He told me to look on the bright side, now that I'm crazy I will never have to do Jury Duty. FML

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By foreveralone - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

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By GetMeTheDamnBleach - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

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By wtf

Get out

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my phone there and had got a text from a guy saying, "Hi, how have you been?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

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By dadisgoatboy - Switzerland

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

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By anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

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By JazzyandAlice - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

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By whyyy - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

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By jennag5 - Canada - Claresholm

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was trying to put some new curtains up. I couldn't make sense of the instructions, so I decided to wing it. I spent a frustrating half hour fighting with it, and just seconds after I succeeded, the curtain rod gave way and slammed straight onto my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2021 02:01

Receptacle

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

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By disapointed girl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

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By Nicky_ham - Canada - Regina

Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

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1943

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By rainbows? more like shitstorms - United States

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

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By ProneToBlondeMoments - United Kingdom

Today, I was just about to do an important presentation in front of my boss and co-workers. When, without warning I tripped in front of everyone and knocked a VERY expensive computer off the table. How do I know it was so expensive? I'm paying for it. FML

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By stillhungry - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

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By Embarassed - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

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By blahppl14 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

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By Anonymous

Denial

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

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By dicedicebaby - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

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30579

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By Anonymous - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous

Cheater

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

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By elliebellie - 21/3/2021 00:28 - Australia

It'll be a Vlog next

Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML

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By dannytriplet - United States

Today, I got my son's phone bill (the phone I got him to call us from college). I found out he's been calling a phone sex hotline everyday. He hasn't called us once. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

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24562

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By Aiaiii - Germany

Today, I spent some time in a sun-bed to prepare myself for a very special reunion with my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 6 months. I hope he likes crispy red butt-cheeks, and I wonder whether they will start peeling before or after he returns. FML

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9428

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

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By needabettermirror - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

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7010

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By icanunderstand - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

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By rj - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

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40350

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By Flyboy - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

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Top comments

By Carebear423 | 0

#2867152 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

By bribearr | 6

#2867240 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

COMMENTS

By Carebear423 | 0

#2867152 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:14

it's the gift that just keeps giving!

saaaalt | 4

#2867280 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:25

don't hate. Appreciate!

Zmeilerr | 22

#2867378 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:37

#1: That would be herpes.

mlb58 | 0

#2867428 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:44

I'm generous, anyone want the gift that keeps on giving?

jglenn88 | 0

#2867475 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:51

give it back to her in 9 months.

shannonreneee | 11

#2867640 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

On the bright side you must of liked it to give it to her. So you got a "nice" gift.

sxe_beast | 11

#2867643 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:24

@Erm, do you mean 10 months?! 9+2=11!?!?!!?

changetheworld | 0

#2867749 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:41

Haha, next year make a move on her.

soccersgr8 | 6

#2867830 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:57

give it to her for her next birthday...

zendaddy0 | 0

#2868324 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:27

keep trading it off on each others birthday it could be a tradition

heyguysitsjosh | 8

#2868961 - Monday 11 July 2011 20:48

#1 is right. OP give it back to her on her birthday

By iluvhobos | 5

#2867163 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:15

Uh oh...she's a re-gifter!

barmeywashere | 0

#2867415 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:42

NO way.. We clearly didn't understand that until you posted this comment... -_-

mlb58 | 0

#2867439 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:46

Asshole^

SOD_sonofdixie | 5

#2867456 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:48

you gotta slap a bitch... keep the pimp hand strong!

daBeast155 | 0

#2867567 - Monday 11 July 2011 17:06

well at least she'll like the necklace since she picked it out

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2867868 - Monday 11 July 2011 18:06

I don't think anyone got the Seinfeld reference, 2.

highland2012 | 0

#2868548 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:53

hey beautiful :)

gilroy14 | 0

#2869889 - Monday 11 July 2011 23:50

ur hot

iluvhobos | 5

#2869938 - Monday 11 July 2011 23:59

Clearly, 55 /:

By starkiller731 | 2

#2867172 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

better than nothing lol

Eggers | 2

#2867466 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:50

I just gotta say I love your profile pic. thats all. carry on

Yourmomschesthai_fml | 1

#2868457 - Monday 11 July 2011 19:42

true, but it's like OP but something for herself/himself.

By dagray40 | 7

#2867174 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

the best give to give someone is the one you want for yourself. lmao

By MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2867178 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:16

re-gifters of the world unite! FTW.

iluffmcrandbvb | 1

#2879055 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:04

:O your username and profile picture are awesome ^.^

MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2879816 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:16

ah you noticed! haha, and same to you! love the icon. gee all the wayy

By marinus_fml | 19

#2867193 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:17

That's what you get for giving a shitty present.

johnson94 | 5

#2867222 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

this guy knows what's up ^

JustinThunder | 8

#2867289 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:26

And it's payback time.

MCRandBVBlover88 | 0

#2867307 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:28

charmander FTW

By junz_fml | 0

#2867200 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

Get new friends.

By ayooBrandon | 12

#2867208 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:18

stop giving shitty presents

By Livinia | 11

#2867217 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:19

Well other than the shit present, I hope you had a great birthday!

By bribearr | 6

#2867240 - Monday 11 July 2011 16:20

give it back next year...in the same paper.

DKjazz | 20

#2875225 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:44

But if OP reregifts it, then the friend will post on FML, too! And then she'll probably rereregift it!