Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML
Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML
Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML
Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML
Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML
Today, I decided to be productive and clean behind my couch. I found dust, old receipts, and one sock I thought was stolen by the universe. When I stood up proudly, I smashed my head on the shelf above. I knocked down three picture frames. All shattered. FML
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Top comments
tencentsakiss 19
I stayed in a hotel last week, and literally everything I touched broke. This sounds like something I would do
wafflemaster 1
i blame u for the lipstick part
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Comments (218)
joseph11 0
aye
That_Guy_Jake_JR 0
Failblog DOT ORG! ;P
joseph11 0
got 1st sum how
Bradster_15 0
coordination FTW?
PimpdaddyCJT 13
13 fails harder than OP
kassieparis 8
aww poor you op but it's pretty funny :) xx
bravesfan112233 0
it couldve been worse. you couldve died, someone you know couldve died, you couldve been homeless, you couldve been born with no legs...etc
Prodigy7 4
Not really 19. You're the one who fails smart ass.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
wow sorry made a mistake I'm only human :P
illmatic2 16
Are you human? I don't believe it.
OMGJASMiNE 0
lmao!
Amanda2772 0
Blame it on your roommate.
the_flirtt 0
I sware I think I have seen this in a movie before ?
ThebriMcCoy 0
. sthu ' that was a dumb comment . why get on FML if you're gonna say stuff like that .
FFML_314 12
Who are you talking to, #50?
ugwmii 0
did u happen to cross a black cat lately?
KiddNYC1O 22
rip yourself a new butthole, you're fckd
Graawr 7
how could you do that to the poor little lipstick T-T
Danielshark10 3
lol fail
buzz18 7
Shit happens
sukaaa 0
have ypu heard of this new crazy invention called vhakume яетаяd
meagy 6
Wow, OP. Watch where you're walking.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
@58 A Vacuum would not get lipstick out of a carpet. Also who are you to call anyone a retard if your going to type like that?
MykeLytorus 0
25 shut up. who asked you?
breelovesu1 0
you are cute!(: sry just had to say
brandon425 1
19 fails harder than both. 13 had gotten number one and didn't realize until after he posted his comment so he came back to say it
imonaboat79 2
be less clumsy sir, life is generally cheaper that way :)
bigbadtim 7
49, was that movie the Three Stooges? OP, so much for that Alberta advantage.
iron_chefITALY 0
64 your not! sorry just had to say
FFML_314 12
She's not what, 68?
Schizomaniac 24
68, you're a ******* douche.
iron_chefITALY 0
thank you. and she said 'your cute! sorry just had to say!'
FFML_314 12
No she said, "you are cute." I'm still waiting for you to complete your sentence.
Schizomaniac 24
You're very welcome. Why did you feel the need to insult that girl like that?
iron_chefITALY 0
sorry I don't care much for the english language thanks tho. and why do u care I didn't say u weren't cute.
KarinaLizeth18 5
haha same here xD
iron_chefITALY 0
lol @ iicaptian
FFML_314 12
OK, you're not getting this. Your is possessive, meaning something you own. You're is a contraction of you are. Please, learn the difference before you try and insult someone. Your initial comment did not make sense.
iron_chefITALY 0
that's cool I really don't care thanks
FFML_314 12
If you don't care, why are you thanking me?
iron_chefITALY 0
oh sorry queen B I meant I don't care about u teaching me shit I'll never use
FFML_314 12
ôô Queen B you say?
ChesterJester11 0
YDI for owning a phone with a cord
iron_chefITALY 0
more like queen G. queen grammar
FFML_314 12
Will you make up your mind?
iron_chefITALY 0
I changed it once don't get ur granny panies in a knot.
Schizomaniac 24
I love how everyone uses that, constantly. Originality people, orginality.
iron_chefITALY 0
I have a job and it's a picture. and coming from someone without a picture ur opinion doesn't matter
FFML_314 12
Your job is a picture? Does that pay well?
Schizomaniac 24
Your job is a picture? :P
iron_chefITALY 0
lol I meant it's a picture I can't magicly alter the picture from last week. my job isn't a picture haha
KarinaLizeth18 5
oh hey I remember you 89 haha you're funny
FFML_314 12
You can just go ahead and give yourself a nice smack right on the forehead. I'm just going to guess that picture isn't even you. :( Edit: You remember me? I don't try to be funny, it just happens.
iron_chefITALY 0
I know it's impossible to believe god gave all the good qualites to one man, but here I stand/sit ;)
Schizomaniac 24
Apparently idiocy is a favorable characteristic now.
