By Anonymous - 31/3/2020 05:00

Afterthought

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he never thought we had a future together. He just wanted to move in together so he could get "cheaper rent for a while." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1842

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Commando

Nerves of steel

Living my best life

By stupiddddddd - United Kingdom

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56553

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9011

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By Anonymous

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4352

You deserved it

179

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By cowgirl - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24334

You deserved it

3654

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25588

You deserved it

2213

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By FriendZone - United States - Abington

Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6696

You deserved it

1967

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By Anonymous - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12283

You deserved it

22178

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By titoutou222 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27418

You deserved it

18544

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55071

You deserved it

9836

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By oh. - United States

Proof of love

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2388

You deserved it

148

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By Sick Guy - United States - Boynton Beach

buys case of Listerine

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4838

You deserved it

326

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By bootycall:( - United States - Oxnard

Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8776

You deserved it

1215

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By davka

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65156

You deserved it

4816

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By ksamp - United States

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43109

You deserved it

6226

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By comeonnow - United States - Coldwater

Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11353

You deserved it

739

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By pathetic - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13034

You deserved it

59212

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33434

You deserved it

6643

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By polish_chik - Canada

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26220

You deserved it

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By whatever mom - 23/7/2020 14:02

Everyone's an expert

Today, my mother scolded me for undressing my son and giving him Tylenol to break his fever. She insisted I wrap him in several layers to increase his body temperature in order to let him "sweat the fever out." I’m married to a pediatrician. My mom didn’t finish high school. She swears we're wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1988

You deserved it

130

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By x_udontknowme_x - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27224

You deserved it

4337

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By Fluffy

Thanks, honey.

Today, I noticed that I've been gaining some weight. Don't worry, my boyfriend doesn't mind. His new favorite thing is putting my boobs on his head and saying he feels "safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4562

You deserved it

878

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33211

You deserved it

4255

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48640

You deserved it

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By 102496 - France

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33647

You deserved it

4562

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By Marie - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26038

You deserved it

4669

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By love-shot - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49948

You deserved it

7817

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33532

You deserved it

3575

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By Anonymous

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5162

You deserved it

234

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By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5782

You deserved it

402

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By welp - United States - Roswell

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12003

You deserved it

1150

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By 3,500 down - United States - Altus

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16437

You deserved it

2687

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 14:01

We could be heroes

Today, as an Ambulance Technician, I dealt with a man who had too much LSD. He urinated on my boot and spat on me multiple times, thinking he had dragons in his mouth. I put a mask on him and he took it off so "the dragons could escape." My wage is lower than if I were working in a supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

101

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By ihateithere

Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2557

You deserved it

205

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By NotSoAnon - United States

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35268

You deserved it

5033

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By not my bf anymore - United States

Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22506

You deserved it

7513

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By ugh.. - United States

Today, while working at my life guard job, I noticed a girl bouncing on one foot over to the pool. Afraid she would trip, I whistled at her and harshly yelled "NO running or messing around on the pool deck!" She removed her towel, revealing her legs. Or leg, she only had one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53284

You deserved it

21347

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By rrefaat - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I thought our CEO had clearly stated that I will only be focusing on my job, and all other stuff will not be my problem. Apparently, I was wrong, because I still get blamed for all the other departments' mistakes, even though I don't manage them. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1656

You deserved it

121

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19857

You deserved it

1416

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By faded as shit - United States

Today, my parents took away my laptop, TV, Xbox, and car all because I broke up with my girlfriend. They said when I patch things up with her, I can have my stuff back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40456

You deserved it

5329

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By IRum - Russian Federation

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32013

You deserved it

5446

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By aye! - 25/7/2020 02:02

Porque no los dos?

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1147

You deserved it

275

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Top comments

By Mellowyellow15 | 8

#7893706 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 5:18

That’s terrible. Kick his ass out.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7893723 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 7:09

Hang in there. Eventually he'll give up hope and marry you. Be strong!

COMMENTS

By Mellowyellow15 | 8

#7893706 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 5:18

That’s terrible. Kick his ass out.

By slowhandjp | 16

#7893721 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 6:50

What a stingy guy 👎

By RichardPencil | 29

#7893723 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 7:09

Hang in there. Eventually he'll give up hope and marry you. Be strong!

Raheem Denson | 4

#7893855 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 20:09

Lmao

By rhett | 4

#7893800 - Tuesday 31 March 2020 14:23

A friend of mine received this piece of advice from her Grandmother, it might help you in your current situation: “If he breaks your heart, [email protected]$# his best friend”

Afterthought

Proof of love

*buys case of Listerine*

Everyone's an expert

Thanks, honey.

True Love

We could be heroes

Porque no los dos?

buys case of Listerine