Work: Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out...

By Clutz - 25/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, after I had finished vacuuming, I ripped the cord out of the outlet and it hit me in the face cutting both my top and bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 396

You deserved it 35 811

Work

Backstabbers

Grammar police alert

Sweet, my ass

By sexandanxiety - 30/04/2015 00:46 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 550

You deserved it 4 186

By Coyote - 06/07/2019 18:00

Today, a couple of friends and I went camping in a national park. When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 620

You deserved it 4 143

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 21:45 - United States

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 835

You deserved it 5 325

By kansasgirl - 02/03/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 706

You deserved it 4 360

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 04:01

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 404

By passedout - 14/07/2017 05:00

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 517

You deserved it 463

By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/06/2019 10:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 420

By liz1234 - 23/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 034

You deserved it 8 093

By hahahano - 24/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 886

You deserved it 3 820

By BigBallah93 - 07/07/2009 12:20 - China

Today, I began my job volunteering at an orphanage in Beijing, China, working with 7-year-olds who just started learning english. We played a game where, if you got caught, you had to sing a song. I got caught, so I chose the ABCs. They all knew the song perfectly, I missed 3 letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 852

You deserved it 78 694

By partypooper - 18/01/2012 15:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 6 670

By Unemployed - 16/10/2011 07:15 - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 907

You deserved it 5 638

By notanybetter - 08/06/2019 02:00

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 154

By ohlordhelpmenow - 15/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 436

You deserved it 2 675

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 077

You deserved it 7 957

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 491

You deserved it 8 650

Medicare for all

By US_Healthcare_Sucks - 30/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 74

By anonymous - 03/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 3 373

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 275

You deserved it 27 045

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 892

You deserved it 8 181

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 094

You deserved it 2 360

Drip drip drip

By ewww - 03/04/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 127

You deserved it 5 207

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 10:27 - United States

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 371

You deserved it 6 550

By hermit's life - 25/12/2016 07:11 - United States - Sellersburg

Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 306

You deserved it 1 341

By Anonymous - 22/11/2015 05:45 - United States - Ossining

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 190

You deserved it 2 670

By KaySchrages92 - 25/10/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 468

You deserved it 3 854

Orwellian nightmare

By anonymous - 24/10/2014 13:47 - Austria - Vienna

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 121

You deserved it 3 266

By fuck you, mum - 11/01/2013 22:19 - United Kingdom

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 569

You deserved it 4 150

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 221

By cls_x - 24/02/2013 07:53 - United States - Riverview

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 342

You deserved it 4 004

By Big Mouth - 13/11/2018 14:00

Today, my class had a debate about religion. My classmate said that Christians couldn't be circumcised because "only Jewish people are". Without thinking, I said it isn't true because I'm Christian and I’m circumcised. I accidentally gave the whole class a mental picture of my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 212

You deserved it 1 195

That sucks

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 421

You deserved it 928

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 222

You deserved it 4 598

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 890

You deserved it 3 970

By Alli.M - 18/03/2012 11:06 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 336

You deserved it 3 204

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 5 215

By Lilly_28 - 11/08/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 895

You deserved it 18 399

By lolomg - 08/09/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 418

You deserved it 3 044

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xCrackerx 3

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:25

You're the kind of person who forced McDonalds to put WARNING: HOT on every cup of coffee.

xshyguyx 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:41

next time don't yank the cord, lesson learned

ItsAshxD 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:39

Ouch. D:

cassdede 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 5:12

that just made my day

xshyguyx 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:41

next time don't yank the cord, lesson learned

Itsu_fml 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:47

Oh dude I've done that but it cut my cheek. That was a fun one. DX

DuhthatsObvious 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 12:33

You suck as much as OP's vacuum.

HamsteronA 0

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Tuesday 26 January 2010 18:02

^^^^ win!

owlcityislove 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:48

PWNED.. sorry.. that sucks.. :/

MagicMeds 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:55

"So what?" button please!

onlysoph 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 8:58

Why? I'd say cutting your lip open counts as an FML

anniemarie 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:03

haha so..that's kinda like today, I got a papercut. FML no one really cares...

prettyboy82 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:19

You shouldn't be a moron and yank a cord out! Common sense says it's coming back to where it was yanked from, in this case right toward YOU!

xCrackerx 3

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:25

You're the kind of person who forced McDonalds to put WARNING: HOT on every cup of coffee.

nyuu1234 0

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:26

Wow u hurt your lip who gives a crap

FerrariCake 2

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Sunday 25 October 2009 9:29

Get a Roomba! It doesnt have a cord and it does the vacuuming for you!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 11

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 94

Nice guys

Medicare for all

What is it?

Drip drip drip

Orwellian nightmare

Hormonal hell

That sucks

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