KarinaLizeth18 5
O.o are you gay?
FFML_314 12
I am so proud! You almost (key word being almost) made a grammatically correct sentence. You are one step closer. Who are you asking, 103?
iron_chefITALY 0
I can't be hot and smart. inteligence comes with a price
rfngxhhshi 0
douchey-ness is not something most would coin as a good quality iron
KarinaLizeth18 5
101 haha >.< my gay-o-meter went off the charts but then again I'm almost never right u.u .... I'm not a homophobe or anything like that, lol it was just a question. :)
xfreakx2220 0
hey 107 you can "magicly" alter pictures nowadays is called photoshop...
iron_chefITALY 0
I'm not a douche I just don't cry every time I look in the mirrior
Schizomaniac 24
Hm, my gaydar didn't go off when I saw his picture, and I'm usually pretty good at gay-detection. My mom is a lesbian and a lot of my friends are gay. :P Man, the retards are going to have a ball with that one.
FFML_314 12
You should work on your intelligence, 101. Especially if you believe people can only possess 2 qualities. You're lacking in both. ôô
iron_chefITALY 0
I'm only lacking smarts ;)
Schizomaniac 24
113 *Extends hand to make ammends*
FFML_314 12
I thought we went over this already Skitz. ☺
Schizomaniac 24
I still felt the tension in the air. :P
KarinaLizeth18 5
really 112?? :/ mm well I was just sayin cause he has two hooped earrings and seems pretty queer... :D I have many gay friends and well I'm in an all female soccer team :| somehow it became an almost all lesbian(I as the exception) team. So like I said I wasn't trying to be rude or anything I was simply trying to satisfy my curiosity. Oh and btw thank you for your immaturity with the whole "the retards are gonna have a ball with this one" I didn't know someones simple curiosity was a means for humor. O.o
FFML_314 12
Karina, you completely misunderstood his comment.
iron_chefITALY 0
I didn't know u were talkin 2 me haha but no I'm not gay =]
KarinaLizeth18 5
I think I did... I admit I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed u.u so please enlighten me on what I misunderstood. :)
KarinaLizeth18 5
oh ok iron thanks :P haha
FFML_314 12
I'll let him handle that.
Schizomaniac 24
124, I meant that stupid people were going to start making fun of me because I have a gay mom and gay friends. I wasn't talking about you. :P
KarinaLizeth18 5
oh O.o well then I apologize for misunderstanding your comment :) and those who do have a ball with the fact that your mom is a lesbian and that you have many gay friends are indeed, retards xD
Thebloodygore 0
This thread gave me a headache.
Thebloodygore 0
Eli, your mum is reserved by me.
Schizomaniac 24
130, no biggie :P 132, I'm not calling you mom!
Thebloodygore 0
Eli, you're right! You're calling me mum! :)
Schizomaniac 24
Adan, unfortunately you cannot slap someone over the Internet :(. And no, I would have prefered that it was with someone who was not an idiot :/. Our mock-fight has yet to occur.
Schizomaniac 24
138, I would DIE before I called you 'mum!' (That was good, though) However, if we did reach some sort of agreement, I would take Seth under my wing and teach him my ways >:)
Schizomaniac 24
Adan, wanna see a different picture of him? *Devious face*
Schizomaniac 24
Hey, did you guys know that weed cures HIV?
Thebloodygore 0
Stupid comment bug! I said Adan, thank you. Eli, I dare you to put the picture up.
Thebloodygore 0
Adan, that's the picture he wanted to show you.
Schizomaniac 24
She dares me to put it up and then does it herself Haha, it was from another FML conversation. FFML is the only one who would have gotten it, but she left :/.
Schizomaniac 24
Look, Adan, she thinks she is cool now because she posted it before I did.
Schizomaniac 24
I think that's right :P
FFML_314 12
Whoa what did I miss?
FFML_314 12
I have no clue what Skitz is talking about.
