Intimacy: Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking...

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 17:01 - United States - South Gate

Today, I still can't decide whether masturbating while looking at myself makes me narcissistic or just plain pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 678

You deserved it 37 449

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 37 950

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 7 433

By again? - 15/03/2016 10:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 414

You deserved it 2 502

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 359

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 205

You deserved it 39 600

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 1 723

Let it out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 14:02

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 1 538

Woman DESTROYS her sex life with FACTS and some sort of LOGIC

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 22:59

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 106

Oddly specific

By RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 916

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 477

perdix 29

Thursday 5 July 2012 0:29

If you have a big dick, it's narcissistic. If you have a little winky, it's hilarious!

doctorhook86 24

Thursday 5 July 2012 0:49

I don't see a gender on this FML, so I'm choosing to believe that Megan Fox wrote it.

Comments

SmackinSluts 1

Friday 13 July 2012 10:07

You need to get laid.

Smilebaileyboo 0

Friday 13 July 2012 23:29

it makes u sexy

kayliers 5

Monday 16 July 2012 7:22

Um. Ew.

MU_City 0

Wednesday 18 July 2012 0:22

Haha kind of pathetic dude

15949058 4

Tuesday 31 July 2012 15:41

Ummmmmmmm I think it depends on what makes you happy.

corinna12124 0

Friday 3 August 2012 7:19

Ur pathetic

I_am_original 1

Monday 6 August 2012 22:09

If you are a female it is narcissism, if you are male it is being pathetic.

mrsmaglietta 6

Thursday 16 August 2012 11:44

It makes you sexy

dr3amcatchr 2

Monday 27 August 2012 4:20

You really Don't know which it is? It's narcissistic! Jeez. Hahahaha

ZombieKitteh 8

Thursday 11 October 2012 5:23

I've always wondered if an attractive gay person could do that. Seems like there's no way it could work if you're straight.

Keywords

Weird Miscellaneous Awkward Shopping My ex Family Relatable Racism AITA Love Kids Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cats Cute Intimacy Sex Relationship advice Alcohol Coworkers Health Psychology Mental health Cops Neighbours Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 201

You deserved it 7 094

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 962

You deserved it 12 660

The Top

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 016

You deserved it 47 191

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he's a suicide risk due to his depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 506

You deserved it 3 636

Today, I'm pregnant. So far, I have been criticized about 20 times for “making poor choices.” Not only did we use a condom, I’m also on the pill, and have an IUD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 191

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 101

You deserved it 1 501

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 121

You deserved it 496

Today, I got fired via Facebook messenger in a chat that also included a coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 627