Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled... - FML

By dumbbass - 24/2/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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Instadrama

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By Derek - 5/8/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

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By Duckie W - 13/2/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

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By innocent - 6/1/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

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By Lily - 8/1/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

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By riappp - 25/2/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2012 00:00 - United States - Medina

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

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By LilyL - 6/6/2010 21:53 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2010 11:29 - Turkey

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

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By Ihatepants - 1/9/2016 01:37 - United States - Wrightsville

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 05:06

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

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By meatballz - 16/3/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive". She called me a cow murderer. FML

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By LucklessNiceGuy - 5/12/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

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By Kendra_Nine - 16/1/2013 18:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

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By nah - 9/9/2015 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I started my period. Every time I try to open a tampon, my dog goes crazy thinking it's one of his treats. Now I have to open them with my hair dryer on. FML

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By - 20/12/2019 20:00

Christmas pictures

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

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By inappropes - 10/8/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

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By Hayls5 - 4/7/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

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By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - 25/2/2013 19:47 - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

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By Me - 10/9/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

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By SadDad - 6/3/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

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By Not A Pervert - 4/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

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By Tired - 5/8/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2013 21:35 - Sweden - Staffanstorp

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

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By lumi - 24/6/2009 01:28 - United States

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

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By OhDeary - 1/8/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

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By dicksonthebrain - 26/9/2014 13:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 02:00

Is this dude a puma?

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

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By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

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By notabeliever - 29/7/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 14:00

Oddly specific thief

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

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By strawberry - 17/11/2015 17:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

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By KilledTheMoment - 23/11/2014 06:10 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

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By phobopohobia - 6/2/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

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By Brett meek - 19/2/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

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By nuberific - 5/3/2009 18:45 - Canada

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

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By xxbobsan - 21/4/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

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By jobless - 13/9/2015 14:07 - United States

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

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By JunkDex - 23/12/2015 07:45 - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

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Top comments

By canzo378 | 0

#889665 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:18

please do not abuse fml with your boring agenda...

By stinkytruck | 0

#889680 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:20

That's a FML? Give me a break. Unless you fried someone's ass off I don't want to hear your wussy complaining.

COMMENTS

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889617 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:10

ydi for drinking tea at your desk

Reply

kevino1177 | 0

#889632 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

ydi ha

Reply

awesomechica1229 | 5

#889644 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

oops took too long writing my comment, so shut up people who are going to tell me I'm not first!

Reply

n00bowner | 0

#889659 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:17

ydi for drinking tea

Reply

Melkezidech | 0

#889674 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:19

QQ But....seriously?

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#889704 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:23

what's wrong with tea?
at least you didn't electrocute yourself.

Reply

texas_justice | 0

#889748 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:30

...and then, your house caught fire and you ran for your life... or something... no? nothing happened? well thanks for keeping us informed on your non-events.

Reply

_swimcutie_ | 0

#889798 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:45

I <33 tea!!

Reply

fmlurlife | 0

#889828 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:53

this isnt really an fml.

Reply

Carterv | 0

#890076 - Thursday 25 February 2010 1:57

You stole the words right out of my ... comment box.

Reply

khung835 | 6

#890256 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:51

YDI for thinking a fried cord would fyl. now your life is reall f.ed.

Reply

im2good25 | 0

#890862 - Thursday 25 February 2010 10:37

newb

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#890978 - Thursday 25 February 2010 12:03

Mmmmm, fries! I'm hungry

Reply

taintpainter | 0

#891720 - Thursday 25 February 2010 17:42

so? go buy another for $2

Reply

Drew_V | 0

#891822 - Thursday 25 February 2010 18:32

#18 ftw!!!

Reply

isroc | 0

#896179 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:43

so what?.... it's just a cord.

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1394024 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:55

tea relaxes ur mind

Reply

qwillis98 | 20

#4714263 - Saturday 21 July 2012 1:45

Didnt the exact same thing hapen on the dpongebob movie?!?!?!?!

By afatmonkey | 0

#889618 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

did I do it?

Reply

chocobunnyyumyum | 0

#889816 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:51

i dont know. did you????

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889845 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:56

maybe because he's A dag thinking about Justin bieber...

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889883 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:07

I meant fag

Reply

afatmonkey | 0

#890261 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:53

I put a bomb at Justin's house, trying to help the world. And my sister took my money to buy his songs. Did it work? Is he dead?

By necrofukker | 0

#889619 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

u just suck. too bad u didn't get shocked

By bieberfever_96 | 0

#889621 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:12

retard

Reply

afatmonkey | 0

#889716 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:24

Tea is one of nature's most effective HIV possitve lepercaun repellants. So the only FML is now the OP is vulnerable to the little red-headed monsters.

Reply

crackiebob | 0

#889736 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:28

but she likes my crank

Reply

radmuffin | 12

#889907 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:16

says the bieber fan? I'd say you're the retard.

By awesomechica1229 | 5

#889624 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

woohoo I'm first! and op I'm sorry my dad could help you ;)

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889642 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

sorry. 5 off. anti flood protection iz gay.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#889652 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:16

Fail.

By xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889627 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

no your nawt. besides noone cares.

By APD16 | 1

#889629 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

Brings a whole new meaning to " Don't knock it until you've tried it", huh?

FYL

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889638 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

uncovered liquids?

By mandiecait | 0

#889640 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

Awww. Accidents happen! Sorry, OP

By kevino1177 | 0

#889645 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

snickerdoodle needs a life ha