By committedandalone - 24/11/2016 14:45
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It sounds to me like he's just making excuses. So, start secretly hanging out with his mom on the weekends to become best friends with her, then bring her along to choose a place for you and your boyfriend and then you can both surprise him by driving him there together! Now he doesn't have to know what he wants because you chose for him. And if he doesn't want to live with you after all, then you have a great new apartment and his mom can keep him!
You're on your Master's, so I assume you're both adults. Whether his mom approves or not is irrelevant. Sounds like he's either making excuses, or has an unhealthy relationship with his mother where she won't let go, and he won't put his foot down. No matter what the situation, it isn't something you want to deal with. You should be with someone who wants to be with you, and as for his mother, she'll always be controlling him and your relationship if she is really like that.
I'll play the devil's advocate here - My fiance and I are probably around the same age as OP and her boyfriend. I'm currently in grad school, and we're planning to get married when I complete my degree (we're currently living in different states). My parents are very traditional and religious, and would not approve of me living with him before we're married. Since we're hoping to have the wedding as soon as possible, I don't think this will be an issue for us. But my parents would object to us living together before marriage, and going against their wishes would almost certainly affect my relationship with my family. I'm not sure exactly what I would do, but it would be a very difficult situation. I don't think it's fair to judge the OP's boyfriend too harshly (saying that he isn't committed to OP, or that he's a momma's boy) simply because he's facing pressure from his family to live a certain way. We don't know the whole situation, but when you've been raised a certain way, it can be difficult to break away from what you've been taught your whole life. TL;DR - I personally understand how the boyfriend's relationship with his family complicates this situation, and I don't think it's fair to assume that he's not committed to OP based on the little information we know.
I agree, I face the same issue. Though honestly I know that they'll be my family no matter what and they won't hate me forever. My boyfriend knew about this issue from the beginning so we've been talking to them and it's getting them comfortable . So I mean I guess the best thing for OP and her guy is to talk about it so they can determine whether or not that's what he wants, and they can just talk to his mom.
In sorry, but I disagree this is your relationship, not theirs, what parents' "wishes" are shouldn't play a part in what happens between you and your partner. No adult should have that kind of control over another fully functioning adult, people are individuals and have their own autonomy. By refusing to be accepting, they're basically saying that you have to accept and adhere to their views, wants, and beliefs, but they won't give you the same courtesy. No one else's beliefs should dictate how another person lives their own life. Also, this may just be me, but my relationship with my partner comes first, it is always the priority, and I know what is best for it considering I'm the one living in it, so what my parents want or think will never play a part in it. I'm an adult, they don't get to control me or my partner like that, it is just plain disrespectful.
I agree with you completely #20. My mother is actually like that and tries to control me in certain aspects of my relationship and I don't allow it to happen. She can try all she wants but like you said, I know what's best because it's my relationship with my partner. Not her's. However, she tries to control many aspects of my life so I suppose this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Ah, the problems that come with dating a Mama's Boy. I'd keep an eye on that situation if I were you. If he's changing his answer because of his mom's opinion, think of what else he may change because of what she wants. I'm not gonna say "dump him," just that you should be careful and keep an eye on how things are going. His mom may end up ruining your life and your relationship if you're not careful.
If he's backing out because of his mom, I'd be wary of her always being a third party in your relationship.
Hey, you graduating is a big step for him, okay?