Schizomaniac 24
Adan, I want him too. We can fly to Cambridge and kidnap him. Baron Rouge is only an hour from New Orleans >:) But I no longer have a car :(
Thebloodygore 0
What's with everyone attempting to steal my son? If anyone knows his full name, then maybe you'll have a chance of stealing him. Also, he only speaks Spanish, so good luck. Ohh, nothing Aria. Just a picture of my son flipping everyone off. Yes, Adan, that is correct.
starsbAby 2
28-you're hot ;)
starsbAby 2
thank you!!! and I agree
Schizomaniac 24
I know enough of his 10000 names for him to come to me, and I also speak very broken Spanish. Consider your child mine.
Thebloodygore 0
Name all his names. He does not like Mexican Spanish or crooked Spanish. Consider him, not yours.
Schizomaniac 24
No!It makes more sense for me to go there. Is there even an airport in BR?I don't know anything outside the university :/. I can take my roomate's bike.
Schizomaniac 24
Love I said ENOUGH of his names, and I don't think he's going to say "No me gusta tu español, ¡vente!" Besides, throwing him in a burlap sack requires little communication. Hey, hey, Adan. It was a very strategic move on the state's part. They didn't want people crashing planes into important builidings :P. Even though I think Albany is the capitol of New York :/.
Schizomaniac 24
Hahaha, yeah. I didn't really help myself by pointing that out.
TheOptimist 0
How in god's name did the convorsation shift from an FML about smeared lipstick and a phone cord being ripped out of a wall, to kidnapping a Spanish boy?
KarinaLizeth18 5
176 what exactly do you mean by Mexican Spanish??? >:| I'm Mexican, salvadorian and Guatemalan, and I find that my Spanish is just like everyone elses O.o well for the most part
Schizomaniac 24
185, if you see any of us in a conversation, it probably isn't about the FML. The other girl (probably 186), nah, Spanish differs in different countries, much like any other language. Go to Spain, Chile, or pretty much anywhere else and you'll find that there are both subtle and drastic differences.
FFML_314 12
TheOptimist, that seriously made me laugh out loud. I spit my water out onto my phone. Thank you. LOL! Edit: 186, there are different types of the Spanish language. For example: People from Mexico don't speak the same kind of Spanish as the people from Spain.
Thebloodygore 0
185, thank you! The conversation should have NOT switched to kidnapping my son. 186, it's way different. I didn't mean it in an offensive way. It's like British English and American English. They're founded on the same principles and for the most part, most of the words are the same, but there are different spellings of some words/different meanings/ and of course the different accents.
Schizomaniac 24
She is right; However, Mexican spanish is clearly better than Spanish from Spain, much like American English is far better than British English. :)
Thebloodygore 0
Eli, that's your opinion. I personally think it doesn't matter. It's still the same language, just because they have minor tweaks doesn't make it completely different. It's still English whether it be American or British. It's still Spanish. :]
Schizomaniac 24
Bleh, shut up. You know I wasn't serious.
Bon3less 0
and you're on the internet who cares I mean yeah he's a douchebag but who gives two flying ***** if he doesn't make a contraction
FFML_314 12
What is the point of saying, "who cares?" It's quite obvious who does, isn't it?
KarinaLizeth18 5
well thank you all for the clearity :D and yes ofcourse I knew that it differs slightly but it caught me off guard when she said "Mexican Spanish" haha I didn't know we had our own category xD woohoo
LeighMoreno 0
Lol. #58, really?
thaprince1226 0
hahahhahah I just realized schitz said his mom was gay ahhahahhahhah.
KarinaLizeth18 5
O.o really?? I hadn't caught that
yurlve1992 0
wow! talk bout bad luck OP :/ you almost made it
Griggy 0
Beautiful, simply beautiful.
BauerMegan 31
I regret opening this thread.
westsidewhite 0
fail!
drunkenhillbilly 0
haha good job op
DeepfriedT 1
YDI for being a clutz
xxkerry 0
That sucks
karinabeby 0
haha, nice job man!
tencentsakiss 19
I stayed in a hotel last week, and literally everything I touched broke. This sounds like something I would do
tencentsakiss 19
You know, you arent the first one who's told me that. I went to Italy. I now want to move there. :]. It's so beautiful.
Geiko_fml 0
I've been told to live in a bubble because of getting sick a lot a while back. Just stay in a bubble because of the allergies, as captain said. It's fun!
Ruslando 0
all things happen for a reason, except for that one. that was just stupid
KarinaLizeth18 5
so was your comment :|
Azure_Ebony 0
Good job OP!
GeoX14 7
What hell does OP mean?
xITzAusTin 5
#228 Original Poster.
pariah13 0
it was bound to happen.