Miscellaneous: Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled... - FML

By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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Understandable

Mother of the year

Triage

By thanksgrandpa - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

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By traumatizedforlife - United States

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

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By Sarah - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

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By madfather - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

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By Owww

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

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By me - Canada - Debert

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to ride a bike with no training wheels. After comforting her and assuring her that she'd be fine, I gave her a big push. She fell forward over the handlebars and scraped her chin on the front wheel. FML

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By turnedintoinsomniac - United States

Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML

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By fmjob - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

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By got to be kidding me - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my eight-year-old daughter refused to use the port-a-potty at the fair. She preferred to piss her pants. FML

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By cookieman

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

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By Nick

Today, I was swimming in a public pool, and I felt a tug on my swimming trunks. It was my grandma snorkeling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

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By Pimp Daddy

Today, my husband put "sexual favors" on the memo line for my contractor's check. His wife saw it and he had to quit mid-job. I'm stuck with a half-finished house and my husband thinks it's funny. FML

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By WearingOff - United States

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

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By uh-oh - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Lonely

Today, I'm a 19 year-old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on Facebook. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 08:02

Hold the line

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2021 08:01

Horndog

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

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By arachnidphobia - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

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By frustrated - United Kingdom - Gosport

Today, everyone at work asked about the awful, twisted wound on my hand. I was too embarrassed to admit to having torn my skin apart with a pair of tweezers while trying to remove a splinter. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

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By NoTeddies - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear keyring. I had to explain that although many grown women like cuddly toys, I don't. And even if I did, a filthy, soaking wet bear he found in a puddle on the street is not a nice gesture, despite his suggestion I can just wash it in the machine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plymouth

Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML

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By Addicted2FML303 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

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By Stephie2009 - United States

Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

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By Char - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

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By thathottchickk - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By cchandler - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

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By muskogee

Prince Charming

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

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By crétin-crédule - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

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By Donewiththis

Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 23:01

Blast from the past

Today, I found a USB stick my husband was hiding. I checked and it had hundreds of pictures of girls from porn sites and Instagram. That wasn’t the issue. Hidden in those pictures was a pic of his ex-girlfriend, with whom he has not been with past 8 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, in a crowded hallway, I saw the guy I fancy standing in front of me, with his arms open wide. Thinking he wanted to hug me, I wrapped my arms around him and stepped back. He looked at me like I was nuts. I then realised he was trying to hug the girl next to me. FML

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Top comments

By canzo378 | 0

#889665 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:18

please do not abuse fml with your boring agenda...

By stinkytruck | 0

#889680 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:20

That's a FML? Give me a break. Unless you fried someone's ass off I don't want to hear your wussy complaining.

COMMENTS

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889617 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:10

ydi for drinking tea at your desk

Reply

kevino1177 | 0

#889632 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

ydi ha

Reply

awesomechica1229 | 5

#889644 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

oops took too long writing my comment, so shut up people who are going to tell me I'm not first!

Reply

n00bowner | 0

#889659 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:17

ydi for drinking tea

Reply

Melkezidech | 0

#889674 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:19

QQ But....seriously?

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#889704 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:23

what's wrong with tea?
at least you didn't electrocute yourself.

Reply

texas_justice | 0

#889748 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:30

...and then, your house caught fire and you ran for your life... or something... no? nothing happened? well thanks for keeping us informed on your non-events.

Reply

_swimcutie_ | 0

#889798 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:45

I <33 tea!!

Reply

fmlurlife | 0

#889828 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:53

this isnt really an fml.

Reply

Carterv | 0

#890076 - Thursday 25 February 2010 1:57

You stole the words right out of my ... comment box.

Reply

khung835 | 6

#890256 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:51

YDI for thinking a fried cord would fyl. now your life is reall f.ed.

Reply

im2good25 | 0

#890862 - Thursday 25 February 2010 10:37

newb

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#890978 - Thursday 25 February 2010 12:03

Mmmmm, fries! I'm hungry

Reply

taintpainter | 0

#891720 - Thursday 25 February 2010 17:42

so? go buy another for $2

Reply

Drew_V | 0

#891822 - Thursday 25 February 2010 18:32

#18 ftw!!!

Reply

isroc | 0

#896179 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:43

so what?.... it's just a cord.

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1394024 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:55

tea relaxes ur mind

Reply

qwillis98 | 20

#4714263 - Saturday 21 July 2012 1:45

Didnt the exact same thing hapen on the dpongebob movie?!?!?!?!

By afatmonkey | 0

#889618 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

did I do it?

Reply

chocobunnyyumyum | 0

#889816 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:51

i dont know. did you????

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889845 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:56

maybe because he's A dag thinking about Justin bieber...

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889883 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:07

I meant fag

Reply

afatmonkey | 0

#890261 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:53

I put a bomb at Justin's house, trying to help the world. And my sister took my money to buy his songs. Did it work? Is he dead?

By necrofukker | 0

#889619 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

u just suck. too bad u didn't get shocked

By bieberfever_96 | 0

#889621 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:12

retard

Reply

afatmonkey | 0

#889716 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:24

Tea is one of nature's most effective HIV possitve lepercaun repellants. So the only FML is now the OP is vulnerable to the little red-headed monsters.

Reply

crackiebob | 0

#889736 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:28

but she likes my crank

Reply

radmuffin | 12

#889907 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:16

says the bieber fan? I'd say you're the retard.

By awesomechica1229 | 5

#889624 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

woohoo I'm first! and op I'm sorry my dad could help you ;)

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889642 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

sorry. 5 off. anti flood protection iz gay.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#889652 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:16

Fail.

By xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889627 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

no your nawt. besides noone cares.

By APD16 | 1

#889629 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

Brings a whole new meaning to " Don't knock it until you've tried it", huh?

FYL

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889638 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

uncovered liquids?

By mandiecait | 0

#889640 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

Awww. Accidents happen! Sorry, OP

By kevino1177 | 0

#889645 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

snickerdoodle needs a life ha