Miscellaneous: Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled... - FML

By dumbbass - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

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BO Central

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Modernity

By notmyfam - Australia - Chester Hill

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

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By tuck87 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

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By jake - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

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By McFizzy321 - United States - Merritt Island

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

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By jojolovesyou134

Today, as I have been the past week, I've was sent to fix my coworker's fuck-ups in his new area, and help him out as I know it. I then needed help in his old area, and got told to suck it up and figure it out. I've been doing this a year, he's been doing it for 5 years FML

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By not a photographer - 21/6/2020 08:08

Mom gets some

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

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By babygirllxo - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

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By yourclotheslookgay - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

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By laptitesouris - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

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By no booze, no boyfriend - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me from jail, expecting me to bail him out. He'd tried to buy a load of booze at the liquor store and came up short by ten cents. The cashier refused to be short-changed, and he figured the only reasonable reaction was to punch her in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

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By T1A2Z3

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 05:03

The other stage of grief

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

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By Jasmine_smilee - United States - Canby

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

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By Kevin - United States

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

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By Musicfan - United States

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

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By how about never? - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

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By Anonymous

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

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By potpurri_needed - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

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By chopchop

Bad choice

Today, I went to a different hairdresser than usual to get 5 inches off my hair and bangs. He ended up charging me half price, saying, "Don't worry, we all make mistakes." FML

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By Carpet cleaner - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

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By hashtag beard life - 12/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Assumption Day

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said she, “hates daddy’s kisses because they feel funny.” My extended family freaked out and assumed the worse. My husband has recently grown a beard and my daughter hates how scratchy it feels. He’s not a monster but they still treat us weird now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

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By Dina - France

Today, whilst chatting with my mum on MSN, she unintentionally sent me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she was having. FML

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By Matti

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

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By Anonymous - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss' incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

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By rockefoe - United States

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

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By ohdear - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML

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By broken vows - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

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By owch - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

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By bitches. - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

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By Uh-oh - Australia

Today, I decided to come clean with my daughter about her adoptive status within my family. Just after I told her she was adopted, I realized that I have been telling her stories about me giving birth to her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

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By usmcgirl - United States

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

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By *sigh* - United States

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 08:00

Close enough

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

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By Poolfool

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

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Top comments

By canzo378 | 0

#889665 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:18

please do not abuse fml with your boring agenda...

By stinkytruck | 0

#889680 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:20

That's a FML? Give me a break. Unless you fried someone's ass off I don't want to hear your wussy complaining.

COMMENTS

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889617 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:10

ydi for drinking tea at your desk

Reply

kevino1177 | 0

#889632 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

ydi ha

Reply

awesomechica1229 | 5

#889644 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

oops took too long writing my comment, so shut up people who are going to tell me I'm not first!

Reply

n00bowner | 0

#889659 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:17

ydi for drinking tea

Reply

Melkezidech | 0

#889674 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:19

QQ But....seriously?

Reply

Horney4her69 | 0

#889704 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:23

what's wrong with tea?
at least you didn't electrocute yourself.

Reply

texas_justice | 0

#889748 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:30

...and then, your house caught fire and you ran for your life... or something... no? nothing happened? well thanks for keeping us informed on your non-events.

Reply

_swimcutie_ | 0

#889798 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:45

I <33 tea!!

Reply

fmlurlife | 0

#889828 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:53

this isnt really an fml.

Reply

Carterv | 0

#890076 - Thursday 25 February 2010 1:57

You stole the words right out of my ... comment box.

Reply

khung835 | 6

#890256 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:51

YDI for thinking a fried cord would fyl. now your life is reall f.ed.

Reply

im2good25 | 0

#890862 - Thursday 25 February 2010 10:37

newb

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#890978 - Thursday 25 February 2010 12:03

Mmmmm, fries! I'm hungry

Reply

taintpainter | 0

#891720 - Thursday 25 February 2010 17:42

so? go buy another for $2

Reply

Drew_V | 0

#891822 - Thursday 25 February 2010 18:32

#18 ftw!!!

Reply

isroc | 0

#896179 - Saturday 27 February 2010 4:43

so what?.... it's just a cord.

Reply

breenarae25 | 0

#1394024 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:55

tea relaxes ur mind

Reply

qwillis98 | 20

#4714263 - Saturday 21 July 2012 1:45

Didnt the exact same thing hapen on the dpongebob movie?!?!?!?!

By afatmonkey | 0

#889618 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

did I do it?

Reply

chocobunnyyumyum | 0

#889816 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:51

i dont know. did you????

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889845 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:56

maybe because he's A dag thinking about Justin bieber...

Reply

vtranchitella14 | 3

#889883 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:07

I meant fag

Reply

#890261 - Thursday 25 February 2010 3:53

I put a bomb at Justin's house, trying to help the world. And my sister took my money to buy his songs. Did it work? Is he dead?

By necrofukker | 0

#889619 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:11

u just suck. too bad u didn't get shocked

By bieberfever_96 | 0

#889621 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:12

retard

Reply

afatmonkey | 0

#889716 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:24

Tea is one of nature's most effective HIV possitve lepercaun repellants. So the only FML is now the OP is vulnerable to the little red-headed monsters.

Reply

crackiebob | 0

#889736 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:28

but she likes my crank

Reply

radmuffin | 12

#889907 - Thursday 25 February 2010 0:16

says the bieber fan? I'd say you're the retard.

By awesomechica1229 | 5

#889624 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

woohoo I'm first! and op I'm sorry my dad could help you ;)

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889642 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

sorry. 5 off. anti flood protection iz gay.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#889652 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:16

Fail.

By xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#889627 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

no your nawt. besides noone cares.

By APD16 | 1

#889629 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:13

Brings a whole new meaning to " Don't knock it until you've tried it", huh?

FYL

By PurpleSquirrel | 0

#889638 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:14

uncovered liquids?

By mandiecait | 0

#889640 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

Awww. Accidents happen! Sorry, OP

By kevino1177 | 0

#889645 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 23:15

snickerdoodle needs a life ha