Work: Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out...

By Clutz - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11388

You deserved it

35796

Favorite

Work

Late term

Taking stock

Caught red-handed

By Noname - United States

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11729

You deserved it

39204

Favorite

By Ramis182 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35926

You deserved it

10175

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Breaux Bridge

Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28364

You deserved it

5969

Favorite

By Respect101 - United States - Alvin

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40571

You deserved it

27572

Favorite

By housedoctor - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40761

You deserved it

6889

Favorite

By Kate - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21166

You deserved it

2861

Favorite

By LoveMeMother

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2512

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By Anonymous

The Good Grandson

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By morning_glory - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25763

You deserved it

2233

Favorite

By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18191

You deserved it

1298

Favorite

By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50646

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1666

You deserved it

430

Favorite

By Max - United States

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44084

You deserved it

6025

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34724

You deserved it

8654

Favorite

By thickly - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10500

You deserved it

1873

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2078

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29131

You deserved it

9563

Favorite

By Lady Cuntsnatch of Fallopia - United States - Yuba City

Today, I went into labor and got my husband drive me to the hospital. Instead of staying by my side, he rushed back home for a World of Warcraft raid. His excuse? His friends were counting on him and they'd be pissed if he let them down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45140

You deserved it

5896

Favorite

By mikalovernj - 27/11/2020 14:02

Pets are life

Today, my neighbor asked me to check in on his pet. When I went into his house, I couldn't find any animals. I searched all over, and finally gave up and called him. I asked him what type of pet he had. His response? "My pet rock, Stubby." That's right, I just spent some time looking for a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

963

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By Soakedandbroke - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22855

You deserved it

1746

Favorite

By A Henderson - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27085

You deserved it

2237

Favorite

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37406

You deserved it

7773

Favorite

By cmzraxsn - United Kingdom

Today, I ran to catch the train, but slipped on the stairs and fell on my shoulder. However, my effort was rendered useless; it wasn't even my train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25265

You deserved it

5307

Favorite

By imabadperson - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9466

You deserved it

44034

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32404

You deserved it

13188

Favorite

By CapeRanger - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54791

You deserved it

4754

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50165

You deserved it

5948

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51355

You deserved it

7151

Favorite

By mediocreboobs - United States

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47356

You deserved it

8816

Favorite

By let ‘Er rip

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1615

You deserved it

533

Favorite

By myrkes - Switzerland - Marstetten

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28053

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By crazygirl - Canada

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11197

You deserved it

33596

Favorite

By Rachel247 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42272

You deserved it

9967

Favorite

By bear92 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47426

You deserved it

5888

Favorite

By overpriced coffee shop worker - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23029

You deserved it

2281

Favorite

By Tyguy3000 - United States

Today, I asked a woman to take a picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the beach. When I looked up, the woman and my phone were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2085

You deserved it

2915

Favorite

By Dear God Why

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11310

You deserved it

709

Favorite

By Jssceli09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9546

You deserved it

24772

Favorite

By webcammistake - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24047

You deserved it

75681

Favorite

By brenami - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22738

You deserved it

7678

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xCrackerx | 3

#637695 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:25

You're the kind of person who forced McDonalds to put WARNING: HOT on every cup of coffee.

By xshyguyx | 0

#637642 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:41

next time don't yank the cord, lesson learned

COMMENTS

By ItsAshxD | 0

#637639 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:39

Ouch. D:

cassdede | 0

#902819 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:12

that just made my day

By xshyguyx | 0

#637642 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:41

next time don't yank the cord, lesson learned

By Itsu_fml | 0

#637647 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:47

Oh dude I've done that but it cut my cheek. That was a fun one. DX

DuhthatsObvious | 0

#637794 - Sunday 25 October 2009 12:33

You suck as much as OP's vacuum.

HamsteronA | 0

#800333 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 18:02

^^^^
win!

By owlcityislove | 0

#637648 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:48

PWNED.. sorry.. that sucks.. :/

By MagicMeds | 0

#637656 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:55

"So what?" button please!

onlysoph | 0

#637660 - Sunday 25 October 2009 8:58

Why? I'd say cutting your lip open counts as an FML

By anniemarie | 0

#637668 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:03

haha so..that's kinda like today, I got a papercut. FML no one really cares...

By prettyboy82 | 0

#637683 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:19

You shouldn't be a moron and yank a cord out! Common sense says it's coming back to where it was yanked from, in this case right toward YOU!

By xCrackerx | 3

#637695 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:25

You're the kind of person who forced McDonalds to put WARNING: HOT on every cup of coffee.

By nyuu1234 | 0

#637696 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:26

Wow u hurt your lip who gives a crap

By FerrariCake | 2

#637698 - Sunday 25 October 2009 9:29

Get a Roomba! It doesnt have a cord and it does the vacuuming for you!