Cool moves

Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

Not getting my deposit back

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I hate my life

Today, during a presentation, I gestured too dramatically and launched my pen across the room. It bounced off the projector screen, hit my boss’s coffee cup, and splattered it across the conference table. Everyone froze while I jokingly apologized to the table. FML